Being a single mom

[V@nity]

---

What's your story?
How hard to be alone, would the father is around for his child?
How did you move on and cope up with the situation?
What's your relationship now with the father?
How did you explain when the child asks for his father?
Would it be hard to be in relationship again? And be loved?

Sigh, I'm new to this and currently complicated.
I don't know what to do of being a single mom of a 1month old child.

[d`monyita]

My best advice would be: (granting you are not married to the dad)

1. DO NOT let the child take on the last name of the father. (Why in heaven's name would you want that when he did not marry you in the first place?)
2. DO NOT let the father sign the birth certificate. (I remember a friend of mine who cannot take her son to Hong Kong kasi dapat meron SIGNATURE ng father before makalabas ng bansa. DUHHHH)
3. Get going with your life. You are NOW responsible for your someone else's life. You do not need the father to survive. If he gives...well and good...if not... well... you are the mother... find a way.
4. Live and work as if you have no one else to rely on.... for your baby has no one else but you.
5. DO NOT just agree and agree to what the father says...get advice from a lawyer. (If you cannot a afford a lawyer.... one will be appointed for you...kidding!) If you cannot afford a lawyer...post your problem in this thread and let the very wise single parents give you advice.
6. Your child is entitled to a whole lot....so if you want to sue...go ahead. (Just be prepared to shell out money when you sue him...so try to reason out with him first hahahahaha) Dapat HALF kayo sa LAHAT ng expenses ng child.... THAT is what he should give you at the very least.... that includes TUITION.

For the moment yan pa lang maalala ko. Haaayyy iha.... lisod na imo gisudlan na situation but...the REWARDS are awesome! It is no joke to raise a child on your own...but just because it is not a joke...it does not mean that you cannot do it. A lot of us have done it.

BE STRONG. Rely on the Lord always.
.

[peewee_toot]

i am raised by my mom alone.. kaya ra mn na nmo sis. just have faith!

[sexy_roxy]

i am a single mom, i am 24 yrs old and my daughter is 3 yrs old... dli na lng nko i storya kng unsay nahitabo ky taas ayo ang story and sad kaau akong experience... ako lng ikasulti V@nity ky do whats best for u and ur baby, give ur baby a normal life and i know kaya na nmo nga wla ang iyang dad... i stand as a mom and dad sa baby but i know naa juy daddys stuff nga dli nko makaya... sa akong part bsag irresponsible ang dad sa akong kid ang last name mn sa dad ang gamit sa akong baby,
dli nun ko mosugot nga mg stay sa iya ang baby, kaila akong baby sa iyang dad ky i know ig daku mangita or mangutana mn jd na atleast later akong buhaton is ang pgpasabot na lng nya nganu ingun ani mi sa iyang dad krn, i'm not wd his dad na pro naa ghapon mi communication and sometimes we do see each other with our kid, and pra nko bsag unsa pa kasalbahis iyang dad mao mn jd na iyang dad...

weak mn kaau ko b4 and im a crying baby ever pro krn i am strong enough and i know how to face sa mga challenges sa life.. PRAY lng jd ky powerful kaau nah... and believe in urself...

[d`monyita]

I beg to disagree.... if the dad is deadbeat and irresponsible... ARE YOU being a responsible mom by allowing your child to be around people who are like that?

Lahat tayo mga single parents NASAKTAN. Walang mas lamang ang pain sa atin.... each one got burned badly.

But think about this: A SPERM DONOR DOES NOT MAKE A FATHER.

Here is another one.... One can give without loving...BUT one cannot love without giving.... how can one parent say... I love you, my child....YET not provide?

As to my child.... he knows his dad is a bad dad... did I tell him that? NOPE. My son TOLD me. He heard us arguing...he saw me crying... so... do I LIE to my son and tell him that his dad is candidate for the BEST father in the world? Of course not. I just asked him... what do you think, son? He said... maybe daddy should not come back anymore. He said that when he was THREE years old. He is now 5 and doing very well at home...and in school and in church.

Tama ba yan? Nasa iyo ang bata 24/7...kung may sakit ikaw ang natataranta...kung walang makain ikaw natataranta.... tapos dadating ang dad ng bata bearing gifts once in a blue moon na parang santa claus.... tapos mawawala ng ilang buwan? Is that correct that you allow parental rights....WITHOUT parental RESPONSIBILITIES?

What are you teaching your child then? That it is OKAY to be a doormat? That it is OKAY to shirk responsibilities if you do not like them?

What are you afraid of? That your child will grow up without a father? THERE ARE MILLIONS of fatherless kids that make it good in this world. Your situation is NOT unique. You are a STATISTIC. You are a single mom.

