miss tapya's practical lessons of life~ very funny!

[miss tapya]

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The Best Answers Pageant Questions and Answers

Host : Saan ang dream vacation mo?
Girl Contestant : Amangpulo.

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Host : What was the very first gift that you gave to your girlfriend?
Male Contestant : Uhmm...taptoy.
Host : What taptoy?
Male Contestant : Taptoy na teddy bird.

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Host : What's your ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Uhm, uhm, I am not sure....
Host : Hindi, kunwari ikaw, more or less.
Girl : Uhmm... more. (Crowd booing... ) Sige, Sige. Less, less....

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Host : If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to showcase the beauty of the Philippines?

Girl Contestant : Bocaue.
Host : Bocaue. Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Philippines? Why Bocaue?

Girl : Because it's a magnificent place.
Host : Which part of Bocaue?
Girl : The Bocaue Rice Terraces. (Banawe Kaya Yon!!)

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The contestant, presenting herself, talks into the mic and says, "Hi! I'm Cristine Reyes from Bagiuo...," and then she turns around, walks a little, goes back then yells at the top of her lungs! Then shouts, "CITYYYYYYYY!!!!"

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(From Little Miss Philippines)
Host : Anong gusto mo pag-laki mo?
Girl : Maging lalaki po!

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Host : Who's your favorite author?
Contestant : Danielle Steele
Host : Why Danielle Steele?
Contestant : Because, because...Danielle Steele, I like best.

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Host : How would you like me to address you?
Contestant : My address is Project 8, Quezon City.

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Host : What is your best feature?
Contestant : My graduation feature.

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Host : So tell us, why did join this contest?
Contestant : Me, join this contest, why did I. Thank you!

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Host : What do you want to be after you graduate?
Contestant : I want to be a successful Medicine.

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Host : Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube. Pero tinatawag itong boobtube. Ano ito?
Contestant : BRA!

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Host : What is you favorite motto?
Contestant : If others can't why, why can't I!

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Host : What would you like to say to foreigners?
Contestant : Please come back.

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(From gay beauty contest)
Host : What is the one thing that symbolizes happiness for you?
Gay contestant : (Stops, thinks and then smiles.) EGGPLANT PO!

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Host : What is your typical day?
Contestant : I think Saturday po!

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(From gay contest)
Host : Ano ang advantage mo sa ibang contestant?
Gay Contestant : I think and believe na bilang isang bading......ano nga po ulit yung question?

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Host : Which part of your body is your best asset?
Contestant : (Believe it or not she answered) Si Melanie Marquez po!

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Host : What is your favorite motto?
Contestant : (After a long pause) I don't have a motto eh. (So the crowd starts helping her out. The crowd starts saying "Time is gold! Time is gold!")

Contestant : I have na po. Chinese gold!

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Host : If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person, how would you do it?"

Contestant : That's a very good question. Keep it up. (Then the girl turns and walks away.)

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Host : So, you're vegetarian, what is your favorite vegetable?
Contestant : I like potatoes, tomatoes, beans and what's that? KALABASH?

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Host : What is your motto?
Contestant : Actor! (Everyone starts laughing.) Aay, actress pala.

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Host : Who is your favorite fictional character?
Girl : JOSE RIZAL! (Crowd starts laughing.)
Host : Who is your favorite hero then?
Girl : Hulk Hogan.

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Host : If you were to become a superhero, what would your power be?
Girl Contestant : Uhmm... a bumble bee!

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Host : What is your edge over the other contestants?
Girl Contestant : My edge.... 23 years old.

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Host : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Between 24 and 25!

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Host : How do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Girl : I'll be 28.

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Host : Describe your love one in three words.
Girl : Kahit nga po 1 word, kaya ko.
Host : OK, sige!
Girl : In one word, MY LIFE!

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Host : If you were given any special power, what would it be?
Girl : Power of Attorney!

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Host : So you like reading, who's your favorite author?
Girl : Uhmm, Shakespeare.
Host : What works of Shakespeare?
Girl : Hindi ko po alam eh.
Host : But he's your favorite.
Girl : Eh kasi patay na sya eh.

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Host : What is the biggest problem facing the youth today?
Girl : Drugs.
Host : Why?
Girl : Mahal eh!

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Host : What is the essence of being gay?
Contestant : I'm proud to be gay because what is naked is essential to the eye!

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Host : What makes you blush?
Girl : Blush on!

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Host : What is the essence of a man?
Gay Contestant : Testicles!

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Host : Hey, I heard you almost didn't make it, how did you get here? Did you ride or did you walk?

Gay Contestant : Of course, did you ride. What do you think of me, did you walk?

[Sovabon]

A nice one.

[Pure Cebuano]

sakit man sab atong bag-ang ug kinatawa ani sio...

