First Cousin Relationship

[elvandesantos]

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^^^ bitaw. unsa man kuno beh

[Sand Man]

Unsa nga verse sa bible day thea?

^^^ bitaw. unsa man kuno beh

From her first post:

I had my relationship with my first cousin. We so much love each other, but i'm so confused right now if i should continue our relationship or not. he doesn't want to end our relationship either, and if so he prefer to have suicide. i don't want to end like that..i don't want to lose him either...i'm too much afraid if our family will know about it. i'm afraid of critics, and immoral judgements..but still i have this desire to fight for our love but has lack confidence to put action to it...i have researched all over the net about cousin relationships and found out that cousin marriages are not forbidden in the bible, infact the bible is supportive in it...from Leviticus 18..as for the birth defects, close relationships have an increase from 2% to 4% of birth defects compared to other relationships...it has slight difference and also there were many cousin couples who have normal and healthy children,it's just a matter of chance or percentage you have of having birth defects..i have increase hopes to continue our relationship no matter what it takes but still i'm having difficulty to overcome the fear in facing my family...i'm so confused right now...i need some thoughtful advice...i want to consider other people's advice...please visit these sites: Genetics Overview | Cousin Marriage Resourcesand Cousin marriage from a Christian perspective | Cousin Marriage Resources for further explanations about genetics and christianity facts about cousin relationships and give me some of your comments and opinions about it..tnx

This is the referenced resource site: Cousin marriage from a Christian perspective | Cousin Marriage Resources

[bastywarts]

OMG ive thought about this before..ako cousin na foreigner..but..NO NO jud..in the end,murag luod man jud..

let go nalang TS..

[dreadziero]

bad na TS ui makabaliw na

[ryoken]

we're still together right now... i don't know how to let go...hugot au sa ko dughan...labi na kabalo ko na dili sd cya ganahan...

[ryoken]

there's no wrong when it comes to love..It's not a sin when you love a person...Love can move a mountain, love conquers all...so how come it's a mistake? is it because of what is already stored in to your mind that it's wrong? is it because you only knew one side of the story? i respect your opinions, but we are given freewill by God, it's still our choice, our decision..i don't know, but, i can't let go...it tears me apart..i don't care if you criticize me for what i've chosen,,

[kenro]

That "fear" you are experiencing right now is probably something all cousin couples go through in the beginning. Getting passed that fear is what determines whether your love is strong enough, or if it ever even existed. You are letting "what ifs" beat you right now. If you love him as much as you say you do I suggest you use that love to let out the last bit of strength you posses. Yes, the "family issue" that inevitably faces us cousin couples is very tough. But think about it for a second... 10, 20, or 30+ years down the road you will be thinking about the love of your life and the "should've, would've, could've" thoughts will start tormenting you... You will tell yourself a million times that you "should've" been stronger to persue your happiness. You will say you "could've" had real happiness but you let it go. You will think about what "could've" happened if you and your cousin stayed together... And why will you have these thoughts? Because you let other people's feelings/wants/opinions put down what you really desired. Where will those "other people" be when you start having those thoughts? They will either be far away or dead (sorry but I'm being realistic).... So is all that worth losing the person you love? I don't think so...

Here's my advice... take your time and think about what you are doing... If you want to "break up" with your cousin so you can think about everything in your own space, I suggest you do it with yourself as your priority. I'm not saying you should be selfish and hurt everyone around you but I do advise you to put your happiness first. How does being happy hurt the people that love you? If they love you all they want is for you to be happy, don't you think?

Short story to see if it helps you a bit... Like most cousin couples, my cousin and I had a hard time in the beginning because of the "what will everybody say?" factor... My mother and grand parents were cool with it from the get go. But her mom and dad were NOT... Time passed and her parents got used to seeing her in love and happy. They finally accepted that their daughter's happiness is more important than the social stigma that exists against the type of relationship she chose. We've been a couple for 2 years now and our love is still growing despite the circumstances... We are in a long distance relationship... (it's tough but we're hanging in there) and we are finally moving in together in a few months. Moral of the story: being with the person you love may be difficult but it's definitely worth it!

I wish you the best, ryoken. I hope everything works out for you.... Good luck!

[kenro]

It shouldn't be a problem, but if you guys date and decide you want to get married, and are still worried about it, you can always get genetic counseling. Do a lot of birth defects run in your family? Usually a first cousin pregnancy has about a 4% chance of resulting in a birth defect. That's only 2% over the norm. The average strangers who get together have a 2% chance. It might even drop some if you come from a family with healthy genes,and if you love her, then love her! You only go around once you know.

[ryoken]

The key to those statistics is that they are just that... statistics. In some couples, the odds will be significantly higher (almost a guarantee that something will go wrong). This is true of cousin couples and unrelated couples.


I know one couple (not related to each other) that has a VERY hard time conceiving, an even harder time carrying to term, and the child they have is severely autistic. Since then, they have had no success carrying to term.


On the other hand, there are cousin couples whose genetic disposition is better than the statistical population at large. They could conceivably have 20 children with no serious "defect" at all (and indeed, some have done exactly that as recently as the late 19th century).


These numbers are intended to measure "risk" from a baseline. Some will be above it and some will be below it. People get stuck on the notion of "added" or "greater" risk. Some risk we can mitigate through education, medical technology, and good genetic testing and counseling. Some risk cannot be mitigated or even foreseen no matter what we do.


People who are so risk averse that they shudder at the thought of 1.7% added risk should not have children with ANYONE. They should also put all of their money into gold and hide it under the stairs because the banks might all fail and render paper money worthless (in fact, grain and chickens might be an even better investment).

[emow]

@ TS: just go with it... you're not looking for advice anyway, only affirmation... personally, i find nothing wrong with it....in some chinese families, they allow first cousin marriage with the following condition...the couple must not come families whose fathers are brothers...