LeeLeePot

Lose You Now- Becca

I don't wanna sleep tonight
Someone's got to fight this fight
I can't do it on my own
And i can't make you turn around
Get us back on solid ground
If i'm standing here alone

Everyday I slip away a bit more
But you can't expect me to surrender

I don't wanna lose you now
I don't wanna lose you now
It's not too late
Can't we just wait
Won't you please say 'We'll figure it out'
I don't wanna lose you now
I don't wanna lose you
What would I do, if I had to
Lose you now

It's something that we're going through
And I think you know it too
Maybe we've been given up too fast
Why do you hold it all inside
Used to be the one who tried
There's got to be some turning back

I drift away one and I soon came undone
Baby it hurts me to remember

I don't wanna lose you now
I don't wanna lose you now
It's not too late
Can't we just wait
Won't you please say 'We'll figure it out'
I don't wanna lose you now
I don't wanna lose you
What would I do, if I had to
Lose you now

When I see that look on your face
I think of someone taking my place
You got to know it tears me apart
And when I see you closing the door
I can't take anymore

I don't wanna lose you now
I don't wanna lose you now...ohhh

I don't wanna lose you now
I don't wanna lose you now
It's not too late
Can't we just wait
Won't you please say 'We'll make it somehow'
I don't wanna lose you now
I don't wanna lose you
What would I do, if I had to
Lose you now

I'm gonna figure it out

I don't wanna lose you now
I don't wanna lose you now
What would I do, if I had to
Lose you now
I don't wanna sleep tonight
Someone's got to fight this fight
I can't do it on my own

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's the third day and it's gotten worse. I feel heavy because of this utmost depression and at the sametime I feel lightheaded because of lack of sleep and food. I would rather die and wake up as a kid suffering from malnutrition in Africa rather than having this life where everything seems to remind you of the only person who unconsciously had made his presence your world. When a person has been taken out of that world, that person is considered dead. Ergo, I am dead. I wanted to smoke ten packs of cigarette per day. I wanted to drink a case of beer all by myself. I want to play hopscotch on the railway while the train is coming nearby. I want to get soaked in the rain and reach out my hands to the sky for the lightning to strike at me. I want to look for a knife so that I can slash my skin and let it bleed. I wanted to feel alive in this i-don't-know-what-it's-called-since-it-is-no-longer-my-world place. Yet even if I tried doing all these things, it still wouldn't sum up to the pain I am having inside. I am void of all physical pain. Nothing can compare it to what I feel inside. Nothing and no one can even phathom what this woman feels when her heart dried out, shrinked, shrivelled, and became lifeless to the point that it looks like a tiny piece of raisin now. It is really hard when you are battling against Fate yet you still can't manage to surrender. The more I suffer, the more I love. How much Love would Fate want me to lose? I've lost a big part of it when I let go of my right love. Here comes the man I prayed to be my correct love and now he is letting me go too. How much more do they want me to pour out? Can't Fate just ask me of anything else except this only treasure I have held for five years? Can't they just take away my life as well the day when they took him away from me? Can't they just kill me?! This love is my life and when they took it, what else is left of me? Nothing.

I longed again for the day when he would rescue me and hush me down when I am crying. Seeing him there makes me happy. Watching him fidget his index fingers when he wants to look cute and is requesting for something from me makes me happy. The day he proposed at Chowking on Good Friday makes me happy. The night he crawled inside the room kissed me the 1st time I came to Laguna till I woke up makes me happy. The 1st time me made love makes me happy. The breakfast he cooks, the heart-shaped pancakes, the songs he sang even if it sounds corny, the poems he wrote, my name written largely on his room's wall, all of these made me happy. And I couldn't ask for more. I now wonder if I made him happy...maybe if I did made him happy,he wouldn't ask for more and would never ever leave despite his problems. I should have folded his shirts like a loving wife does. I should have learned to cook breakfast like a loving wife does. I should have cleaned his room like a loving wife does. I should have told him everyday, no, make it everysecond, how much I love him and how happy I was when I am with him. I should have said yes to all his requests. I miss him more and more everyday that I couldn't even breathe with the thought that he is no longer thinking of me the same way that he did before. I wish that I'd just die. Everything no longer makes sense. I wish we remained Fiona and Shrek. This might have been a happily-ever-after. But life is no film. Oh wait! This is not life at all. The moment he left, everything is bullsh!t.