LeeLeePot

yes. today, i punched a concrete wall a thousand times. i was waiting for my fist to bleed. i was punching non stop to let physical pain defeat my emotional trauma. he saw me on that state and stopped me from doing it and asked me if i was insane. last time i've checked, i am still normal and i still know what i am doing. a girl punching a concrete wall might not be normal but as far as i know, if alcohol can't cure it, and friends can't be present, and there isn't any pen or paper around to write my whinings about my love and my death, why not do it on the blank concrete wall? i punched it hard that i was bruised and i still feel that pain today.

he serenaded me with a secondhand serenade song after that abrupt lunacy. It was a song titled "Maybe". It didn't make me stop crying. He said he still remembered singing me "Broken" from that same band a few months ago when i was the one who wanted to quit on our relationship. He even said that I am now the one who's gonna sing that song. that's is insanity for me. he wants to start it all over again with me but he keeps on haunting me with all the moments i pressed on on quitting on our relationship which was the reason why he did that on the 1st of june. wasn't he such a sweet emotional blackmailer?

i couldn't care less anymore. if he keeps on reminding me about it but wants to move on and then i wanted to walk away from him but he wants me to stay...it's getting abusive for me. his confusion, my self-loathing, it's all mixed up....he wants me to stop asking him questions. i want him to apologize. he wants me to forget. can someone just forget without forgiving? things are really not the same anymore and he isn't even sorry about it. a part of me is disgusted with him. a part of me loves him still to the point that i still wanted to rescue the relationship he just shattered on the 1st of june.

i wonder now if it matters to him...for now, i just would want to stop caring. about him.about our relationship.about my bruises on my knuckles.