I fell in love. For the first time in a long time I felt alive and I felt like I have found true happiness. It would be such a nice thing if that's ONLY the case however life turns out to be a h*ll of a joke sometimes. Here is my story, my life. And I want people to hear it and I want to hear what people say about it. All I request from you, readers, is that you respect my thread and respect me as a person. Thank you.
This is the sort of thing that happens overnight nor does it happen in a blink of an eye. People have asked me before, do I believe in love at first sight? I have laughed at them and mocked them. I mean, who would be so stupid to fall in love with someone in just one look? But I guess they're not stupid after all. I have been trying to deny my feelings and had been trying to put it in a certain compartment. I think I can honestly say that I have fallen in love the moment I have set my eyes on her. Her smile had captivated me. And every time she stares at me, the whole world stops and it melts around us. Before you get confused, let me just say that I am first and foremost, a woman. The person I like is also a woman but I am not someone who dresses up like a guy just because I like women. I dress like a girl as well. If you know what I mean. Anyways, I have liked this person since the night I met her and I've also known since that night that she has a kid; a very beautiful and sweet little girl. She has a boyfriend, as well. The father of her daughter and they are living together. She knows how I feel. I think I never failed to let her know how much I like her and she acknowledges my feelings though it's not returned. Every time I tell about my feelings, her response is always: "Kibaw baya jud kas akong sitwasyon." I've asked her many, many times that all I wanted from her is an honest reply. Because there's only two ways, it's either she likes me or she doesn't, right? And I always emphasized that it's not just friendship. I have endured being with her and seeing her with her boyfriend. I never complained. I know that there's no one else to blame but myself because I knew from the start what her situation is. We carried on. We became close friends. She tells me her problems, I tell her mine. We try to be there for the other. Then it became hard for me. I can't blame her though, as I said I only have myself to blame. During one of our conversations, she asked me what I wanted from her and I told her that I didn't want anything from her as I know her situation and I don't want to be a home wrecker. I know it's not a sin to like someone who is already involved with someone else as long as you don't act on those feelings. I told her that I'm happy just knowing that she knows how I feel and she doesn't look at me or treat me differently. It's been a few months that we've known each other and our friendship grew stronger, however, for me (as someone who has feelings for her), I feel like something is growing. Something more than friendship. She would tell me not to text her because her boyfriend is there and I feel like she doesn't have to tell me that kay dili man pud ko magtext nya ug about sa akong feelings. We text like friends do. And I am a person who doesn't like UNDEFINED RELATIONSHIPS. Sometimes, that's where pain starts, right? One person is thinking one thing, while the other is thinking a different thing. And maybe it's just me putting meaning into things because of my feelings for her. Like that time when I gave her a cake pops (chocolate cake in a lolipop). She ate it unya iyang gihungit nako ang sobra kay wala pa man nahurot. Since gamay ra man kog paak, naa pay sobra pa jud ug iya ra sad gikaon. For me, since she knows about how I feel, dili na unta cya magpakita ug mga ing-ana nga actions. She also does that with cupcakes nga among kaunon. Then kung mangaon mi with friends kanang murag tagay2x ba unya naa ra pulutan sa tunga, magkuha cya tinidor/kutsara for all the other members of the group but she only ever get one spoon/fork for me and her. Then naa pud times nga ihatud nako cya sa ilaha unya sa car, before cya munaog mu.hug jud cya nako. One time I didn't let her hug me and she said: "bantay bitaw mo.hug pa ka nako. ayaw na jud ha". I just looked at her and I thought mogawas na cya but she stayed in the car. Until I let her hug me. These are just some of the things she does to me nga murag makaingon pud ko or makapanguta ko: "naa ba kaha cya feelings for me nga pareha sa akong na.feel nya? or unsa ba jud kaha ni?" Dili man sad ko makaingon nga tungod lang kay friends mi kay akong barkada nga na.close na pud kaayo nya (murag naapil na jud xa officially sa among barkada ba. nadungan namo cya ug kaila so wala juy maingon nga close mi kay nagkauna mig meet) but she doesn't hug them goodbye or does the same things to them that she does to me. So makaingon jud ko nga naay something different.
Then came a time nga murag dili na jud kaya sa akong self i.endure ang times nga libog ko kung una jud mi so I talked to her. Naglibog na man gud ko kung unsaon nako pag.act. I don't want to cross any forbidden lines. I told her about how I feel and unsa na ka.deep akong feelings. She asked me again what I wanted from her so I told her that I want a relationship with her. She told me again nga: Kibaw baya ka sa akong situation. She then told me nga what if, hypothetically, magka.kami unya naa cya anak ug uyab, asa daw padong among relationship. I was not able to answer her question because I myself don't know. I told her, eventually she needs to choose. And she told me she doesn't want to give her daughter a hard life. I understood then that she would never be able to choose me or the life I will lead her to. I understood and accepted it but of course it was painful. But I kept telling myself that there's no one else to blame but myself. That I let myself fall for her. I told her that since she asked me what I wanted from her, I gave her an honest answer. I want a relationship with her. Then unexpectedly, she told me: okay, just give me time. Give me time to think about this. So we ended the conversation but before we went home she asked me: so unsa man ta? and I asked her the same thing. And we decided to continue what we were doing. Some of you might think that we're cheating but we're not. We haven't kissed, we barely touch each other unless mag.apir mi. No physical contact as much as possible except for the hugs that she gives inig uli nya, after nako cya ihatud. We continued on like this and now, she's on her way out of the country to work there. Naglibog ko. Do I have to hold on to the hope or just let go. I, myself, am scared of what I'm feeling. I'm scared that I won't be able to give myself to someone else because I am still stuck to the thought or the hope nga naa mi chance.
According to Adele's song, Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?
NOTES: sorry if naay mga wrong spelling and stuff. I was not able to review this man gud. Thanks
I fell in love
hindi ako nag-iisa, HINDI! HINDI! hahaha saon!
Originally Posted by yaj.em
@Wynna, it's your time to shine. hatagi c TS sa imong bulawanong tambag indai...
di nata friends papa P hahahaha 
Reply With Quote
Posting Permissions
