Life

[i_a_m_d_e_d_e]

---

A guy was in the line at the supermarket, when he noticed a beautiful blond woman smiling and waving at him.
So he says, "Do I know you?"
She replies, "I may be mistaken, but I think you may be the father of one of my children."
Instantly his mind shoots back to the one and only time he had been unfaithful.

"Christ!" he says. "Are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I had *** with on Joe's pool table in front of all my buddies while your girlfriend spanked me with wet celery?"

"No" she replies. "I'm your daughter's second grade teacher."

[i_a_m_d_e_d_e]

>
>Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
>
>He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first
>thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of
>water on the side table.
>
>He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him,
>all clean and pressed.
>
>Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a
>perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the
>house.
>
>He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table
>"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go
>shopping. Love
>you."
>
>So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a
>hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is
>also at the table, eating.
>
>Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
>
>His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk
>
>and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the
>hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you
>stumbled into the door."
>
>Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order
>and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting
>for me?"
>
>His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the
>bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off,
>you said,
>
>"Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"

[Jpacs29]

maayo nalang wala sya masipyat..ahahahaha

[pyodor]

not a joke.. but cute...how faithful...

[jmbernz]

aus n hubog uy!!! naa p man jpon buot...heheheh...

[ANZEN]

good move.

[wikki]

what an idiot.

[tahbiapo]

ehehe talk about taking it literally

[i_a_m_d_e_d_e]

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving..

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

[profiler]

maro sad ni si lola da....gi twist ang problem.