Pang-inis joke

[Melody Blakely]

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Post your jokes here kanang maka-inis sa tao, hehe. thanks

[krayziebone]

D mani xa maka.inis but lingaw..hehe



St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. “Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?” “Sure,” replied Jesus. “What do I have to do?” “Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven.” “Sounds easy enough. OK.” So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. He peered at the old man and asked, “What was it you did for a living?” The old man replied, “I was a carpenter.” Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. “Did you have any family?” he asked. “Yes, I had a son, but I lost him.” Jesus leaned forward some more. “You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?” “Well, he had holes in his hands and feet.” Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, “Father?” The old man leaned forward and whispered, “Pinocchio?”

[666satan]

Sulat ng isang anak, sa Daddy niya na OFW:
Dear Dad,
Thanks sa padala mo. Happy si Nene kasi tobleron baon nya sa skul. Yung nike
suot na ni Junior. Next time, huwag ka na magpadala ng NIVEA MILK, di nila
type kasi mapait daw... ako tuloy ang umubos.

Three Feelings:
What is the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when your wife is pregnant,
Tension is when your girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.

BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital): Hello... may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator: Wala po, bakit?
Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!

Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na sana ang
bahala sa lahat-lahat. .. I LOVE YOU!
Wife: Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!

Erap dreamed that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter gave him Ai-ai delas
Alas as partner, saying, 'Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang partner mo.'
Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto and said, 'Bakit si Chavit, mas madaming
kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?' St. Peter: Iho, parusa yan kay Gretchen.

Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"

Why did Erap shoot his wife when he bought a house?
Because the contract reads: 'Execute all 3 copies together with your wife...'

Ano ang nagpasikat kay Erap? Wristband.
Ano ang magpapayaman kay Abalos? Broadband.
Ano ang magpapabagsak kay GMA? Husband!

JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?
ERAP: ? (di nagsasalita)
JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.
ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to Bakit may speaking?

Sa morgue...
Pedro: Boss, noong nilinis ko 'yung bangkay ng babae, napansin ko, may hipon
yung ari niya!
Amo: Patingin nga... Tanga! Hindi hipon 'yan! Tinggil 'yan!
Pedro: Ganoon ba? Eh kasi, lasang hipon!

Usapan ng tatlong lalaki...
Tulume: Ang tanga ng misis ko. Bumili ng answering machine, wala naman kaming
telepono..
Juan: Mas tanga ang misis ko. Bumili ng scanner, wala naman kaming computer.
Kulas: Pinakatanga ang misis ko. Lagi siyang may condom sa bag, wala naman
siyang titi.

BF: May ibibigay akong gift sayo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman...
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi... PANGHILOD!

Kumpisal...
Lalaki: Kasalanan ho bang ikaskas ko ang ari ko sa ari ng tsimay namin?
Kaskas lang ho, hindi ko ipinasok.
Pari: Pag kaskas, para mo na ring ipinasok.
Lalaki: Ganoon ho ba? Ikakaskas ko na lang ang pera ko sa donation box.
Parehas lang pala iyon!

Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko...
Pedro: Ano regalo mo?
Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
Pedro: Ano naman sinabi?
Juan: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
Pedro: Ano binigay mo?
Juan: Baraha.

Old man: Can you give me an erection?
Faith Healer: I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even
cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the "dead".

I thought my life is lonely till I saw a man with no arms but happily shakes
his body.
I asked him: "You don't have an arm, why are you! so happy?"
He answered: "di ako happy, makati lang itlog ko!"

[kulas24]

Sulat ng isang anak, sa Daddy niya na OFW:
Dear Dad,
Thanks sa padala mo. Happy si Nene kasi tobleron baon nya sa skul. Yung nike
suot na ni Junior. Next time, huwag ka na magpadala ng NIVEA MILK, di nila
type kasi mapait daw... ako tuloy ang umubos.

Three Feelings:
What is the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when your wife is pregnant,
Tension is when your girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.

BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital): Hello... may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator: Wala po, bakit?
Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!

Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na sana ang
bahala sa lahat-lahat. .. I LOVE YOU!
Wife: Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!

Erap dreamed that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter gave him Ai-ai delas
Alas as partner, saying, 'Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang partner mo.'
Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto and said, 'Bakit si Chavit, mas madaming
kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?' St. Peter: Iho, parusa yan kay Gretchen.

Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"

Why did Erap shoot his wife when he bought a house?
Because the contract reads: 'Execute all 3 copies together with your wife...'

Ano ang nagpasikat kay Erap? Wristband.
Ano ang magpapayaman kay Abalos? Broadband.
Ano ang magpapabagsak kay GMA? Husband!

JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?
ERAP: ? (di nagsasalita)
JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.
ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to Bakit may speaking?

Sa morgue...
Pedro: Boss, noong nilinis ko 'yung bangkay ng babae, napansin ko, may hipon
yung ari niya!
Amo: Patingin nga... Tanga! Hindi hipon 'yan! Tinggil 'yan!
Pedro: Ganoon ba? Eh kasi, lasang hipon!

Usapan ng tatlong lalaki...
Tulume: Ang tanga ng misis ko. Bumili ng answering machine, wala naman kaming
telepono..
Juan: Mas tanga ang misis ko. Bumili ng scanner, wala naman kaming computer.
Kulas: Pinakatanga ang misis ko. Lagi siyang may condom sa bag, wala naman
siyang titi.

BF: May ibibigay akong gift sayo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman...
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi... PANGHILOD!

Kumpisal...
Lalaki: Kasalanan ho bang ikaskas ko ang ari ko sa ari ng tsimay namin?
Kaskas lang ho, hindi ko ipinasok.
Pari: Pag kaskas, para mo na ring ipinasok.
Lalaki: Ganoon ho ba? Ikakaskas ko na lang ang pera ko sa donation box.
Parehas lang pala iyon!

Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko...
Pedro: Ano regalo mo?
Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
Pedro: Ano naman sinabi?
Juan: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
Pedro: Ano binigay mo?
Juan: Baraha.

Old man: Can you give me an erection?
Faith Healer: I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even
cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the "dead".

I thought my life is lonely till I saw a man with no arms but happily shakes
his body.
I asked him: "You don't have an arm, why are you! so happy?"
He answered: "di ako happy, makati lang itlog ko!"

nice!!! wla na??
hehehe
makalingaw xa dah..

[tina062385]

more jokes pa..lingaw lingaw xa...mejo taas lng...pero funny....

[iRviNe]

Sulat ng isang anak, sa Daddy niya na OFW:
Dear Dad,
Thanks sa padala mo. Happy si Nene kasi tobleron baon nya sa skul. Yung nike
suot na ni Junior. Next time, huwag ka na magpadala ng NIVEA MILK, di nila
type kasi mapait daw... ako tuloy ang umubos.

Three Feelings:
What is the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when your wife is pregnant,
Tension is when your girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.

BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital): Hello... may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator: Wala po, bakit?
Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!

Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na sana ang
bahala sa lahat-lahat. .. I LOVE YOU!
Wife: Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!

Erap dreamed that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter gave him Ai-ai delas
Alas as partner, saying, 'Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang partner mo.'
Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto and said, 'Bakit si Chavit, mas madaming
kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?' St. Peter: Iho, parusa yan kay Gretchen.

Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"

Why did Erap shoot his wife when he bought a house?
Because the contract reads: 'Execute all 3 copies together with your wife...'

Ano ang nagpasikat kay Erap? Wristband.
Ano ang magpapayaman kay Abalos? Broadband.
Ano ang magpapabagsak kay GMA? Husband!

JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?
ERAP: ? (di nagsasalita)
JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.
ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to Bakit may speaking?

Sa morgue...
Pedro: Boss, noong nilinis ko 'yung bangkay ng babae, napansin ko, may hipon
yung ari niya!
Amo: Patingin nga... Tanga! Hindi hipon 'yan! Tinggil 'yan!
Pedro: Ganoon ba? Eh kasi, lasang hipon!

Usapan ng tatlong lalaki...
Tulume: Ang tanga ng misis ko. Bumili ng answering machine, wala naman kaming
telepono..
Juan: Mas tanga ang misis ko. Bumili ng scanner, wala naman kaming computer.
Kulas: Pinakatanga ang misis ko. Lagi siyang may condom sa bag, wala naman
siyang titi.

BF: May ibibigay akong gift sayo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman...
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi... PANGHILOD!

Kumpisal...
Lalaki: Kasalanan ho bang ikaskas ko ang ari ko sa ari ng tsimay namin?
Kaskas lang ho, hindi ko ipinasok.
Pari: Pag kaskas, para mo na ring ipinasok.
Lalaki: Ganoon ho ba? Ikakaskas ko na lang ang pera ko sa donation box.
Parehas lang pala iyon!

Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko...
Pedro: Ano regalo mo?
Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
Pedro: Ano naman sinabi?
Juan: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
Pedro: Ano binigay mo?
Juan: Baraha.

Old man: Can you give me an erection?
Faith Healer: I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even
cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the "dead".

I thought my life is lonely till I saw a man with no arms but happily shakes
his body.
I asked him: "You don't have an arm, why are you! so happy?"
He answered: "di ako happy, makati lang itlog ko!"

more quotes pa kuya.. payter lge ni..