That goes the same for single fathers.... I know of SEVERAL dads here sa istorya (and they can post in this thread if they want to.... or you can search about "single parenting" for their posts) na solo nila taguyod ila mga anak. Mga walang kuwenta kasi ang mga nanay. My hats off to them... mas mahirap ang single dad than single mom in my opinion.

I also know of some here who will disagree with me... allowing the father of their child to "borrow" their son/daughter for a day or two.... then I would hear them complain about how hard it is to maintain discipline when sa "other house" the kid can do whatever they want. Well...DUHHH.

You have to have backbone. You have to take a stand. If the father does not give half of what the child needs... then he cannot see the child AT ALL.

You can do it.
.

[V@nity]

@d`monyita
We're not married sa father but nka.apelyido sa kanya ang bata. I'm living right now with my family. I'm in a toxic relationship with him. I really wanted to let go bsan pregnant pako coz emotionally Im abuse until now. He keeps staying on us, he never committed yet to my parents - pero naa xa pra namo. Unhealthy nasd among relationship coz maglaag man xa pero dli ko pahibaw-un. Kung magkuyog mi murag lazy day. Even I initiated to go out wala xang gana. I just decided to be firm on my decision, to move on and go. But he wont confirm or words to end our relationship. He seems more happy now than I am.
I want to let go and be a single mom nlang. Pero malouy ko ni baby na when she gets older wala man lang xang family, like emotionally and physically no mom and dad that are together.

@sexy_roxy
U know wat I dont like ur situation baya, coz I really wanted to go back at zero. No communication at all sa father. Pero my child will ask soon. Basin i-accuse ko nya nga selfish ko kay wa nko ghatagan xa ug chance to see his father.

@peewee_toot
Dli bah lisud? Curious ko unsa-on pag-sabut sa bata sa iyang situation. Dli ka masuya nga pagdaku nimo dli complete imong family? Ako malouy sa akong baby kung mka-huna2x na xa ana. Mas nalouy ko nya, and partly I blame myself of bringing up in here na bati na iyang foundation. I dont like this to happen bya pero iyang father murag dli mo compromise. Besides, may step-siblings nsad akong baby, anak sa amahan sa iyang past.

[d`monyita]

@vanity--- grow up kiddo.... there is no perfect family in this world. would u rather nga show her what real strength is or would you rather show her that it is okay if you get abused..that it is okay to be someone's doormat? that it is okay when she grows up...it is okay for her to accept abuse. kasi...all in the name of having a "family?" please read these posts:

https://www.istorya.net/forums/1146006-post174.html

https://www.istorya.net/forums/1165013-post227.html

https://www.istorya.net/forums/1165340-post228.html

What is a family to you? Who says you and your daughter are NOT a family? Read those posts carefully. Read what is the definition of FAMILY accdg to the webster dictionary.

Are you telling me that me and my son are not a family?

And if in the end you still cannot find the backbone to stand on your own.... good luck na lang sa yo.
.

[peewee_toot]

@peewee_toot
Dli bah lisud? Curious ko unsa-on pag-sabut sa bata sa iyang situation. Dli ka masuya nga pagdaku nimo dli complete imong family? Ako malouy sa akong baby kung mka-huna2x na xa ana. Mas nalouy ko nya, and partly I blame myself of bringing up in here na bati na iyang foundation. I dont like this to happen bya pero iyang father murag dli mo compromise. Besides, may step-siblings nsad akong baby, anak sa amahan sa iyang past. They are 4 of them.

sa bata pa ko ky okey ra mn. ing ka dako na sa bata (knang naa nay buot unya mka sabot na sa situation) murag lisud na kaayu na. until now, im still craving for the love of my father. prmi gd ko mghilak every family day sa among skul. sakit kaayu oi. dli jd lalim nga mgdako ang bata nga walay amahan.

[d`monyita]

and why was your father not around, peewee? did he provide for u and your mom?

[peewee_toot]

^^wala jd. my mom was preggy @ 16 y.o. akong papa ky naay lain. buntis mn pd ang kabit sa akong papa ato nga time but mas na una lng jd c mama og ka buntis. the sad thing is, mas gipili ni papa ang iyang kabit. i really dont know unsay reason sa akong papa kng why mas gipili nya ang iyang kabit kysa sa akong mama. luoy gani kaayu akong mama ky igo ra jd nya gigamit.

until now ky wala pa jd ko nka kita sa akong papa maskin sa picture mn lng. wala nlng pd nko pangita-a ky i bet happy na to cya sa iyang family.

btw, both my parents have their own family na. wala lng ko ngstay nila ky naa mn ko sa akong lola. akong lola and mga aunt nlng ang ngbuhi nko ky tungod sa situation sa akong parents.

uwawa ani oi! ni share jd ko ninyu sa akong experience. pasenxa na.