My siblings and I went to Buendia, Makati to surprise our Mom for Mother’s Day. It was our first surprise for her with a bouquet of flowers and a terrarium in our hands as we giggled our way to her house. I can still vividly remember how excited we were to give her the presents.
As we entered the living room, all four of us screamed, “Happy Mother’s Day!” which startled our Mom who was eating her dinner with her boyfriend. Just as we were about to kiss her and give her the presents, Tito Raffy stood up and walked out of the room. My Mom didn’t pay attention to us and ran after her boyfriend.
They left us dumfounded of what just happened.
When my Mom came back for us, she scolded us for barging in the house without calling her first. I was puzzled of her “weird” reaction to our surprise but that didn’t stop me from reminding her,
“Ma, it’s Mother’s Day today. We bought presents for you,” trying to lighten up everyone’s mood.
However, our eldest had seen enough and told us we had to leave since we were not welcome in the house.
So we left.
That was my first and last taste of Mother’s Day. I was twelve at that time.
Solving the Puzzle at an Early Age
My Dad's a single parent for 32 years now. Mom left him with 4 kids, that time around 8, 7, 4 and 2 (me being the youngest). I was too young to understand the whole set-up. In some ways, I have a rather twisted perception of a family back then.
I grew up with a nanny whom I call “Mama Nani.” I almost thought that she was my biological mother because she was practically doing all the “Mom” stuffs. Until I reached to a point that I found out she wasn’t when she left and got married to her boyfriend. I was crushed and took me awhile to recover.
Then I started to ask questions when I was entering grade school. I was confused why I have different “mothers” (nannies) while my classmates only have one. I was puzzled why my Mom doesn’t live with us while the others do. Until when I reached second grade, I overheard my brother on the extension line telling his classmate that our parents were separated.
It was the first time I heard that word… “buwag.”
I hurriedly asked my Dad about it and truthfully he told me that they are not living together anymore and it’s no one’s fault. He never badmouthed my Mom for leaving and it was so remarkable of him. He only explained that in life we can’t simply have everything.
I was eight when I learned that life isn’t perfect, after all.
Constant Search
As I was growing up, I was in constant search of a mother figure in the form of my teachers. Not knowing how to react around with a “Mom,” my teachers frighten me. I was living throughout my formative years in school trying to please my teachers because I thought getting their approval would make them love me back just as their own daughter.
I used to wonder how it felt to be hugged, kissed and tucked in bed by a mother. Sure, I have that share of nurturing from my Dad but nothing beats a mother do those stuffs to you, right? However, I didn’t feel that warmth with her every chance I got when we spend our summers in Manila. She was cold, callous and it was so awkward being around her. Maybe that’s how she felt, too.
To me, she’s a mere stranger whom we visit every summer. It was very difficult for me to relate with her. I can’t totally recall I had a good laugh with my Mom. For years, I’ve been meaning to ask her why she left the family. But as time grew on, I got my answer and it was so frustrating. At the age of thirteen, I started resenting her for being the kind of mother she was to us. I witnessed how she never cared for us. I hated her.
I held on to that anger for years.
Homecoming
Four years ago, my Dad had two separate stroke episodes in two consecutive months. We almost lost him in the last incident. He was in a coma for a week in the Intensive Care Unit. It was the biggest scare of our lives. My sisters and I were at his side holding on to that day he would wake up.
Then my Mom came back.
It was so awkward having her there. She tried to comfort us but we always shrugged and kept our distance. We always got into arguments everytime she came up with all the what-ifs. She had these crazy plans for us if my Dad won’t wake up, eventually. That made us siblings got so mad at her.
All of a sudden, she wants us to be a family!
She begged to us crying that she wanted to come back. I never thought I could ever blurt out such strong words to her that night,
“It’s too late, Ma. We don’t want you back.”
I know I broke her spirit but I felt so free after having said those words. I can vividly remember how I cried on my knees when I was little when I asked her to come back. But she didn’t. She chose her “fair-weather” friends and boyfriend over us, instead.
The Reconciliation
Since my Dad recovered, for four years my Mom spent Sundays and special occasions with us. It bothered me so much having her around. I thought she was just being fake and staging this caring mother and wife all of a sudden. Stubborn that I was, I believed that it was all for a show.
Then last Christmas, I don’t know what came over me. I found myself watching my Mom sharing funny anecdotes with my Dad as my sister laughed with them. For the first time, I found myself smiling at my Mom with no resentment or bitter feelings for her. I realized how much I wanted this ~ to be a family again especially on Christmas Day.
That night was the most memorable Christmas I’ve ever had. I learned a thing or two about the true essence of reconciliation. Finally, I gave my Mom a chance. I freed myself from the anger that I kept for so long and I felt lighter since then.
She may have wasted a lot of years for not being the kind of mother that I wanted for so long but I am now grateful that she came to her senses and came back. Though my parents are still separated but it doesn’t matter anymore. As long as we forgave each other’s shortcomings and moved on.
So this Mother’s Day, is going to be my first. I will forget what happened in 1991 and make a new one. For this year, I am grateful for her because she taught me a great deal of humility that mothers are not perfect, after all. They only get better and wiser each year.
~~ Alecxis
Alecxis is a fellow iSTORYAn into music and writing. When she has idle time from work, she gets lost in romantic movies she digs like 50 First Dates, Ever After and Never Been Kissed.
This article belongs to our Mother's Day series of articles.
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