Originally Posted by
BrokenHeartedGuy
Hi bhe,
Dili na ko kabalo how to start this bhe. This may very well be my last email to you. I know you've heard this from me how many times na, please bhe, take time to read it naman. Kapoy na ko bhe magsige makigtunga sa imo love. Uyab man kaha ta. Sakto na ang mga sekreto bhe, I know naa pa kay lain, I dont want to explain that na coz I know you know you have secret chatmates or uyab other than me. I dont want to state names na, basta I know some. At first I dont want to believe it bhe, and pirmi man jud ka mudeny sa mga times na masakpan na ta ka. And mulikay jud ka when I ask you about details na, muingon magkaputol putol na ang imong internet etc. You know that I have the resources how to get those information. I want to say na I am not sorry for being hilabtanun. For me sakto ra tanan ako gibuhat. Now I know that pag naa koy doubts, masaligan jud nako ako instincts, and dili na ko dapat magpailad. After the first time I have done it, kato suko kaayu ka nako for reading your emails and stuff, I would have thought mag usab na ka, na dili na ka mangita pa ug lain and that I could trust you na. But no, nagtika maayu lang hinuon ka mutago nako. I guess my instincts are just better. Thanks sad for confirming na wala na jud koy masaligan na tawo.
Dugay na ko kabalo sa imo affairs bhe, ako na lang gipaagi ang christmas ug new year para intawn dili kaayu depressing ako holidays. Giprolong na lang nako ako gibati just so we could spend our first christmas and new year together even layu ta. Di na nako kaya paabtun pa nako sa ako birthday, dugay na kaayu to. Pero siyempre, knowing na you have others than me, depressing na to nako. I know dili man ka madepress if I told you earlier, ako ra hinuon nagpakasakit sa ako kaugalingon actually, at least I did not just think of myself bhe. I did not want you to feel a little bit lonely aning holidays bhe. Pero naa pa man kay laing gilove. I am not sure kung pila jud tanan, but knowing one or two is enough for me to know na dili jud ka seryoso nako. Sana naman you thought and still cherish all the things we have gone through - sa mga laag, disco, videoke, and even sa mga dili nato pagkakaintindihan - and felt the way I felt na seryoso to tanan ako gipakita nimo. I guess nagpakamartyr lang jud ko for loving you too much... I do love you bhe.
Wala lang ko kabalo bhe, how you could do those things to me. Magtago tago na jud ka nako. Yes, I know naka invisible ka ato bhe, please bhe, no more lies. Bhe, pwede ra man ka muingon unya na lang ta chat kay naa pa kay laing kachat, maybe someone important siguro to, imo ba amigo or pamilya or katrabaho, at least lang, nag ingon ka nako unta. Pwede man ka muingon na kapoy ka or unsa. But no, nagtago tago jud ka, nideny pa ka when I asked you about it. Kay you know man jud makigchat ka sa laing uyab or kachat nimo bhe. Grabe ra sad nako kahonest na gipangutana pa jud ta ka about it, and nituo ra sad ko sa imo tubag. I know man bhe na usahay di ka makigchat kay kapoy jud ka ba, kasabot man ko ana. Grabe gud ko musabot nimo bhe.
Ingon ka you love me bhe and yet, you let me fall in love so much pero dili ra diay ako isa ang naa sa imo heart. I know wala ko nimo pugsa na maglove ko nimo this much. But I guess I just fell in love so hard, wa na nako makontrol, grabe lang jud ko natamaan nimo. I would have fought for my love for you bhe, pero kung ikaw mismo ang dili sad ganahan, yun nga, martyr, wala ray kwenta. Maybe he means something more than me bhe, that is why dili nimo siya kaya buwagan. Ako di man sad ta ka kaya buwagan. You know na man the feeling bhe kanang nabuang na jud ka bhe sa imo uyab, and biyaan lang ka niya, pero lain lang huna hunaun na murag nibaws sad ka sa imo giagian before. And malas lang ko na you did it to me pa. Tanga lang jud ko bhe, unsa man ko kabright sa ubang butang, sa love, mas lamang jud ka. Thank you for teaching me something bhe.
