GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had *** with me!
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist had *** with the girl )
GIRL: .Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!
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I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan .
I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
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A PRAYER FOR DADDY
"Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer,
Amen."
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Story why Indians automatically are re-born. Hilarious!
>
> The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said 'I have to talk to you. We
> have some Indians up here in heaven and they are causing problems.
> They're swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are
> wearing Dolce and Gabana saris instead of their white robes, they are
> riding Mercedes and BMW's instead of the chariots, and they're selling
> their halos to people for discounted prices. They refuse to keep the
> stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep crouching down midway eating
> samosas and drinking chai (tea).. Some of them are even walking around
> with just one wing!'
>
> The Lord said, 'Indians are Indians. Heaven is home to all my
> children. If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call.'
>
> Satan answered the phone, 'Hello? Damn, hold on a minute.' Satan
> returned to the phone, 'OK I'm back. What can I do for you?'
>
> Gabriel replied, 'I just wanted to know what kind of problems you're
> having down there.'
>
> Satan says, 'Hold on again. I need to check on something.'
>
> After about 5 minutes Satan returns to the phone and said, 'I'm back.
> Now what was the question?'
>
> Gabriel said, 'What kind of problems are you having down there?'
>
> Satan says, 'Man I don't believe this ... Hold on.'
>
> This time Satan was gone at least 15 minutes. He returned and said,
> "I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now... These Indians are
> trying to install air conditioning and making hell a comfortable place
> to live in by putting out the fire...fire is there to keep them
> uncomfortably hot!! Since they are so tech savvy, they were trying to
> start a telephone connection between heaven and hell...I am having
> such a hard time controlling and dealing with them!! Some were trying
> to start a chai - pakora shop, which I had to stop...I am requesting
> Lord to send them back on earth as soon as they arrive as re-birth".
> Indians will be Indians...
>
> So this is the story why Indians are re-born!!!!!!!
>
>
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Good advice from a Jewish mother............pay attention!
A Jewish woman says to her mother, 'I'm divorcing Sheldon.
All he wants is anal ***, and my asshole is now the size of a quarter,
when it used to be about the size of a dime.'
Her mother says, 'You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman, you
live in an 8 bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, you get $1,000 a week
allowance, you take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away
over 15 cents!'
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Will I Live To Be 80?
I recently turned 65 and had to choose a new primary care physician for my Medicare program.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I will live to be 80?"
He asked: Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I don't do drugs, either."
"Do you have many friends and entertain frequently?"
"I said, "No, I usually stay home and keep to myself".
"Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of ***?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
He looked at me and said, "Then why would you want to live to 80?
jokes
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