Is there equality in marriage (in terms of power and responsibilities)

[Velvett]

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Is marriage gender blind when it comes to power and responsibilities, or is it still traditional? Can we really say that there is equality in marriage?

For me, gender blindness and equality are present when:

- both CAN pursue careers. "can" because either may opt to stay at home upon mutual agreements or when necessary, but never forced or pressured to abandon his/her career.
- both contribute to the economic union. ideally, both are financially productive. staying at home is an option, but never a reason to depend on a partner economically.
- both raise their children. both feed, clothe, bathe, tutor, discipline, attend school functions, etc.
- both do household chores

It bothers me that it's mostly women who take care of children. maoy mag sige adto skwelahan, manglaba, magpakaon, mag disiplina, etc. as if iya ra ni nga role ug walay labot ang bana.

It bothers me also that it's mostly men who pursue a job or a career, think that they should be the primary breadwinner and wives take the financially supporting role. if the wife earns more, ma insecure and bana. if the hubby earns less, ma wala sad ang respetar sa asawa. (women want equality, but still we expect men to be the primary breadwinner? isn't this UNFAIR? if skilled ug ambitious jud diay ang babaye, don't we take that into consideration and give the husband some slack?)

In the house, we label chores as feminine or masculine.

Is there really equality in marriage? Are you the unique person that you are in the marriage or you assume a role, perhaps unwillingly?

[Velvett]

uhmmm bug-at ra ni nga topic,

or

feminista ra kaayu

[cindy]

d man cguro tinuod bitaw ako ni quit ko ako field career to atttain my family but basically ako na tanan household chores murag wa nako bana, wana gani pa beauty kay lusyang na.mypa ako bana maka afford pa og beach party.sometimes i wish i didnt quit what i do best, and to weigh more i can earn more income than my husband its just i prefer to stay home.....but taking these choice is for you to take consequences that u will deal talaga with less respect to your husband..sadly but true girl

[Velvett]

^the problem is, housework is often not seen as having the same monetary value as a job outside. mahaulog nga free or volunteer work ba. tsk tsk. and then i associate pa jud as the wife's work.

the truth is, women are as capable as men but marital roles seem to put the genders in boxes. mao na ang maka cause sa conflicts or dissatisfaction esp among women.

like you sis, if being housebound makes you unhappy, i guess you should reconsider. how can you be the best mother and wife if you are unhappy? time to reconsider the limiting roles imposed by society.

[cindy]

^the problem is, housework is often not seen as having the same monetary value as a job outside. mahaulog nga free or volunteer work ba. tsk tsk. and then i associate pa jud as the wife's work.

the truth is, women are as capable as men but marital roles seem to put the genders in boxes. mao na ang maka cause sa conflicts or dissatisfaction esp among women.


yes ur ryt,but come to think of it if i choose to leave n work to be satisfied i dont think i can its because men dont often take care of their children than wife,it is very different when it is mothers touch.and in addition i cant leave my kids with my husband its because if ill be gone in just hours my house is a catastrophe already even theres yaya. thats why if u choose to quit wat u do best take the consequences of what u decide.i may be unhappy but i dont want also my kids will say wala man gyud c mama......i always hope that time will come that it is more stressful working as a household helper than working in a office ka sa office naa deadline pero sa balay walay deadline ang trabaho.sometimes i wish my husband will know the diference......i guess not.
like you sis, if being housebound makes you unhappy, i guess you should reconsider. how can you be the best mother and wife if you are unhappy? time to reconsider the limiting roles imposed by society.

[yoli]

Naa bayay uban nga bali. I know some married couples where the husband stays home and takes care of the kids and does most of the housework and the wife go out to work. I don't think their husbands are incapable of making money, just that they are more effective when it comes to kids, the feeding, the tantrums, etc. There are women nga dili kaayo tantong mo sukol ana (not that they don't love their kids) and would rather work. Depende na pud sa sabot nila. The women in this case should appreciate their husbands who stay at home; just as the man should appreciate his woman if she stays at home. I think both should do what they are good at, support and root for one another with willingness to sacrifices every now and then. That is the role they should assume. No matter what society dictates, ultimately it has to be the couple who decides. Whatever they decide they should keep in mind to be appreciative, considerate and grateful of one another. They should function as a team, a teammate doesn't neglect another teammate.

Bahin sa sweldo; I think men simply want their wives to be proud of them and wives themselves want to be proud of their husbands. My mom earns more than my dad and my dad has no complaints. The man loves his job and so does my mom. I think both sees something in the other that they are proud of and it's not their individual salary. Maybe that's how it should go.

[Velvett]

^tumpak

sakto jud ka sis. it's time that we don't put ourselves in "role boxes" that society hand to us. your parents are a good example of individuals defining marriage in their own terms, hence they are happy.

to the husbands out there, do you still think that you ought to 'bring home the bacon' and should be earning more than your wife?

[Galadriel]

as what has been said everything lies on what has been agreed mutually said or unsaid, as long as both parties are happy and everything is working out fine.

equality, this depends on how you look at it. i for one, love to cook for my family and i don't look at it as a chore or a burden. i am happy seeing them eat heartily, even though if we have a yaya who keeps the house for us, she only does the minor stuffs in the kitchen like chopping or peeling or washing, etc. i want to make sure that they are eating healthy and delicious well-prepared meals.

in raising the kids, we talk about what should be done and stand with our decision. if dad says "no", i say "no". if dad says "ask your mom", i talk to him and tell him about my decision before handing it out to our kids.

he earns more than i do, but that has never been an issue with us. i contribute what i can to help in paying our bills and other expenses.

[Velvett]

^that's an arrangement that works well for you as individuals and as a couple. mao nay importante, kanang malipayon mo sa inyung definition of marriage.

i would also say that that arrangement is one that society approves of. so in a way, there is no pressure, no raised eyebrows.

let's say nabali. a husband loves to cook and is actually good at it. he is the homebody type whereas the wife is the corporate 'guy' type so she earns the family's living. so she works and he takes care of the house. this arrangement works well for them kay they are open-minded. but im sure they would get some side comments from friends and family..and society in general. gender-role expectations are still very much alive.

[cindy]

yes if both parties agreed in terms of what they do best.they should acknowledge of thanks or when going home should say how was ur day honey? or what did you do? but mostly if you choose to be a corporate one it doesnt mean that your work is more pressure than staying at home. you know its much pressure doing household so i prefer of a dayoff also but as time goes by when you make a choice of staying at home or taking care of your kids is a little bit of tough. Much ado u are taken for granted.

if wife chooses to stay at home taking care of the family,husband cheats,lies or either go out have fun but all is accepted because he is a man and a father. but when women wants a career they will say she dont care of the family or family for her does not mean anything or kids dont respect her because she was not there for them although wife dont often go out because after work go home already but why she has to pay the mistake of a broken family and thus man chooses a women who just stay at home to where the women is likely to be a tip of his hand...
yes its true man does want power but women want power if a man dont have the courtesy of thanking her for the service she offers...