Short Stories

[biggie9385]

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Is it ok if I post here some America in Uniform, Life in These U.S., All in a Days Work, and other stories from Readers Digest? Or is it going to be in the Humor section? Or its not allowed anymore due to copyright?

[MrBiddle]

Ok ra man.

Copyright? Ako ani, I steal from copyrighted material. Read my post "The Trauma of Broken Promises", I ripped it off shamelessly from CASABLANCA and made it my own.

[biggie9385]

Overheard on the marine radio - a distress call to the Coast Guard from someone whose sailboat was taking on water: Coast Guard: "What is your position?" Distressed caller: "Vice president, State Street Bank!"

--Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by A. Keenan

[biggie9385]

As a department head stationed on a Navy vessel, I was concerned about one of my senior enlisted men. He was a superb technician, but he had a problem taking orders. One day I took him aside and suggested he try something that had worked for me. "Whenever an officer gives you a directive that you think is stupid," I told him, "just say, 'Yes, sir.' But in your mind, think, 'You're an idiot!' Will this work for you?" He smiled at me and replied, "Yes, sir!"

--Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by Leo King

[biggie9385]

Working as a court reporter, I listen to a lot of testimony that you won't hear on Law and Order, including the following give-and-take between the judge and a mother during a paternity suit. Judge: Was the child born out of wedlock? Mother: No, sir, just outside of Louisville.

--Contributed to "All In a Day's Work" by Mary Gale

[biggie9385]

WHILE I was stationed on a destroyer in Long Beach, Calif., my wife's parents came to visit us. We had arranged to take them to a waterfront restaurant for dinner right after I returned from an official Navy function. I was still dressed in my crisp white uniform, complete with colorful rows of ribbons on my chest and black shoulder boards displaying gold stripes. While we were waiting for our table, I stood outside by the main entrance with my father-in-law, a World War II veteran, and began explaining the responsibilities of a Navy officer. Just then, an attractive woman got out of her car and walked toward us. "Here," she said, handing me her car keys, "and be careful not to scratch my car when you park it."

--Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by Lt. Gary R. Malcolmson

[biggie9385]

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," he told the maitre d'. "We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.

--Contributed to "Life in These United States" by Rita Kalish

[biggie9385]

It was a typically busy day at the bank. After a glance at the line of waiting customers, a harried-looking man came up to the side counter and demanded, "What do I have to do to change the address on my account?" Without missing a beat, the clerk replied, "Move."

--Contributed to "All In a Day's Work" by Karen Lee

[MrBiddle]

HASTE

A waiter brings a slice of pizza for a group of 7 people, he speaks to the leader of the gang who wonders what the hell the big, filthy footrprint is doing in the pie, the waiter replies, "It's 8 slices just as you ordered. And you told me to step on it"

[biggie9385]

I OFTEN misplace my keys, so I put them on a long rawhide shoelace that I wear
around my neck. One day I walked into a store with the keys in my hand and the
string dangling to the ground. A woman approached me and said in a kind voice, "I hate to tell you this, but you've lost your dog."

--Contributed to "Short Takes" by C. Sue Lincoln