SHAVE THE BEARD
A married man was visiting his girlfriend one day, when she requested that he shave his beard.
“Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”
James replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it. She would kill me!”
“Oh, please?” the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice.
“Really, I can’t,” he replied. “My wife loves this beard!”
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.
That night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife woke up somewhat, felt his face, and replied “Oh, Michael, you shouldn’t be here. My husband will be home soon!”
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BEFORE MARRIAGE:
John - Ah....At last. I can hardly wait!
Jane - Do you want me to leave?
John - No! Don't even think about it.
Jane - Do you love me?
John - Of course! Always have and always will!
Jane - Have you ever cheated on me?
John - No! Why are you even asking?
Jane - Will you kiss me?
John - Every chance i get!
Jane - Will you hit me?
John - Hell no! Are you crazy!?
Jane - Can i trust you?
John - Yes
Jane - Darling!
AFTER MARRIAGE:
Read from the bottom back to the top.
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SUNDAY MORNING SE X
I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling…
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, ‘He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.’
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having *** would surely be asking for trouble.
‘Oh no, my dear,’ replied granny. ‘Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even…Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.’
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, ‘He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.’
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HUMAN RACE
A little girl asked her father: ‘How did the human race appear?’
The father answered, ‘God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.’
Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question.
The mother answered, ‘Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.’
The confused girl returned to her father and said, ‘Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mom said they developed from monkeys?’
The father answered, ‘Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers.’
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Married life humor
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