Funny Stuffs

[lalee]

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HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What
the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party
atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this
country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus
saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge
the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips,
including lap dances and "special services."

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women.
Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would
see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it
right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? I still have to do everything!

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

[lalee]

Kids Are Quick
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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America ..
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right..... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
______________ ___________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

[lalee]

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says,
'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her
I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'For reading a book,' she replies,
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again,
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL :
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Send this to four women who are thinkers.

[lalee]

1. Losing all your friends

Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'




2. Brother wanted

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, 'send me a brother'....
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....





3. Meaning of WIFE &n! bsp;

Husband asks, 'Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means Without Information Fighting Every Time!'
Wife replies, 'No, it means With Idiot For Ever!!'





4. Importance of a period

Teacher: 'Do you know the importance of a period?'
Kid: 'Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.'





5. Confident vs. Confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential?'
Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son, that's confidential!'





6. Anger management?

Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet..'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush.'