a couple's financial woe

[blaise]

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hi. Mangayo unta kog advice ninyo guys about sa akong suliran. I have this bf right now and we've been together for a year and 2 months already. I'm currently in my 8th month of pregnancy of our child. Wa pami magminyo because of certain complicated things (i applied for a permanent Australian resident visa and andam-andam mkalarga not later than 2013.) in my application single pa akong status and changing it would mean further delay in my departure so i and my bf were planning ayha nami pakasal ig malargahan na nako ang akong visa,para rapod benefit puhon sa among 3 kay i petition nako sila sa akong baby.

Right now financially naglisod gyud mi. Although he has a good-paying job (good if wa kay gigastoan lain), and im working part-time on a direct selling business. Although i was self-sustaining before, things have changed now that im pregnant and will soon have a baby. Kinahanglan gyud gahinan og money ang prenatal vitamins, milk, even additional food for nourishment like fruits, etc.

[blaise]

(continuation)

Now the challenge is that my current income is not enough to support myself anymore and much more pag naa na ang baby. Siya pod otro naglisod coz he's the breadwinner in his family. Naa sya mother (walay work) and 2 sisters (ang 1 nagwork but minimum wage ra ang income, ang 1 high school), all of whom depend on him for everything - electric, water and internet bills, food, baon sa sister and other school expenses. What's tough is that by hook or by crook he has to bring something to the table and pay the bills whether or not he has a job. Sakit pa kay pinangga sya pag naay money, pg wala d pod, kasab-an ky nganong d magtinarong og work mao he switched on different companies, when all his life he worked to support them and still couldn't appreciate his efforts nor support him na lang.

Now things are changing. He would soon have a family of his own. here comes me and his child, and i think at this time we need financial support too.

[blaise]

(continuation)

what pains me is that when payday comes, all his money goes to his family to pay the bills, food, allowance, his own food and transportation allowance for work and other household needs and none is left for me and our unborn baby. In fact in my whole pregnancy he only bought me milk and vitamins once, the rest ako na. I had to work my way to provide myself and my baby everything i need to ensure a healthy pregnancy whether or not im being supported by him. I live in Cagayan de Oro (i moved from Cebu to stay with my relatives here para at least nlng mkatipid kos rent and have more cash for vitamins, doctor visits and milk etc.) coz even when i was in Cebu tan-aw man gyud nako mao ra gihapon wa koy suporta makuha nya financially even if mag live-in mi so maniguro nlng kos akong kaugalingon og sa baby bhala magpabaga kog nawng ngare kaysa magsalig ko nya. Now hapit nko manganak, ni wala pa syay ipon ig gasto nko sa panganak coz hurot pirmi sa yang family. Wa gyug para amoa sa yang anak.

[blaise]

(continuation)

now he promised naa syay kahuwaman og money ig panganak nako but i dont think if it's possible coz hurot gani pirmi yang money and usahay mangutang pa nakog money para pagkaon og iplete nya, how much more can he pay his debt worth more than at least 10 thousand pesos for hospital bills? Akong pangutana,

1. Do i have the right to demand financial assistance from him even when were not married? If yes, to what extent?

although for me kami na nta priority nya coz puhon we will be family, sa tinuod lang maluoy man sad kos iyang kahimtang. Mao maikog ko mudemand pod nya. What i do is subtly pressure him to support us but it doesn't work pa. Sometimes he sks me if niinom naba kog vitamins, i lie to him nga wala pa kay hurot na og wa pakoy money ikapalit. Maguol sya but still way financial nga tabang, way paagi mkita. Sige pag sumbong nko wa na syay money,way iplete,wa syay kaon og matug nlng pra malimot sa kagutom which further adds to my stress.

[blaise]

(continuation)

I dont know if u can call him irresponsible, he does work but wa lng gyuy para amo nga kwarta. Im still lucky and blessed i've got support from my relatives while still working on my working income mao nkapangandam nako for the big day, kaluoy sa Diyos. wa lang ko magsaba sa akong bf para d sya magsalig og d na musupport. He's disappointed nga d nko sya mapanghambog sa akong mama. How else will i brag about him sa akong mom if way klaro ang support? We love each other but ambot lang unsay future para namong duha. Basig ig kasal namo ani ako pay mangitag paagi pang gasto, which brings me to my 2nd question:

2. If finances and material provision are the only challenges, angay ba gihapon sya pakaslan knowing d sya og wa sya ka support namo?

now im counting the months and im leaving for another country to immigrate and work, and it's a possibility i can't leave with my child yet.

