How a Taxi Driver Became a Bank President? by Bo Sanchez

[smurky]

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Shape Your Outer World Before It Shapes You (by: bo sanchez)

How To Say NO Toxic People In Your Life.

(Note: This is Part 4 of the 8-Part Series, How To Get Rid Of Bad Habits Now!)

As a teen, I was part of a tiny Catholic youth group.

In that group, I was called “St. Francis” because I loved Lady Poverty, wore the crummiest shirts, the most horrid brown sandals, and prayed in the chapel the whole day. (Actually, I slept most of the time, but that’s just a secret between you and me.)

One of my friends was called “Brother Leo” because he imitated me, the way the real Brother Leo imitated his master, St. Francis.

If I prayed in a particular way—with my eyes closed, my hands clasped, my head bent down and tilted to the left—he’d pray in the same way.

If I wore an ugly shirt because of my love for poverty, he’d wear the same thing.

Because I was good-looking, he’d try to be good-looking. (Haha.)

One day, his family left for the US for good, and we lost touch…

Six years later, he returned for a visit. The old youth group was excited to have a little reunion. So we met up with “Brother Leo” again.

When I saw him at the reunion, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Nor could anyone in the room. Brother Leo was wearing a loud purple shirt with a gold band around his neck. And in thick slang, he greeted us, “Hey Dude!”

That wasn’t so bad.

While all of us were picking up our jaws from the floor, he said, “Let’s go out and look for a real parteeeh. Let’s look for some chicks! Man, I love girls!”

The transformation was unbelievable.

Where was the prayerful, quiet, humble, pure guy that we knew?

Here’s what I learned from life: We need to deliberately shape our outer world before it shapes us.

What Are The Two Most Powerful Forces

That Shape Your Life?

It was Charlie “Tremendous” Jones who said that You will be in five years the sum total of the books you read and the people you are around.

I believe the two most powerful forces that shape our life are our relationships and our media. I repeat: If you know that your outer world shapes you, make a decision now to shape your outer world. Because you can!

Here’s a story of someone who didn’t use this power…

The Story Of A Wise King

That Wasn’t So Wise After All

The Guinness Book of World Records says that no one beats King Solomon when it comes to wives. The guy had 700 wives with 300 concubines.

Believe me, I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes on Valentines Day. The chaos! While walking around his palace, he’d say to one, “I love you Leah,”; And to another, “I love you Rachael,”; And to another still, “I love you… uh, Melissa or Melanie?”

Here’s what the Bible says: King Solomon loved many foreign women… They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. (How many of you know that just because you’re romantically in love with someone DOESN’T mean that you’re supposed to be with that person?) As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God…[1]

The wisest man on Earth didn’t choose his relationships well.

If you don’t want to commit his mistake, let me share with you 3 powerful steps to create your outer world.

The 3 Powerful Steps To Re-Create

Your Outer World

I guarantee you. If you do these 3 steps, you’ll not only be free from enslaving habits, you’ll actually grow yourself and fulfil your greatest dreams.

Step #1: Say No to Toxic People

Step #2: Say Yes to Terrific People

Step #3: Control Your Media

Let me explain these steps one by one…







To All Those Who Want To Experience God’s Power In Their Lives…

“You Have The Power!”

Bo Sanchez’ Kerygma Conference 2007

November 23, 24, and 25, 2007

ULTRA, Pasig City

3 Days of God’s Power! Yes, Youwill be revived, refreshed, and restored like never before. You’ll have Bo Sanchez and the most powerful lay preachers in the country speak God’s Word and nourish your soul. Plus, a Healing Mass by Fr. Jerry Orbos and Fr. Joey Faller to pray for your healing. That’s three fantastic days of abundant, rich, and immeasurable blessing for your life. For more information, click here. Standard tickets for this mega-event cost P1,200.00 per person but if you meet certain conditions, you can get it at P500 only for the entire 3-Day Power event. To know if you qualify for this special price, call Tel. (632) 7259999 now. Don’t delay!



Step #1:

Say No to Toxic People


There are many types of Toxic Persons, but let me focus on 6 types that you should avoid:

Toxic Person #1: Those who encourage your addiction

Toxic Person #2: Those who constantly hurt you

Toxic Person #3: Those who control you through force

Toxic Person #4: Those who control you through manipulation

Toxic Person #5: Those who pass their responsibilities to you

Toxic Person #6: Those who whine about life and invalidate you


Do you have Toxic People in your life? God says, Blessed is the man that walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful.[2]

Let’s heed those wise words!