[miss tapya]

Host: Ms Phils. wat is ur Stand on Premarital ***?
Ms. Phils: Ladies and Gentlemen, an English question deserves an english answer... I do Not Stand... I Lie Down... Thank you...

[babyku|it]

Host: Ms Phils. wat is ur Stand on Premarital ***?
Ms. Phils: Ladies and Gentlemen, an English question deserves an english answer... I do Not Stand... I Lie Down... Thank you...

very good!!

[Sovabon]

Miss taps, pag ka atot baya aning imong mga pakatawa! Some more...

[miss tapya]

Host: AH Miss Phils, can u define "VIOLENCE"?
Miss Phils: Thank you for the good question Mr Host....
Miss Phils: Violence is..... VIolence was...... violence are... violence were.......... hmnnn Pwede "GUITAR" nalang

------corny toiNK!


Host: Miss Contestant, If given a chance..what chance would it be
COntestant: Chance? ... hmn.. Why... Thank you!!!

[nHaRuToH_XXX]

Miss Misamis Occidental National High School,Oroquieta City
(True-to-Life nih guyz unya guapa pa gyud kaayo na chikz)..tsk..tsk..tsk..

Host:What's your favorite color?
Contestant:Fusha fink...
Host:Spell Fusha fink..
Contestant: AayyY....Red na lang...R I D..

[miss tapya]

I. Bago ang lahat, alamin muna ang tamang

dahilan ng pagsu-sucide.. Kung ang problema mo
ay dahil lang sa iniwan ka ng minamahal mo, di k
dapat magpatiwakal! Hello?! Ang mundo ay
tambak ng mga tao na pwede mong mahalin kya
di ka dpat mwalan ng pagasa.

II. Ngunit kung desidido ka na sa gagawin mo at
sa tingin mo ay meron kng tamang dahilan pra
gawin ito, ang sunod mong gagawin ay ang pagpili
ng paraan nito. Ang mga popular na paraan ay ang
pagbigti, paginom ng lason, paglaslas, pagbaril sa
sarili at pagpigil ng hininga.

(Note: 1. tandaan na maari k png mabuhay
pagnagkamali ka sa pagsasagawa ng mga
nabanggit, kaya pumili lamang ng isa na hiyang
sau.)

(Note: 2. Alalahaning dyahe kung pagtitinginan ng
mga tao ang mukha mo sa ataul na muka kng
dehydrated na langaw.)

III. Sumulat ng suicide note. Eto ang exciting! dito
mo pedeng sisihin lahat ng tao, at wla clang
magagawa! Sbhin mo na di mo gus2ng tapusin
ang iyong buhay kaso lng badtrip clang lahat! Pero
wag ding kalimutang humingi ng tawad sa bandang
huli pra mas cool.

(Note: Tandaan n importanteng gumawa ng suicide
note pra malaman ng tao n ngsuicide k at hndi na-
murder! Sa ganitong paraan maiiwasan ng
PNP ang pagkuha sa kalye ng kahit sinong
tambay pra gawing suspect.)

IV. Pumili ng themesong. Banggitin ang iyong
special request sa suicide note at ibilin na
patugtugin sa libing.

(Note: Iwasan ang mga kanta ng Salbakutah!
Jologs!! Dapat mejo mellow at meaningful.. para
gayahin ng iba!)

V . Isulat ng maayos ang suicide note. Print.
Iwasan ang bura. Lagdaan.

(Note: Ilagay ang suicide note sa lugar kung saan
madaling makita. Idikit sa noo!)

VI . Planuhin ang isusuot. Isang beses k lng
mamatay kaya dpat memorable ang get-up. Pumili
ng telang di umuurong o makati sa katawan.

VII . Magpareserve ng de-kalidad n kabaong.
Maganda ang kulay n puti, mukang komportable.
Huwag magtipid.

VIII . Pumili narin ng magandang pwesto sa
sementeryo. Pumili ng di masikip.

(Note: Kung ikw ay nabibilang sa Year of the rat,
Dragon, rabbit, tiger, beef or monster. Wag na
mamili ng lilibingan sapagkat ang mga nabibilang
sa taon n e2 ay dpat i-cremate at gawing foot
powder,, pra gumaan ang pasok ng pera sa mga
naiwan.)

IX. Itaon ang araw ng iyong pagsu-suicide sa ung
fav. no. sa calendar pra masaya!

X . Kung naplano mo na lhat-lhat, Magisip ng
mabuti at paulit-ulit! Isipin na ang gagawin mo ay
hndi kanais-nais at lubhang makasalanan!
Magisip.

[jeje]

XI. iwasan mag isip nang ganito dahil napakasarap mabuhay sa mundo......

lalo na kung nasa tabi mo si MISS TAPYA...HEHEHEHEH