Bright Student

[kkk]

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A rerun but a great one for laffs.......
LOOSEN UP!

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of
her students, the teacher asked the boy, "What is your
problem?"

Boy. answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My
sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she
is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

The Teacher had enough. She took the Boy to the
principal's office.

While the boy waited in the outer office, the teacher
explained to the principal what the situation was. The
principal told the teacher he would give the boy a
test and if he failed to answer any of his questions
he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She
agreed.

Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained
to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal
thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks
at the teacher and tells her, "I think this boy can go
to the third-grade. "

The teacher says to the principal, "I have some of my
own questions.
Can I ask him ?"

The principal and the boy both agreed.

The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I
have only two of?"
Boy: after a moment, "Legs."

Teacher : "What is in your pants that you have but I
do not have?"
Boy: "Pockets."

Teacher : "What starts with a C and ends with a T, is
hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish
liquid?"
Boy: Coconut

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out
soft and sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide
and before he could stop the answer, the Boy was taking
charge.
Boy: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does
sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer...
Boy: Shake hands

Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of
questions, okay?
Boy: Yep.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me
down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy: Tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when
you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense.
Boy: Wedding Ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I
drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy: Nose

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I
come with a quiver.
Boy: Arrow

Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K'
that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy: Firetruck

Teacher: What is it that all men have one of, it's
longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't
use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're
married?
Boy: SURNAME

Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has
muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible
for making love?
Boy: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to
the teacher:

"SEND THIS BOY TO COLLEGE!, I GOT THE LAST TEN
QUESTIONS WRONG MYSELF !"

[kkk]

Parishioner: Father bakit may nakasampay na daster, bra at panty sa may
kumbento? may asawa ka?
Father: Kung aasa ako sa mga donasyon nyo, di ako mabubuhay! Tumatanggap
akong labada!
_____

GF: I'm warning you! darating na si daddy within 1 hour!
BF: Eh ano ngayon? eh wala naman tayong ginagawang masama ah!
GF: Kaya nga! kung may plano ka, DALIAN MO NA!!
_____

Nun: I was raped... what shall i do?
Mother Superior: Hir, take this calamansi.
Nun: wil ds ease d pain?
Mother Superior: sipsipin mo! ng mawala ngiti sa mukha mo , Bwiset!!!

_____

Nay? bakit po VICTORIA ang name ni ate?
Kasi anak dun namin siya ginawa ng itay mo...
Eh bakit si kuya, ANITO?
Ay, tumigil ka na nga Luneta at baka mapalo kita! tawagin mo na si kuya FX
mo!
_____

HONEYMOON:
Wife: Hon wag mo ako bibiglain ha? I'm still a virgin
Husband: You mean ako ang una?
Wife: Yes, do it na
Husband: I did it na, kanina pa!!
Wife: ah ganon ba? Aray pala
_____

Ama: Buntis anak ko, panagutan mo!
BF: May asawa na po ako!
Ama: Pano 'to?
BF: Areglo na lang po... 2 M pag Boy, 2.5M pag Girl
Ama: Ok, pero pag nakunan. GIB HER ANADER CHANS ha?
_____

Maid: Sir sinong mas yummy? si mam ba o ako?
Sir: Syempre naman ikaw day! bakit?
Maid: Naguguluhan lang po kasi ako eh... sabi kasi ng driver, eh mas yummy
daw talaga si mam!
_____

Wife: Dear, ano reglamo mo sa 25th Anniversary natin?
Husband: Dalhin kita sa Africa...
Wife: Wow! How sweet naman... eh! sa 50th Anniversary natin?
Husband: Susunduin na kita!
_____

BUS HINOLDAP!

Holdaper: re-reypin ko lahat ng babae dito!
Prosti: ako na lang po, maawa kayo sa iba..
Lola: Sinabi na ngang LAHAT eh! sasagot pa! gagang 'to!
_____

Dalawang probinsyano sumakay sa elevator

Gorio: magkano ibabayad natin?
Andoy: tanga! inosente! bugok! stupid! bat ka magbabayad eh wala pa tayong
tiket!

_____

Pedro bumps a foreigner

Pedro: ay sori
Foreigner: sorry too
Pedro: sori 3
Foreigner: what are you sorry for?
Pedro: (kala mo bobo ako ha!) sori 5
Foreigner: i think you are sick!
Pedro: hahahaha! sick daw, seven sunod!
_____

Pedro: Pare bakit malungkot ka?
Juan: Asawa ko nag hire ng driver, Gwapo, Bata, Macho!
Pedro: Nagseselos ka?
Juan: Nagtataka lang ako kasi wala kaming sasakyan!
_____

Anak: Itay, bibili ako ng b o nd paper
Itay: Anak, wag kang bobo ha? hindi "b o nd paper" ang tawag dun!
Anak: Ano po ba?
Itay: "Kokongban"
_____

Women are physically stronger than men...
Why?
Because women can carry two mountains at a time!
while men can carry only two eggs...
Take Note!
with the help of a bird pa!
_____

Madre: Father, tell your seminarian not to urinate along the fence...
Father: Sister naman, maliit na bagay lang papansinin mo pa...
Madre: No Malalaki, Father.. Malalaki!Shocked
____

Alam mo ba kung bakit may sabaw ang balot?
Kung Ikaw kaya ang ikulong sa shell... saan ka ji-jingle?
Aber?
Saan??
Sumagot kaaaa!!!
SaaaAANNNNNNN ?!?!?! Angry
_____

Farmer: lalaki na talaga ang aking anak kasi magsasaka na, "ano ang plano
mong itanim sa sakahan mo anak?"

Anak: flowers papa! lots of Bongacious Flowers!!Big Smile
____

Ama: Hoy! Huwag kang babakla bakla ha?
Anak: Hindi po Itay, pupunta nga ako ng basketbolan eh!
Ama: Yan! Astig!
Anak: Inay? nakita mo yung POMPOMS ko?
Ina: Alin? yung pink? Wink
_____


Misis: " Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko kasi dinala Niya ang
limang anak namin."

Radio Host: " Ok, go ahead!"

Misis: " Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang naman ang sa Iyo diyan!"
_____

Juan: San ka galing?
Pedro: sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Juan: E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?
Pedro: Mahirap ilibing eh... Lumalaban!!
_____

Two nurses on duty...
Nurse 1: Hoy! Gaga, bakit may thermometer sa tenga mo!
Nurse 2: Ha? susmaryosep! kaninong pwet ko kaya naiwan yung ballpen
ko!!Shocked