Let’s find out if you have Toxic People in your life…



Toxic Person #1:

Those Who Encourage Your Addiction

You know this story very well because it happens too often.

My friend “Jim” was a drug addict. He entered a rehab for a year. In that entire year, Jim didn’t touch the drug. He went back home a new man.

Not a few days after, an old friend who used to take drugs with Jim visited him at home and offered him shabu. Jim said no, “I don’t take that anymore.” But as the days progressed, he kept on meeting his old friends. After only three months, Jim snorted shabu again—and his addiction was more severe than before.

Question: What caused his downfall?

Answer: He shaped his inner world, but he didn’t shape his outer world.

He needed a new set of friends. He needed a new itinerary. He also needed new hobbies, new music, new activities…

It’s pretty obvious. If you’re an alcoholic, stop hanging out with friends who drink. Hang out with new friends who don’t. If you’re a gambler, cut friendships with other gamblers. Hang out with people who don’t gamble. And so on.

Many people don’t use their power to choose their friends. They just accept the people who call up, visit, and appear on their doorstep.

Big mistake. Don’t do that. Jesus says If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.[3]

Go out and choose the kind of people you like to become. (More on this later.)

Toxic Person #2:

Those Who Constantly Hurt You

Do you avoid danger?

If you see a rabid Doberman, foaming in the mouth, sharp fangs exposed, racing towards you at top speed, would you run away as fast as Flash? Or would you stand there with a smile, stretch out your hand and say, “Here kitty, kitty…”

I bet you’d run faster than you ever did in your entire life.

Unless you have a death wish.

The Wise Book says a prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple (foolish) keep going and suffer for it.[4]

Here’s a sad fact. After my years of counselling hordes of people, I’ve realized many have a death wish when it comes to choosing their boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, business partners, spiritual leaders, organizations, and friends.

Because they choose abusers.

They get physically abused. Verbally abused. Emotionally abused. Spiritually abused.

And after an abusive relationship breaks up, they jump into another abusive relationship. Insane, I tell you. But after 27 years in ministry, it’s more common than you think.

I have only one explanation for this crazy phenomenon: Victims like being victims. Why? Perhaps because they want to pay for their sins. Or perhaps they feel they deserve the punishment. Or perhaps they feel superior to the abuser. Or perhaps that’s how they get the empathy from other people.

But this is sick.

Let me shout this to the rooftops: Get rid of all abusers in you life!

Don’t Just Stand There—Do Something!

If your spouse is an abuser, get away as far as possible from him or her. I’m not saying get a divorce right away. But don’t live in the same house with an abuser until the person gets help and gets healed.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend is an abuser, what are you doing still sticking with that person? You should have left the first time abuse took place.

If your organization, fraternity, club, prayer group, or church demeans you, manipulates you, drains you, abuses you—why are you still there? Look for a group that blesses you and nourishes you.

If your business partner steals from you, cheats on you, or disrespects you—get out, sell out, and find another business partner.

Remember: When you’re with an abuser, you create more inner pain, and inner pain can produce more hidden addictions.

Jesus says, Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.[5] You are sacred. You are the pearls. So don’t throw yourself to dogs and pigs.

Some people however may not be obviously abusers, but they abuse you in a less obvious way…



Note: If you missed the BOTOKS concert last year, here’s your chance to catch it again…

Bo Sanchez’ BOTOKS Inspirational Concert

September 29, 2007, 8pm

Shrine of the Mary Help of Christians, Better Living Paraňaque

Join an Inspirational Comedy Concert with Bo Sanchez himself, plus power performances by the Kerygma Preachers: Arun Gogna, Alvin Barcelona, Obet Cabrillas, Jon Escoto, Adrian Panganiban, and Rissa Singson Kawpeng. Tickets sold at P1,000; P700; and P300; For reservations please call Noel Gayas at (632) 8239546 or 09282109765 / 09154493600. Note: We don’t know if we’ll stage this concert again. Better watch it now before it’s too late.




Toxic Person #3:

Those Who Control You Through Force

There are people who control you through subtle aggression. They intimidate you. They’re bigger. They’re louder. They’re scary. They’re bullies in nice clothes.

