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* This is from my Mail
* Read, and give your reactions
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The most important, most critical component in
successful loving is commitment. Not love.
It's easy to love without commitment. People do it
all the time. Easy to love, to give of oneself for
a while. But commitment implies bonding in such a
way that one promises to keep the fires of love burning
indefinitely.
It also means shutting one's heart to the
possibility of loving another who might even
be more attractive, even more lovable. Not easy.
This is why solid commitments are not at all as
common as we are led to believe.
In fact, more often than not, I think that the
commitment two lovers make are not equal. What
I mean is that the commitment of one might be a
whole lot more or a whole lot less than the partner's.
We see it all the time. One loves more than the
other and is more committed than the other. It is
false to believe that two lovers love each other to
the same degree.
We have often seen lopsided love relationships
where one partner is giving so much more to the
relationship than the other.
But writers and poets seem to always indicate
that love isn't just a two-way street, but an
equal two-way street. That hardly ever happens.
It is impossible to determine exactly how much
a man loves a woman or how much a woman cares for
a man.
Love cannot be measured and that can be a huge
problem. You can love someone and tell him "I love you"
and you're telling the truth. But how much do you
love him? Enough to let him court you? Enough to
marry him? Enough to die for him?
The greatest test of true love is commitment. And
the greatest indicator of deep love is deep commitment.
There can be no doubting this.
I have heard people say all the right words, make
all the right moves and pledge undying love, only to
walk away weeks or months later. Were they in love?
Sure they were. But not enough to allow them to hold
strong in their love. Not enough to keep a commitment
regardless of the pain.
A lover gets this sinking feeling when there is a
sense that one is more committed than the other.
When one is giving a lot more than one is receiving.
When one's love is a lot more solid than the
creaky love of the partner. When a couple believe
strongly that their commitment to each other is rock
solid, there is a deep sense of security, a feeling
that it's OK to give all because the gift of yourself
is safe in the hands of the beloved.
If, however, there is doubt or, even worse, the
conviction that one is engaged in one-way giving,
in a one-way commitment that is lopsided, then there
is a tendency to pull back and not give as much. And
when that happens, love begins to fade.
In the countless counseling sessions I have had
with troubled couples over the years, there has
always been the problem of a failing commitment
on the part of at least one of the partners.
Unless there is the raising of the level of
commitment, the relationship is doomed. It's finished.
Sooner or later the stresses will take their toll and
the relationship will begin to fall apart.
On the other hand, look carefully at lovers who are
still very much in love after 20, 25 years. Their
commitment to each other cannot be shaken. Neither
can their love.
Love = Commitment
☃♥☹❤✴♫♘❧☯✩♪★☮♥☼❦♬☂
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