Merged: Jokes

[bud_boy79]

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WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says.........."HEBREWS"

[Jacopo]

Little Leroy



Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."

Little Leroy is a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy, of course, t hought he did.
Leroy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on !
his behavior over the last year and write a letter to God and tell him why he deserved a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

LETTER 1:

Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend,
Leroy T.


Leroy knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.


LETTER 2:

Dear God,

This is your friend Leroy. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you,
Leroy


Leroy knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started again.


LETTER 3:


Dear God,

I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for my birthday.

Leroy


Leroy knew he could not send this letter to God either,! so he wrote another letter.



LETTER 4:

Dear God,

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you,
Leroy


Leroy knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. By now, Leroy was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church.

Leroy's Mother thought her plan had worked because Leroy looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," his mother said.

Leroy walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Lero y began to write his letter to God.


LETTER 5:

I'VE GOT YOUR MAMA. ! IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.

Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO.

[greystoke]

She was riding a skateboard.

tsk....hehehhe

LETTER 5:

I'VE GOT YOUR MAMA. ! IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.

Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO.

nyahahha.....ako diay ni suwayan...tiga an padiay ko...lolz

[yagit]

A letter found in a bar in Manila

TO WHOEVER GETS TO UNDERSTAND THIS LETTER, CONGRATULATIONS!!..

The following is a letter found at a certain bar in
Manila and has been preserved in its original,unedited form. Enjoy reading
and you may try direct translation in Tagalog. Pls read with feelings...

October 1996

To Marjie,

I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you.
Why? What reason you can think about but you're
very fat body. I thought before that Dennis only
use me to his toy but sooner and later I'm realize
that he really can't not beared or stomached to be with you anymore because
at first, Dennis say he could not
stand you're habit of making pakialam all his walks
[lakad] and always calling to their house what he
go home or this or that. And then he say he get ashame to met iether in
school or in his family and then asking
you to exercise you're very very, very fat body.
But you hate it. Thoughth your the most preetiest
girls he knows about. What do you think you are "Beautiful Girl" of Jose
Marie Chan?

Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do
not have the right to called me whatsoever or else
different name one time or the other for the real
purposed to insults my personality because I'm
never call you names iether in the front of Dennis
or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already
to calling me different name, I don't have any
other choice but to call you other different name
to. Like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame
to you're body that is to a BUDING. You can't not blame Dennis for
exchanging you to me because I am the more sexier than you when you look to
us in the mirror. I'm repeat a gain that you are like Ike Lozada when
she is a girl.


Love,

The Sexiest Girl of D.M.

P.S. You say that I'm the bad breathe but who is
Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And
the final is me. There you go.

[Jacopo]

SundayMorningSex

I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling...



Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grand-

parent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her

grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love

on Sunday Morning."



Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having *** would surely

be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out

the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm.

Nice and slow and even... Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.

" She paused To wipe away a tear, and continued,
"He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along.! "

[iextreme]

hahaha namatay noon kay ni paspas ang bagting... lolz

[Ghost Rider]

Bwahahaha! Imagina kung taga Selecta ang ni-agi!!!!

Ting-ting-ting...ting-ting-ting...tingningningningningning! (patay!)

[Tamblot]

too fast too furious!!

[jhiade]

The Boy
-------------

first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,"Boy, what is your problem?"

Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I
think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Ms. Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the principal's office.
While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.

Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Boy: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Boy: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms. Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."

Ms. Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms. Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Boy, after a moment "Legs."

Ms. Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

Boy: "Pockets."

Ms. Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut

Ms. Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy: Bubblegum

Ms. Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...

Boy: Shake hands

Ms. Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?

Boy: Yep.

Ms. Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent

Ms. Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy: Wedding Ring

Ms. Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy: Nose

Ms. Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow

Ms. Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy: Firetruck

Ms. Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.

Boy: Fork

Ms. Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his
and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Boy: SURNAME

Ms. Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this Boy to the University, I got the last
ten questions wrong myself!"

[mique]

The Boy
-------------
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this Boy to the University, I got the last
ten questions wrong myself!"

me too! harharhar! nice one there... what a genius!