Daghan na baya sad bhe ako gieffort to make "us" work. Mao bitaw to even naa na ko diri sa US mag exercise jud ko and bawas sa kaon. Para nimo jud tanan ni bhe, ingon man ka dili ka ganahan mutambok ko. So I try very hard magpadaot. I guess kuwang pa ako efforts bhe. Anyway, thanks for giving me the motivation to do this. Never have I been so determined na magnindot ako lawas. And at least, makita na nako ako progress. Thank you for that bhe. I also changed my attitude na sad kanang dali ra masuko, pero ang ako pagiging focused nimo, di na na nako mausab. Love man jud ta ka bhe. And if you think na naa sad koy laing kachat, guess what bhe, wala na jud. Gitago na nako ako visibility sa YM sa ubang kachat nako, dili na ko musud sa mga sites. Kung ganahan ka, ako pa to ipangdelete bhe. Naay times mutan aw ko sa profiles, pero kutob na lang ko tan aw, kay kabalo man ko bhe na naa na koy uyab, and happy na jud ko nimo. Kuntento na jud ko nimo even with all the mismatch preferences nato. Gidawat ta ka even we're 10 years apart.
If you notice this email bhe, I still call you "bhe". Ky kabalo na man ka grabe ako paglove nimo. Dili na ko magsuko suko, kapoy na bhe, Im done being angry, di man sad ka maminaw if suko ko. And para unsa pa masuko ko, I dont think you would care so much what I have to say. Sana lang basahun ni nimo tanan ako gisuwat dri. "I wish" I could say bhe na I will still accept you even after all this, if you promise to change, na ako jud imo uyab. But I dont think I can trust you pa bhe and I'm not sure sad if mas love ko nimo. Pero bhe, I dont know, I just love you so much, I cant close any doors sa ato relationship pa bhe. I loved you so much siguro na wala na koy nabilin para sa ako self. But then, maybe naa pa kay chance bhe. I just wish wala na ta niagi ani tanan and that we were meant to be together. Kung pwede lang kalimtan lang ni tanan. I dont know lang bhe. Magpakamartyr na sad siguro ko and mura na man ko ug desperado. Maybe muingon ra ka na daghan pa kog makita na uban. Pero bhe, know this, you have touched my life so much than any other person has ever touched it before.
Sakit lang kaayu huna hunaun bhe na you did not love me the way I loved you. Of course, dili man jud ko kapugos sa imo feelings, kapila na ko niingon ana. Maybe dili pa ka ready for what I can give you, or dili pa ka ready to commit to someone. Basin ganahan pa ka maglingaw2x usa. Well bhe, mas bata ko nimo, yet I would have settled with you if nagdecide sad ka to be with me. I could say na tinuod to ako ingon na ikaw na jud unta ako last love.
Nasakitan sad ko na muingon ka ug you love me, and yet dili ra diay ako imo gilove. That time sa terminal, happy kaayu ko for experiencing something na ingato. Naghilak ta when we were almost going to part ways, kalami sa feeling bhe. I felt your love, that even in public ipakita jud nimo imo love for someone especially sa ato situation, I am sorry lang wala ko nikiss nimo the way you kissed me. But I guess those were not totally true, naay part siguro na tinuod, I cant really say totally you were in love with me coz ikaw ray kabalo ana. And the time sad kato padung nako larga, kato sa eroplano, perte jud nako hilak when we were talking sa phone, I know tinuod sad to imo hilak for me, then you said you love me 100% na. Kabalo sad ka bhe na I was crying the entire trip. Now I know nadala ra siguro ka sa sitwasyon na biyaan ka sa someone special bhe. Pero dili diay to 100%. And blinded lang jud ko for believing. Maybe tinuod sad to gamay. Pero nganong naa pa man kay lain if tinuod to. I dont know bhe.
