According to Bertrand Russell, "Human nature
is constructed so that it gives affection most
readily to those who seem to demand it the least."
This being the case "and I assure you it is" then
what hope can any normal human being who
intensely craves love and affection have of
winning the one they want?
Won't their very need for the other person be
the thing that turns the one they want away
from them?
The answer is "NO!" It is not the need for love,
which all people inherently feel which drives
others away from them, but it is their
indiscretion about exhibiting that need.
What we need to learn is to make a distinction
in our lives between the way we feel and the
way we act! Or, in other words, we must learn
self-control.
Not that we should suppress our emotions to
the degree that we deny to ourselves what we
are feeling. No, no indeed.
We should always realize and be honest with
ourselves what we are feeling inside.
But we must be discerning, discreet and wise
about the things we know about ourselves,
which we share with others.
Just because you find yourself desperately
wanting someone, for example, doesn't mean
you should act desperate. But neither does it
mean you should try to deny the feeling in
yourself.
So you feel desperate! So what?! There's no
shame in that. Join the club. Millions of
wonderful, great, fantastic people who have
lived long before you have felt this way. There's
nothing wrong with wanting.
But what I warn you against is not trying to
control the way you talk about it to others. You
see, a dog should wag his tail, not have the tail
wag the dog. And YOU are the one who
ultimately controls your behavior, your
emotions should not be doing that.
Remember when you were small and felt
unhappy and upset about not getting your way?
What did most of us do?
We would lie down on the floor and act out our
emotions by beating our fists on the floor and
kicking wildly. But when we got older we
learned to put away childish behaviors and hold
back, except in the area of romance.
What I'm saying is that we need to be mature in
this area as well.
"But," someone cries out, "isn't it dishonest to
not express what you feel?"
"No," I answer. "It's a simple matter of growing
up."
The mature thing to do is to learn to distinguish
between feelings and actions. Feel intently,
deeply and honestly. But keep your behavior in
check.
That person who keeps his behavior separate
from his feeling ultimately commands the most
respect, and love from others.
Remember how, as a child, you were instructed
that if a big dog came rushing up to you, you
must do your best not to show any fear?
The reason was that, if you show fear, it
encourages the dog to bite you. Well, sadly, the
same thing applies in human relationships.
If you tip your hand too soon that you're feeling
vulnerable to the other person, then it actually
invites them to emotionally burn you in some
way. So act as brave as you can and keep
your feelings to yourself.
The key thing to learn from Bertrand Russell's
statement is that love is given to those who
seem to least demand it.
Because the truth is we all need
love "desperately" but we can overcome the
built-in disadvantage by learning how to act.
courtesy of Rocknolds