I’m nursing an almost fatal wound. In fact, I’m surprised that I’m still here, still nursing it and feeling it slowly scab over, only to have it ripped open and the healing process begin again.
The wound is about almost 3 mos. old now and by my reckoning (and many others’) it should have been well healed with no visible scars by now. It isn’t natural for a wound to take so long to heal. I’ve been told in cases of people suffering from cancer or leukemia to be exact, that wounds from those illnesses can, and quite often do, take a long time before they’re healed.
But this wound is different. This wound cuts deep into our emotional and physical well-being. This wound is, in fact, far deeper than any ulcer and longer lasting than any other wound. This wound is non-healing. I know this now.
The scabs that form, I’ve come to learn, are just temporary. The pain is intense and long-lasting.
I can be engaged in conversation with you and some innocent remark on your part can set the ripping process in motion. And you won’t even know it. You will be looking at me, completely unaware that the scab has either just been yanked away or is slowly peeling away, revealing inner and deeper layers of hurt and pain, until finally I am spent, with no strength to carry on. I must escape to some place, any place where I can scream from the pain, cry and vent without you or anyone else knowing how I’m feeling - because you wouldn’t understand.
Unless you have suffered the same deep, penetrating wound, you would be clueless as to the depth of this pain. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. As has been said many times in many circumstances, “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.”
My brother who was caring, compassionate, kind and loving; Now gone from our life forever. But the scab is not gone. It stays here in my heart waiting for a word, an event, some trigger to rip it off again. I am compelled to continue writing about it though… everytime i hear the word DEATH, i almost brought to my knees because i can feel the intense pain inside me. . .
But, i still believe in God’s plan. . .i believe that death is God’s greatest surprise for his much Loved Children. .:’)
Tears are a good thing. We cry because we loved someone and we can be proud of that. In time, our tears of sorrow become tears of joy.
wOunD tHat NEvEr HeAls...
^_^ im sure if he could say something, he would probably say, "dude.... undangi na na kay wala nakay mabuhat... maypa magtinarung na lang ka sa imo life kay naa pay daghang malipay nimo..."
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