I do not know what you are thinking bhe, maybe mas lamang ko sa ubang kachat nimo. Although sa ato relationship bhe, manotice nako, ako may nag gukod nimo. Pirmi akoy mangita nimo, akoy maghuwat nimo, akoy mag intindi nimo. Maghuna huna ko karon, abi ko ba ikaw ang mas mature nato. Pero bhe, sa ubang nakita nako na kachat nimo, ikaw man ang nag gukod. Ikaw mangita nila, ikaw maghuwat na mag onlyn, ikaw magmata ug sayu sa buntag. Excited pa kaayu ka na magkachat na mo. Sa ako, dili man ka ingana kaayu. Sakit kaayu murag dili jud ko nimo love bhe. I guess dili jud siguro.
At least, all throughout these things bhe, at least sa kadaghan namo na kachat nimo, maswerte ko na I got to spend the most time with you and got to know you much more than they could. Thank you for the happy times we had. I know I was happy, sana happy sad ka. Sana kachat lang sila bhe, and ako jud ang uyab. Pero siyempre, dili ko ug naay katunga. Na kuntento na ka with me, bisan daghan sad kog usbunun na batasan, I will change bhe, basta ako jud imo love...
Although, the other side of this relationship is my side sad bhe. I know nagproblema ka sa ako batasan for being hilabtanun. Pero mao ra nay reason nimo? Kaila na ka nako from the start pa bhe na ingana ko, yet nagpadayun ra gihapon ka. But I dont know, I thought now na advantage nako ang pagiging hilabtanun. Coz I guess nagpadayun ta aning relationship nato in lies pala, naa diay kay lain. But then, kung ako tan awun, naa na kay lain even before naging kita, even after me spying on you, wa nimo siya buwagi. Ingana na lang jud siguro ka bhe. But bhe, naa baya toy time na nag usab ko, pero naa jud makita na mga hints bhe na you are cheating on me. That is why manghilabut lang gihapon ko. Sorry na lang for my behavior but I dont regret na ingana ko.
I just cant think of one big reason na inganiun ko nimo bhe. What have I done to you to deserve this? Maybe napul an na ka nako, on how I show my love for you - and you say ako pay napul an maghinuwat, you know baya bhe maghuwat jud ko nimo bisag unsa pa kadugay, you know that. Nagsalig ra sad siguro ka na maghuwat ra man diay ko, mao dili ko nimo ipriority. Maybe napul an na ka kay murag wala ra man koy challenge, na nainlove ra dayun ko nimo, I dont know bhe, you tell me. Or maybe kay mura kog pirmi ra magyawyaw nimo. Basin sad nasuffocate na ka bhe sa ako na kada minuto ko mangita nimo. Na wala na kay time usahay to show your sweetness or unsa. Pero you know the reason why mangita ko nimo, its coz I love you and I want na ikaw pirmi ako priority bisan unsa pa ko kabusy. I guess karon, kabalo na ko na mao dili ka ganahan every minute ta magsturya ky mao na ang panahon diay nimo para makalusot ka ug text o chat sa laing taw if dili ka makigchat o mutext nako. Unfair sad oi, gibahin bahin jud ang oras para masigo mi tanang kachat o uyab nimo. Yes bhe, I know ako oras nimo is from 7pm - 9pm lang diha, usahay pa gani makuha pa sa laing taw, I know nag invisible ka ato na times nakit an ta ka bhe, deny na sad ka. After that lain na sad, lain sad imo early morning ug lunch time. Maayuha nimo magbalanse sa oras sa. Nya muingon ka na dali ra ka dukaon, bantog ra, kay pirmi diay pilaw kay naay lain.
I dont think I could love anyone anymore the way that I loved you bhe, sakit diay na ako ihatag ako tibuok kinabuhi, unya wala diay dawata tanan, kuwang pa diay. Bisag mamatay na lang ko, dali ra diay para sa ubang tawo mangita ug lain na ikapuno. Oo, senti na kung senti, unsaon ta man, I love you man jud. Bhe, wala ko magregret for knowing and loving you. I have never been this happy with another person. I was willing to forget everyone else bhe, even my friends. My only regret is that sobra sobra lang ako love for you and wala na ko maghuna huna na ako ra diay gihapon ang masakitan in the end. I just hope naapreciate nimo tanang gihatag ug gipakita ug gibuhat nako sa imo bhe. And sana naging honest na lang ka before bhe na naa jud kay lain, para wala na ta nag invest ug daghang emotions aning relationship nato. Anyway bhe, I love you.
