Being a single mom

[T0xic]

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if ako ang i-ask, di sad ko ka ingun kung unsa ako decision. akong feeling today might be different tomorrow. life is so complicated! sometimes man gud, even if mu ingun ang person, let's say ang father sa bata, mu ingun nga na usob na sya or responsible na sya and ready na to be a father and a husband. pero inig dawatun nimo balik, pareha ra diay gihapon sa una, buotan lang diay para balikan, ug balikan na, mubalik nasad ang batasan. ang pag change sa tawo, dili overnight, and we can never tell.

[d`monyita]

i guess a good indication for me if he is willing to pay RETROACTIVE child support. PLUS everything now on MY terms... for at least 6 months. then we re-negotiate. i am not the one needing him...he is the one who needs to get to know his son.
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[rocketdog31]

You know what caught my attention here is that I noticed something kinda odd. There are some who don't explain why they became single moms. I know of one who became a single mom because she couldn't stop sleeping around. And despite the many times the husband forgave her (to think she got pregnant by one of the guys she slept with... but she decided to have the baby removed since it was a "mistake"), she still went on and had a relationship with another guy... tried to hide it from her husband but he found out eventually. How? She miss sent a text to her husband meant for the other man. Obviously, the husband's natural reaction was anger. Anger that resulted from all the betrayal and lies.

To protect herself from his anger, she went to the barangay and fabricated a story that the guy was a wife-beater. Naturally, the barangay issued a protective order and the guy was forced to leave the home. While the husband was away, the wife was constantly out of the house at nights. Going to internet cafe's to chat with her boyfriend, chat-***-mates and new prospects from mIRC to the point of agreeing to meet up, have some drinks and, when good and drunk, go to a motel to finish the deed. All the while, their kids were left at home with just the yaya. Night in and night out this was her routine.

But the stories they tell are the exact opposite... they talk about sob stories and how they are the victims and how they cry themselves to sleep at nights when everyone else is asleep.

And lately, she's been proudly telling everyone that it's over between her and her husband (even if their marriage hasn't been severed). And proudly displaying her new guy. But still claims to cry herself to sleep at nights as she has to struggle with life on her own.

I'm not bashing anyone... just letting people know that there are people who are only showing one side of their story to appear the victim when they were the cause of the problem.

[V@nity]

Ikaw kuno mag-judge na enough bah ni i-let go pag ang imong significant other dili gusto pa-storya. dli kahibaw maminaw sa laing tao, dli gusto imong family or he dont understand g-unsa ka pagpadako sa parents nimo, that he cursed God kung saputon xa labi na on the road mo during traffic, that he compare u sa ex nya, na he still around sa inyo relationship pero never na xa ni balik sa haus nyo to gain respect sa parents mo, like dli nsad xa gnahan sa imong family kay ikaw ra iyang gusto, latagaw nga tao mag-laag most of the time and dli na i-spend sa imo for the sake mahimo namong family, molaag without me knowing asa xa, contackon dli tubagon ang tawag or text or walang return call bisan 100times nang g.contact nimo xa, pero he's just around for both of us ni bb. wud u still hold on pa bah bsan hes been doing that almost a year na?

[d`monyita]

@vanity --- of course not. I would NOT HAVE WAITED a year to cut ties. few months pa lang... goodbye! hehe

@rockdog --- hey... there are some single DADS here... if you read the divorce/annulment thread... ma-gets mo naman who i am referring to. none of us --moms and dads alike--- will say that we were at fault... save for u i guess hahahahaha.

i just know lang... i try to do what is right for the sake of my son. if that means SEVERING/CUTTING OFF ties with his father.... then so be it.
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[Sol_Itaire]

I don't think we would want to be raising a kid alone. The decision to be a single mom/dad is one hard decision, i'm sure. makigbulag ra jud tingale kung di na makaya, kung grabeh na ang kasakit na na cause sa relationship.

Question, single moms/dads: naka try na pod mo counseling? kay maayu gyud naay third party to help you see things clearly. lisod man kamo-kamo ra kay inyung side ra ang makita. di pod enough ang family members kay usually biased sila.

