Crazy Q & A
Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?
My father is so old that when he was in
school, history was called current affairs.
Manager: Sorry,but i can't give u a job. I
don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just
the right person in this case. You see, I won't
be of much help anyway!!
Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports
car around it.
Teacher: Desmond, your composition on
"My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken.Call
the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my
garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within
three days, you can keep it.
Witty One Liners
Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.
Arguing with your Boss is like wrestling with a pig in
mud.
After a while you realize that while you are getting
dirty, the pig is actually enjoying it.
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember
you when he is in trouble again.
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong
answers.
It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it
creative problem solving.
Behind every successful woman, is a man who is
surprised.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know
where to shop.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again,
neither does milk.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to
shoot them.
I'm not a complete idiot, there're still some parts
missing!
Forgive your enemies but remember their names!
The number of people watching you is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your action.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a
piece of my finger to my father.
- He said he wanted more proof.
Some pain is physical
and some is mental,
but one that's both is
dental.
Some good punch lines
1. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect.
2. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.
3. If I save time, when do I get it back?
4. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
5. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
6. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
7. The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
8. As I said before, I never repeat myself.
9. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
10. I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work.
11. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.
12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
13. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
14. Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.
15. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
16. If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.
17. I was born intelligent - education ruined me.
18. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train
stops. On my desk, I have a,work station... What more can I say
19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly
are the others here for?
20. Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright Until
you hear them speak.
21. How come "abbreviated" is such a long word
22. Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your
smile.
23. The Best of Proverbs
Should women have children after 35?
No, 35 children are enough
24. Living on Earth may be expensive...
but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun..
25. Your future depends on your dreams
So go to sleep !
26.. ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY So what
Who's in a hurry
27. Love is photogenic;
it needs darkness to develop
29. A drunk was hauled into court.
Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here for
drinking.... Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?
30. Can you do anything that other people can't?
Sure, I can read my handwriting..
31. Whom are you working for?
Same people. My wife and four kids
Stupid Questions and Smart Answers
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father coincidently got married on the same day and at the same time."
Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
Punch lines and witty one liners
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