Remember the times when I tell you I cry bhe. I do cry. Lahi lang akong paghilak kay nobody will ever hear me cry, nagluha na ko, nagsakit na ang dughan, pero hilom lang. Unsaon ta man kay ingani ato kabutang. We can never show to anyone how we really feel.
Naa tay promise bhe di ba, na if magkita ta next year, I want to marry you na. Or in 5 years, if wala pa ta mga asawa, I would marry you. I dont know if seryoso ka ato bhe, but i know I was. I'll keep the ring on my finger bhe. Of course kailangan nato magback to zero na sad, I will forget everything na nahitabo sa past. Ana ko ka in love nimo bhe. I am willing to forgive bhe, if makita nako na ako na jud imo piliun. That is bhe, if seryoso na jud ka.
Oo diay, the ring. Maybe mao nay reason nimo na dili nimo suotun ang ako gihatag kay dili ka ganahan naay laing kachat nimo na makakita na naa kay singsing, na committed na ka to someone. Sana wala na lang nimo dawata bhe if naa man diay kay lain.
Sige bhe, pangita lang sa ug lain kung dili pa ka sure nako. As people say nga bhe, if you love someone, you have to let him go and if he comes back to you, then he is yours. I just wish na if you decide to come back, if you do decide to come back, naa pa ko.
I guess taas na kaayu ni ako gisuwat bhe, sige lang, basin panglast na sad ni nako, ako na lang hutdun tanang isulti nako. No I am not drunk karon. I just hope mabasa nimo tanan and sana, nakita nimo how true I am and my love for you. Thank you for everything bhe. I dont want to let you go, but I dont want to stay in this relationship sad if naa pa kay lain. Sana honest na ka next time bhe, if there is still a next time. I will always cherish the special moments we shared bhe, you've seen the pics, songs, videos and files I made for you or us bhe. Special to para nako. Keep them na lang. Even our chats, texts and emails are special to me. Sana you find someone as creative and thoughtful as me, and sana, you learn to be thoughtful and creative sad para sa imo uyab bhe. Some people appreciate little things such as those bhe, even a little "hi" is enough na bhe to brighten somebody's day.
Kung ako tan awun bhe, wala pa ka mag one month diha, napul an na ka nako. Of course, naa na man kay lain kato wa pa ka nilarga. Ingana na lang jud siguro imo batasan bhe, ganahan ka naay kasturya pirmi. Kay ngano, wala ba ko mag effort na magsturya ta pirmi? Ikaw ra may dili ganahan di ba na sturya ta pirmi? Ikaw ray muingon na magpabusy busy ka para dili ka magsige ug huna huna. Imo sad ko pabusy busyhon para dili sad ko magsige ug huna huna nimo. Nagpakabusy busy ra diay ka kay naa pay lain kasturya. Sige na lang bhe, thats life.
I still love you bhe...I will always love you, always and maybe forever. And if dili man ako imo piliun, good luck and I hope he or they will treat you better than I did and that maging honest sad ka bisan wala ka maging honest nako. Im sorry for the wrong things I have done, na grabe ko magselos. I know maglisod jud ko ani coz sa kagrabe sa ako love nimo, but dont worry bhe, makaya ra siguro ni nako...in time. Dili nako kaya maglet go bhe, but this is my way of showing you I love you this much to let you go. You will not be hearing anything from me na bhe, malipay na ka wala nay magkulit kulit nimo, wa nay magsamok samok sa imo pagchat chat diha. Maybe mao ra sad ni imo gihuwat bhe, na akoy musurrender aning relationship. I would not surrender bhe, you know gaano ta ka kalove, if I knew ako ray love nimo, pero naa pa man jud lain, nganong mustay pa man ko.
I will just say this one last time bhe, I know dili pa ko ready, pero sige na lang, I love you bhe,,,
Goodbye.
bhe
A letter I will be sending after new years. I am just a guy, who is in love with another guy. I just thought of letting someone read this first. Thank you for those who understands what I am going through.
Last letter to someone
Posting Permissions