[rocketdog31]

@rockdog --- hey... there are some single DADS here... if you read the divorce/annulment thread... ma-gets mo naman who i am referring to. none of us --moms and dads alike--- will say that we were at fault... save for u i guess hahahahaha.

i just know lang... i try to do what is right for the sake of my son. if that means SEVERING/CUTTING OFF ties with his father.... then so be it.
.

Thanks for pointing that out. The reason why I admit my mistakes, faults and short-comings is because I do know where I stand and I'm aware that I'm not the perfect person and husband.

Unsaon man gud, tawo ra man ta unya masayop man.

I envy and salute you for the firmness of your resolve to do what is right for your son. I wish all mothers were like you and not think that just because they provide food and shelter for their children (ang clothing lalison pa kay dili pa kaayo daghan ang gisi og buslot) that's enough to qualify as good parenting. Biyaan man gani kada ang mga bata kada gabi-i para mag-igat igat. But that's life, I guess. Life isn't fair all the time.

Usahay maka-ingon ta nga Ginoo na la'y bahala nila.

[HenryLiwanag]

Raise your child as normal as possible. Do not plant sense of hate in the heart of the child. You are in a tough situation right now but after you get over it, believe me, you want your child to be a happy child without sadness and hate in his/her heart.

Try reading more about the process of forgiveness. You need to forgive yourself first then the father of your child. If ever your considered what happened as a mistake - learn from it.

How important is it to be able to forgive yourself?
The benefits of acknowledging our mistakes, learning from them and moving on are huge. Sometimes it takes a near-death experience to force us to review our lives. If the first step is to forgive others, then the next has to be to turn that forgiveness towards ourselves. It brings relief from a potentially crippling sense of shame and guilt. Learning self-acceptance brings peace of mind.

Through your work, you have found that forgiving is one of the most important catalysts for change. Why?
Forgiveness goes beyond psychology: a spiritual transformation takes place. It takes us from a sense of ‘small self’ or ego, to one of a ‘larger self’. With that change of perspective, everything changes. Just as we move from childhood to becoming an adult, forgiveness takes us from an immature position, one of a false sense of power, to one of wisdom and generosity.

Hope this helps....

[nitesky]

I don't think we would want to be raising a kid alone. The decision to be a single mom/dad is one hard decision, i'm sure. makigbulag ra jud tingale kung di na makaya, kung grabeh na ang kasakit na na cause sa relationship.

Question, single moms/dads: naka try na pod mo counseling? kay maayu gyud naay third party to help you see things clearly. lisod man kamo-kamo ra kay inyung side ra ang makita. di pod enough ang family members kay usually biased sila.

Sol_Taire is right... the decision for being single moms and dads were done in a snap. Im sure niagi pa ug mga kasakit before makigbuwag oie. I for one naka-agi ana. Kahibaw naa koy sala sa ako bf pero its not like i was sleeping with other men. I just hid my pregnancy from him kay the first time ako cya giingnan nga pregnant ko, with out looking at my face he just said blankly, "dili nlng na nato padayonon". As a woman and anak malain jud ka kung makadungog ka ana nga pulonga. Ato nga time dili pa ko ready nga mo let go namo so ako cya giilad nga ako na gpakuha. My mind ato time-ma wala na sa saktong place kay stormy na kaau amo realtionship. he's been accusing me of many things nya accept ra dayon ko nga wala man gani ko ni defend sa ako self.Dako jud tong sayop ako nabuhat nga gitago nya, accept ko ana... So karon nka decide nko nga ako nlng buhi sa baby kay wala nko kaagwanta sa mga kasakit gud... dili man sa ingon nga wala nkoy feelings para sa daddy sa ako baby, ni let go lng ko nya kay thats what he wanted and that i think is the best sa pagkakaron.....

[Sol_Itaire]

^tsk tsk tsk how saaaad. ma depressed man sad ko makabalo sa mga sad life stories diri oi

muster up courage, hope, resiliency. "indomitable" is the word. we can do it! (rattling up words here coz i don't really know what to say. *sigh*)