"ITS COMPLICATED" scenario...

[noy]

@noy: i come from a traditional chinese fam... Love isnt on the top of list, its family acceptance and good fung-sui... But i do love my wife, its just were worlds apart in interests, hobbies n likes... My friend is also 100% chinese and from a respectable fam.. Its just were not on the same level of playing field...
know if my friend will stay "for better or worse"...

i see, in that case bro, though i do not know you personally ...i believe that it is only you that knows what's best for you
and i hope that you will be able to do what is RIGHT as far as the boundaries within your culture is concerned..

no offense bai ha,this is also meant to be a joke...i hope you'd take it as such..
but i think that fung-sui thing isn't much of a help 'cause it actaully caused you a lot more STRESS instead of a FORTUNE( not necessarily financial) hehehe...

[C'thulhu]

@Decoy888, I fully understand where you are coming from, as usual it is always the family that dictates your path in life, so much so in the choosing of a spouse. It could be both boon and bane depending on the person.

Now, there are two logical choices here:

1. Stick with your wife and cease fooling around with your "friend" and go on living a bland life happily ever after.

2. Pursue your "friend" and probably go on living with the love of your life.

or:

3. Stick with your wife and go on living like "normal" and see your "friend" on the side assuming if she also agrees to this arrangement. Keyword here is to be discreet. Just make sure to wipe your mouth after eating.

Now depending on your moral compass, usually "normal" people will only choose either 1 or 2. If you want to live an exciting life, as you mentioned you only live once, choice number 3 can give you that. Of course nothing is for free and nothing lasts forever. Time will come that you will slip up and make mistakes, and if you play your cards right, hopefully your wife will understand you and your actions.

So far have two friends who took choice number 3, both are still married to their wives after 30 years...

[C'thulhu]

it's not that i'm concluding anything though
but the point i was trying to make is that one has the option to NOT marry if wala man diay gani nahigugma diba?
don't you think that is the most Logical thing to do under normal circumstances.
kaysa mag minyo unya kung masayop, muingun dayun nga wa man gud ko nahigugma sa akong asawa...tuwengwengweng

considering what the TS said, that he only married his wife daw because his family was pressuring him and that it was the logical thing to do given his age pud...hence i asked if asay naka logical ana nga part?

It would be better to understand the logic of the thread starters action by having a bit of understanding regarding Filipino-Chinese culture and customs. If you ask unsay naka logical sa iyang actions, in ts case, logic dictates that you listen and follow the orders of your elders, illogical it may seem to you, but from their experience and wisdom, they made that decision for your own good and the family's too.

The word normal is highly relative, depending on one's culture, customs and point of view.

[noy]

It would be better to understand the logic of the thread starters action by having a bit of understanding regarding Filipino-Chinese culture and customs. If you ask unsay naka logical sa iyang actions, in ts case, logic dictates that you listen and follow the orders of your elders, illogical it may seem to you, but from their experience and wisdom, they made that decision for your own good and the family's too.

The word normal is highly relative, depending on one's culture, customs and point of view.

did the TS mentioned in his first post that the marriage was rather cultural based instead of a personal choice?
the TS only said that he married his wife because he thought it was a logical thing to do
considering the pressure his family was giving him and his age.

my reply/comment to the TS' post was basically in proportion to the info presented.
i even asked him to further elaborate how is it logical to marry someone we don't love because of our age and family pressure?
(of course if he didn't mind to share)

that's also the reason why i said "under normal circumstances" 'cause we don't get
Marital Problems involving Chinese traditions on a regular basis
which makes the TS's Scenario unusual. YES he did indicate that it is complicated one
but he missed the part where he might have added that this is not your normal married but looking Scenario..hence the approach of the comments here in this thread would have been different.

i'm pretty sure that from a Chinese culture's perspective on marriage, it is still wrong to fool around with someone else when you're married right?(correct me if i'm wrong). at the end of the day, we can all agree that what the TS is doing with the advocate of his conscience(as he said his conscience is eating him up)
is still wrong. don't get me wrong, this is not to judge the TS, like i said before that no one has the right to do so
i hope you wouldn't equate telling people that what they're doing is wrong with judging them
'cause they're simply not the same.


please do not misunderstand. Thank You.

[C'thulhu]

did the TS mentioned in his first post that the marriage was rather cultural based instead of a personal choice?
the TS only said that he married his wife because he thought it was a logical thing to do
considering the pressure his family was giving him and his age.

my reply/comment to the TS' post was basically in proportion to the info presented.
i even asked him to further elaborate how is it logical to marry someone we don't love because of our age and family pressure?
(of course if he didn't mind to share)

that's also the reason why i said "under normal circumstances" 'cause we don't get
Marital Problems involving Chinese traditions on a regular basis
which makes the TS's Scenario unusual. YES he did indicate that it is complicated one
but he missed the part where he might have added that this is not your normal married but looking Scenario..hence the approach of the comments here in this thread would have been different.

please do not misunderstand. Thank You.

No misunderstanding here, just sharing my thoughts on the matter...

Imho, there is really no right or wrong answer here, it all depends on the person's point of view...

@noy: i come from a traditional chinese fam... Love isnt on the top of list, its family acceptance and good fung-sui... But i do love my wife, its just were worlds apart in interests, hobbies n likes... My friend is also 100% chinese and from a respectable fam.. Its just were not on the same level of playing field...
@Passport: thanks for the read!
@spartan: youre right but i do have an ace... I just dont know if my friend will stay "for better or worse"...

Ah yes, my bad, he did mention it a few posts after...

[C'thulhu]

@, you are also correct that it is wrong to fool around(cheat) when you are already married. And the thread starter's moral compass is also pointing the wrong way with regards to his actions, hence his conscience is eating him up. I do agree with you that we have no right to judge others, we can only tell them what is right and wrong according to our beliefs and points of view.

[P-Chan]

purag man ni katong salida nga "I give it a year"

[kageron]

Never fall for the game that you started playing, you might just pay the price

[carbrill]

TS we don't have the right to judge you on your situation we can give you advises but it is up to you. better think it over. if you want to give yourself a peace of mind. try to let go of one of it. it is not about being selfish or whatsoever; but it is about how man enough you are to stand on what you believe in that makes you happy.

I think your wife is not that naïve not knowing your secret affair. try to weigh things. hope you can find answer to your problem...

[R_sQuArEd]

ang biga di magsaba