ACTUAL ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS RECORDED AND VERIFIED BY THE WORLD
FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL INSTITUTE OF ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS
1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if
you'll
leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as
we're finished.
2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is
why
we're not here. So, leave a message.
3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already
sent
the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you
are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough
money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a
female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now YOU say something.
5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so
you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you
leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!
8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his
refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your
message to myself with one of these magnets.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of
receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub,
and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through
their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're
still with me, leave your name and number and they will get
back to you.
10. This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic
thought-
recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your
number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about
returning your call.
11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't
like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you!!!!
12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right
now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call
you back.
13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning
our
weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we
probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.
14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used
by us.
15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the
phone right now, because we're doing something we really
enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it
left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when
we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.