jokes galore...

[marshydootzy]

---

MAN1: nagagalit sakin misis ko kapag inuuwi ko sa bahay yung mga hindi ko natapos na trabaho.
MAN2: bakit, ano ba ang trabaho mo pare?
MAN1: embalsamador!
————

Si Mister nakita 3 butil ng bigas at 25pesos sa drawer ni Misis.
MR: ano to?
MRS: uhm honey, magtatapat na ko. Tuwing nagtataksil ako sayo naglalagay ako ng 1 butil ng bigas sa drawer.
MR: eh ano yang 25pesos?
MRS: nung naging 1 kilo ang bigas, binenta ko na. Sayang eh!

[marshydootzy]

Misis: Doc, kamusta na Mister ko?
Doctor: Sorry Misis, pero ngayon ikaw na ang magpapaligo at magpapakain sa kanya kasi putol na ang kanyang kamay at paa.
Misis: Haaaah!
Doctor: Hahahaha! Ninerbyos ka noh? Joke lang yun. Patay na Mister mo.

[jesachic]

the best!....

[marshydootzy]

A Filipino man parked his brand-new BMW in front of his office building, ready to show it off to his Filipino colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.
The filipino immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed the police, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the Filipino started screaming hysterically as some of his office colleagues reached the scene too. His BMW, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop
did to it.
When the Filipino finally calmed down from his ranting and raving, the policeman shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you Filipino people are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the Filipino. The policeman replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "Oh my God!" screamed the Filipino. "My Rolex is gone!"

[marshydootzy]

pano kung nanonood ka ng tv, tapos biglang lumabas si sadako,
lalapitan ka, gumagapang,
hawak ka na niya,labas isang mata sabi niya...

"remote nga, nood tayo bOLd..."

[marshydootzy]

MRS: hon, am I pretty or ugly?
MR: uhm.. both..
MRS: anong both? Pwedeng pretty and ugly?
MR: ang ibig ko sabihin, you're pretty ugly.

[marshydootzy]

TEACHER: ano ang pambansang ibon?
BOY: chicken?
TEACHER: hindi! kulay brown ito!
BOY: fried chicken!
TEACHER: hindi! mas maliit ito sa chicken.
BOY: knorr chicken cubes!
TEACHER: get out!

[marshydootzy]

Boy nahulog sa septic tank, sumigaw: SUNOG! SUNOG!

" Dumating ang bombero, niligtas sya Tinanong ang boy "

Bombero : bakit SUNOG ang cnigaw mo?"

Boy: kung TAE ba cnigaw ko, pupunta kayo? TAE! TAE! Ganun!?

[marshydootzy]

Q : Ano ang pagkakaiba ng SANITARY NAPKIN sa BRA?
A : Sa Sanitary napkin parang wala kahit meron, samantalang sa bra parang meron kahit wala!

[marshydootzy]

ANAK : Tays! kakains nas tayos!
TATAY : Hoy! Tigilan mo yang kalalagay mo ng ' S ' sa mga sinasabi mo ha! Ano ba ang ulam?
ANAK: BANGU na may KAMATI, ARDINA na may IBUYA !