3. Will it be wise nga ibilin nko sya sa akong bf?

[blaise]

(continuation)

im having hesitations right now nga ibilin akong baby sa iya, basin ang remittances mauna ngadto sa yang family nga needs og pauwahi ra or tipiron ang akoang baby. As much as i can i will provide everything my baby needs to grow well, including comfort. If it would be sacrificed by my bf, nah ambot na lang gyud. Maypa ari nlng nako sa akong relatives ibilin ang bata. I had this bad experience with him kaniadto about money, tong ako syang gipagunit sa akong money from my sales while i was out of town. although the amount was just small (around 1,400), i expected him to keep it gyud coz i still had to remit the capital ana nga money which was around 900. But gihatag nya ang money sa iyang mama para palit food etc. It took him 2 weeks to pay off, turn off kaayo sa akong remitanan sa capital kay wa koy ikahatag ngadto nya kay nagasto na sa akong bf. Since then i swore nga d ko mupahuwam og kwarta nya not more than 200 pesos. If he has no food uban nlng mg eat but i wont give cash.

[blaise]

(continuation)

i hope u guys can take time to read my post and comment about it para naa koy insight. Pasesnya na taas kaayo nga giputol putol, sa mobile raman gud ko nag istorya og naay max characters allowed. Honestly dugay nani akong suliran og wa ko kahibaw kinsa ko angay mu share sa akong problem. I dont want to make my bf look bad in the eyes of people who know him personally; i know he's trying but it's just not enough. How i wish u can feed people with love, then there would be less hungry people in the world. Lol but reality jud nga money is very very important in all aspects sa atong life. Libog gyud kaayo ko. Thanks ninyong tanan!

[elvishtattoo]

1.) YES, you can demand bisan dili mo kasal - ambot kaha kung naa ba sad kay makuha niya

2.) dili angayan pakaslan ang tawo nga wala kabalo sa iyang priorities. At this point in his life, he should know nga kamo sa iyang anak ang angay niyang unahon. kung magpakasal mo nga siya ghapon ang mo buhi sa iyang mama ug mga igsoon, trust me, magubot ra na. luoy lang ka ug ang imong anak. ayaw nlang sulayi.

3.) NO, ayaw ibilin sa imo bf imo anak. Kung kinahanglan ka mobiya nga dli dala imo anak, mas mau pa sa imo relatives nimo ibilin, sa imo parents. Dili man diay kasaligan ang imong laki uy.

Your guy has to make a tough decision to support you and your child and be hated by his family. Kung dili siya ka buhat ana, murag ma solo parent jud ka.


Good luck sa imong pregnancy. Be strong as this too shall pass.

[megle]

Na lo-oi jud ko sa imo TS.

Pero dapat ingon ana nga stage ang support sa imong BF kay sa imo na. Kung maayo sya mo plano sa iyang kinabuhi dili mo abot ang inyong problema ana.

Sorry to say this TS, imong BF naging irresponsible in his own life.

1. You have right to demand TS but the problem is wa man sya'y maihatag pud sa imo. So, right now pag hingkamot nalang jud.

2. Duda ko ana TS. mo-asa rana sa imo pati ang iyang pamilya basig sa imo pa mangayo.

3. Ayaw, pag ibilin imong anak sa iya kay basig pabayaan ra na, basig mag suroy suroy sa kalsada nga ang sip-on asa baba na tapos wa pa jud shorts.

[whiteKelso]

1. You can demand the money cause you are his future wife...
To support you and the baby is the most priority...
if he could not handle it?...then of course...you are not his priority!
there are many ways to change his priorities.., you could make an ultimatum to leave him or stay with him and you'l starve...so which one are you? if I were you I would not stay....but if he agrees with you...cut his finances to his family, and secure yours...that is the only way...walay ikogay og ayaw ka olaw...ngano bitaw naghimo mo og bata maskin wala pai saktong budget.
looy ka ani day if oyon oyon lang ka!

2. Pakaslan gyud ka kay nagsabot man mo magpakasal in case if he agrees your ultimatum, if not,
then everything is posponed whatsoever!

3. About the baby? you can bring him in Australia or ibilin nimo sa imo family.

its all about you not his priorities...bulay-og na nga tawo kung dili mo bati sa iyang pamilya..
mao na fight the best fight gyud inday...and bestwishes to your baby.....