Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 18
  1. #1

    Default The 70+ Laws Of Anime

    70+ Laws of Anime

    #2- Law of Differential Gravitation - Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

    #3- Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

    #4- Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

    #5- Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

    #6- Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

    #7- First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don?t even see it coming, OR it?s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

    #8- Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they don?t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

    #9- Law of Dramatic Emphasis - Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

    #10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a "Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

    #11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything...
    First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.
    Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

    #12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

    #13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

    #14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
    First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

    #15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

    #16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the "Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
    First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
    Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds, the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
    Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.
    #17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The
    Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs
    to get out more.)
    #18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood. Sometimes more, under high pressure.
    #19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. *Also, acid has been known to work just as well...
    #20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
    First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes
    up against an entire army, the army always loses.
    #21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren?t...
    #22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little
    things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

    #23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost twice as annoying.

    #24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big ###### "Good Guy".
    First Corollary- The only people who are more ###### than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect)
    Second Corollary- The only people who are more ###### than the American translators are the American editors and censors.
    *Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome "Good Guys".
    *Fourth Corollary - The only people who are more ###### than American translators, editors, and censors are Filipino dubbers, translators, and censors (in increasing order of ######ity). Also known as the "Butchered Anime Syndrome"

    #25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person?s mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

    #26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
    1) be female.
    2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation.
    3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

    #27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used as a last resort.

    #28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

    #29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

    #30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

    #31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

    #32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone?s hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

    #34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female?s clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear long cloaks that don?t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
    First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
    Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.
    *Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows, or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice attack... Unless it's a #entai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 4

    #35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they?ve never attempted these things before.

    #36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
    1) The Hero/Leader
    2) His Girlfriend
    3) His Best Friend/Rival
    4) A Hulking Brute
    5) A Dwarf/Kid
    Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
    1) Extreme Coolness
    2) Amazing Intelligence
    3) Incredible Irritation

    #37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment?s notice. This mysterious dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
    First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

    #38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

    #39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get and vice-versa.
    First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otakus in the real world...

    #40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don?t get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one?s sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don?t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

    #41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

    #42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man?s job. He?ll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

    #43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.

    #44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced (also known as the Kamehameha effect).

    #45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they?ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
    *NOTE: Bad guys who are stunned by the mecha transformation will later show replays of the transformation in the second episode. People transforming into their fighting costumes will always do this in a secluded area, if they need/want to keep their identity/ies a secret. A majority of these people will be females since skimpy costumes equals guys doesn't compute. Their costumes cause a sight disorder that will make anyone seeing their face directly see a different person or forget that they are the costumed hero when they meet them without the costumes.

    #46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

    *#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

    *#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later, your skin won?t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
    First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame, wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s) to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

    *#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will help him to cope in today?s society. (>Sniff Sniff< So True!!)

    *#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter). Consequently, most ###### fans are under the same impression.

    *#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws 44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced, or how many times they?ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave Phenomenon")

    *52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters (usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO?S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons for this are:
    1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
    2) They just don?t give a spam.
    The reasons the telepathic person doesn?t react are:
    1) They?re preoccupied with doing something else.
    2) They?d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.
    3) They just don?t give a spam.

    +#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

    +#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.
    First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too sexually excited, ######, etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying pan or something.

    +#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

    +#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
    First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from 'Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome' which require them to threaten with or exemplify their prowess but not use it against the "Good Guy".
    Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military device without one of the following events occurring:
    a) The control device being broken.
    cool.gif The control device being taken by the "Good Guy".
    c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just "fooled" by the "Good Guy".
    d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

    +#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face?s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

    +#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two outcomes:
    a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me look.
    cool.gif A negative charge will result in the hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

    +#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)

    +#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character?s attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them. (Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto [OVA] have a seemingly endless supply of willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot couldn?t get a date despite [or because of] their constant attempts.)

    +#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

    +#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

    +#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few... of even the one.

    +#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall.
    *(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)

    +#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the guy?s face so hard that it changes shape. *(see law #49)

    +#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation
    First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater
    than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least
    500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".

    Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb. of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

    +#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy?s" Style Coefficient must be increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will *always* be offset by an exponential increase in the "Good Guy?s" Style Coefficient.

    +#68- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding increase in the "Good Guy?s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.

    +#69- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in slow motion.

    +#70- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with.

    +#71- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the character?s next scene.

    +#72 Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

    +#73- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime characters will either:
    a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws [e.g., slowdown and exposition]),
    cool.gif Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a position to ravish beautiful girls, or
    c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

    +#74- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.

    +#75- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

    +#76- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it.

    *#77- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just doesn?t work in real life...

    *#78- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captain?s cap, a long overcoat, and have a shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole (sexually excited father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

  2. #2
    Lol. tl;dr kaayu.. But i read it anyway.. xD

    One rule ra gyud ako nkbaw-an.. xD

  3. #3
    Elite Member Isteb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    LUL@ both posts. This is exactly why I hate other anime forums and is the same reason why I knock Julian on the head.

    It's fiction, dammet. Stop complaining.

  4. #4
    a couldnt agree more... hehehehehe... all anime lovers out there... a little heads up... when i read this i couldnt stop laughing... hehehehehe..

  5. #5
    kuyawa gud ani..

  6. #6
    whOOh!! taasa pod oi.. kapoi au ug basa..hehehe

  7. #7
    hahahah murag nkabasa kog short version ani.. nalimut ko..

    heheheh xD

  8. #8

    author dude has a shitload of time on his/her hands.. knows lots of words too.

  9. #9
    dugay nani. i remember reading this in my email way back in college, around 7 yrs ago gi forward sa ako classmate.

  10. #10
    haiz...kataas sad ani oie...hehehe

  11.    Advertisement

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 11
    Last Post: 07-21-2011, 07:58 PM
  2. The 10 laws of injury prevention
    By robstaman in forum Fitness & Health
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 07-21-2010, 11:40 AM
  3. The Secret: Law of Attraction
    By mixmuzix in forum Spirituality & Occult - OLDER
    Replies: 109
    Last Post: 08-22-2009, 11:39 PM
  4. LF the secret; law of attraction by rhonda byrnes
    By MaRZ[RH] in forum Books & Magazines
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 07-13-2008, 10:22 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
about us
We are the first Cebu Online Media.

iSTORYA.NET is Cebu's Biggest, Southern Philippines' Most Active, and the Philippines' Strongest Online Community!
follow us