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I saw some photos of the massacre this evening. As one would expect from photos of such nature, they were disturbing. Among the photos was a list of names. The victims' names. Just out of plain curiousity I nonchalantly typed in one of the names I saw on the list on Facebook's search feature. The name was "Cynthia Oquendo", and to my surprise, it turns out she was a friend of about 8 of my FB friends. Turns out she was the victim featured in today's edition of Sun Star Cebu newspaper--it turns out she studied/worked here in Cebu City a while back.



I had the urge to try out the other names, but decided not to, for it almost felt as if I had that macabre urge to see the dead still "alive" in their Facebook pages.

To me, now living here in Cebu City, this bit of news, with all the accompanying gruesome photos, is almost all too surreal. But then, on the other hand, it's also not. Growing up in Mindanao, especially the Lanao area, I know that incidents such as these do happen. In fact, I guess I've grown a bit "calloused" or jaded about the fact that people do die or get killed down south, in outrageously tragic ways. I've witnessed people lying in a pools of blood right outside our own house in MSU, Marawi.

Maybe that callousness is also the reason why I feel somewhat detached from all the "calls" and "invites" for action against the perpetrators of this truly heinous crime. It's not a good state to be in, to be calloused and numb from all this, especially from something like this. But I am just being honest. I'm pretty sure some of you who were once living in Mindanao but are now elsehwere, are equally saddened and outraged by this incident. But I do believe some of you do understand what I mean by this sort of "detached" feeling about it as well. You have your present lives to contend with, outside the sphere of life which you once existed in, back in Mindanao. It makes one feel almost alienated from such events, and gives that sort of surreal feeling--it's like "no, this can't be happening". But alas, it did happen.

I don't know what my objective was, by writing this note, perhaps it's just my own way of facing truth, facing the realities of this country which, most of us think, is "on its way" to improving its political, economic, and social state. I thrive in this sort of "illusion" of progress, because yes, I'm proud to say that, compared to my life then, when I was in Mindanao, I'm really enjoying the thought that, perhaps this country is indeed headed for something better, and this is brought about by the fact, that the blessings I've received while working in Cebu, seems to be pointing in that direction.

Then, something like this incident, hits you head-on like a steam roller.

Ang layo pa pala. Nakakalungkot isipin.



-RODION