Something to cheer you up after a long day of work...

[jsarausos]

---

Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband : Nothing. Wife : 'Nothing...?
You've
been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband : 'I was looking for the expiry date.'

------------------------------
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife : 'Yes or no.'
-------------------------------
Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears..'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can
there
be greater than this one?'
--------------------------------------------------------
Stress Reliever Girl:
'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or
troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
----------------------------
Son: ' Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give
up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
________________________________
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my
father
hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER
WHO
LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
------------------------------------------------------------
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
-------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face
or
my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of
humor!'

[e_migz]

hahaha... i like the last one...

[jsarausos]

sensya kung nai-post na yung iba dati...

Ibang posisyon

Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight?
Wife: That?s a good idea dear?.doon ka sa may plantsahan at ako naman ang uupo sa sofa at manoood ng tv.

Pinoy ingenuity?

A Filipino doctor has introduced the use of a device
that enlarges a man's s*x organ by up to 5 times with
no side effects. It's called a magnifiying glass.

Regalo

Mare: Di yata nagustuhan ni PARE ang birthday gift mo ah?
Mrs: Oo nga,7 months na di pa rin ginagamit.
Mare: Bakit, ano ba regalo mo sa kanya?
Mrs: Memorial Plan.

Kriminal

KRIMINAL1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?"
KRIMINAL2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito wala pa rin siya! Sana naman wlang nangyaring masama sa kanya...

Tutpik

Customer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang ang dali pang mabali.
Waiter (inis): Alam nyo sir, ang dami ng gumamit nyan,pero kayo lang nakabali!

Confident Vs. Confidential

Anak: Itay, ano kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bestpren mong si Tikboy, anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.

Panchito, Babalu, Dolphy

Panchito: Vitamins ko ABC ? Alak, Babae at Cigarette.
Babalu: Ako naman DEF ? Damo, Egg at Frutas.
Dolphy: Ako, from A to Z. Alma to Zsa Zsa.

First love never dies

Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never dies?"
Nanay: Aba , oo. Tignan mo yang Tatay mo, hanggang ngayon buhay pa ang animal!

Pari at Madre

Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kunin ko lang toothbrush ko.
Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako.
Pari: Ok, antay ako.
Sister: Pasok na, wala na ako panty!

Pamboboso

Anak: Inay, sinisilip ng kaklase ko 'yung panty ko!
Inay: Bastos 'yun, ah! Ano ginawa mo?
Anak: Inalis ko at itinago ko 'yung panty, para 'di n'ya makita!

Ang sulat

Patient: dok. malungkot d2 sa mental kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang sarili ko...
Doc: e ano namn laman ng sulat mo?
Patient: d ko pa po alam kc next wik ko pa ata matatangap...

Liit naman

Wife: honey... bili mo naman ako ng bra...
Husband: Hon.. wag ka ng magbra...liit naman ded* mo e..
Wife: E bat ikaw naka brief!

Downy

GIRL: Ang puti naman ng bird mo...
BOY: Aba syempre ah!!! Likas papaya ata gamit ko diyan!!!
GIRL: Ginagamitan mo rin ba ng Downy?
BOY: Baket? Bango ba?
GIRL: Lambot eh!!!

Hide and Seek

GIRL: Hide and seek tayo. if u find me, papayag akong makipag-s*x sa'yo...
BOY: Eh, kung di kita makita?
GIRL: Nasa likod lang ako ng piano...

Ngongo

dumating c ngongo sa bahay at tinakpan ang eyes ni
misis....
Ngongo: "nges hu?"...
MRS: ****!!!! pa-nges hu nges hu ka pa jan....e ikaw
lng ngongo d2!

Rape Suspek

ATTY: Inday! pwede mo bng idiscribe d2 sa korte ang taong nangrape sayo?
INDAY: maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong at bungal...
SUSPEK: cge!...mangasar ka pa!!!!

Dalawang SIRA ulo....

SIRA1: Magaling ka na ba?
SIRA2: Oo namn!!!
SIRA1: Talaga?...kaya mo bng 2mawid sa ilaw ng flashlight ko?
SIRA2: Ano ko cra? e pano kung patayin mo flashlyt mo?...e d nalaglag pa ko!!!

Teacher & Boy

TEACHER: Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang 1 mong tenga?
BOY: hihina po pandinig ko.
TEACHER: e kung dalawang tenga?
BOY: lalabo po paningin ko!
TEACHER: baket naman?
BOY: malalaglag po salamin ko

[Fheiyl]

hahahahahaha

[baby_reisa]

more please!!!!!!!!!!!

[botzfernz]

hahaha.......

[bloodyrose]

harhar harhar

[xxSTARLIGHT]

HAHA ako sd ang LAst akong pnkaganahan sa first nga g post!!

sa 2nd kai dghan2x. naLingaw ko.. weeh

[naidz2k3]

funny! har har har...

[o0ella0o]

Post pa mog ingani beh..heheheh!