The Controller could be your husband. Or your grandmother. Or your friend. Or your boss.

Let me tell you a story I read recently…

One day, a young guy was walking on a dark street. Suddenly, out of an Acacia tree, an old man wrapped in a black robe appeared. His eyes were fierce, his face pale, his beard unkempt. He pushed a black book towards the young man and ordered, “You need to read this book! Buy it for P700.”

The young man was shocked and mumbled, “I don’t have P700…”

But the elderly man spoke with a louder voice, “You need to read this book! Give me P700.” So with shaking hands, the lad fumbled with his wallet and handed P700 to him. The mysterious man placed the black book in the chap’s hand and said, “Whatever you do, never look at the last page. Or you will regret it.” He then walked towards the field behind them and suddenly disappeared!

The young man went home, shaken to the core. In the evening, he started reading the book. It was all about ghosts and werewolves and vampires! After awhile, he grew tired, closed the book and went to bed.

But he couldn’t sleep. Tossing and turning, the young man could only think of one thing: What was on the last page of the book? What will I regret seeing there?

Finally, he couldn’t take the suspense any longer. With every ounce of courage he could muster, he grabbed the black book. With trembling fingers, he opened it to the last page…

And when he saw it, at once, waves of regret filled him!

The last page was empty.

Except for a small note that said, “P49.50, National Bookstore.”

Friend, never get intimidated to do what you don’t want to do.

Because often, you’ll get robbed.

Toxic Person #4:

Those Who Control You Through Manipulation

There is another kind of Controller that doesn’t do it through aggression but through manipulation. In an even more subtle way, they will control you.

My example is Delilah, the girlfriend of Samson.

The Bible says Samson loved Delilah. But it doesn’t say that Delilah loved Samson. Instead, Delilah used Samson. Delilah needed Samson. (When will we realize that need is different from love?) As you read the story, you realize that Delilah never loved Samson at all.

Remember, “Controllers” are “Users”, and Delilah was a Controller. (Do you know of any “Users” in your life?)

One day, Delilah was approached by her Philistine leaders. They wanted to capture Samson but couldn’t because of his magical strength. So they offered her 1,100 Shekels from each of them if she could discover the secret of his supernatural strength.

So she went to Samson and asked, “How can anyone capture you?”

First, he lied. Samson said, “If you tie me with brand new ropes, I’ll be as weak as any man.” And while he slept, Delilah tied him up with brand new ropes and called the soldiers of the Philistine leaders to capture him. But like snapping thread, Samson broke free from the ropes and chased after the men.

Wasn’t that enough proof for Delilah’s deception?

If I were Samson, I would simply have said to her, “Delilah, you’re a snake. You don’t love me. This relationship is over. Get out of my life!”

But Samson didn’t do it. He tolerated her. And so Delilah sat on the lap of Samson and with a pout and a hurt look, she said, “You don’t love me, Samson…” (Her finger probably toying with his hair.)

“But I do!” Samson said defensively.

“No, you don’t,” she purred, “You lied to me. You haven’t told me the secret of your strength.” (Controllers like turning the table and pointing your mistakes, while hiding their glaring mistakes.)

Finally, out of exasperation, Samson says, “Okay, okay! Cut my hair and I’ll be as weak as any man.”[6] And while he slept, Delilah cut his hair. We know the end of the story. Samson was captured, his eyes gouged out, and he was imprisoned until he died while pushing two pillars.

Because Samson loved Delilah, he was desperate to believe in the lie that she also loved him. But she didn’t.

Who are the Delilahs in your life?

Here’s the truth: Samson may have been romantically attracted to Delilah, but he really didn’t love her. If he really loved her, he would have told her off and shooed her away. That was the kind of love she needed.

Toxic Person #5:

Those Who Pass Their Responsibilities To You

One day, a woman was chatting with her neighbor.

“I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five hundred Peso bill to a bum.”

“Wow, you gave a bum five hundred Pesos?” her neighbor asked, “My gosh, that’s a lot of money. What did your husband say about it?”

“Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do,” she said, “my husband said, ‘Thanks.’”

Many people are just like that woman. They have bums in their lives, and these bums are friends and family.

In other words, they are hosts to parasites.

Remember: In biology, parasites can’t exist without a host. So the reason there are parasites is because there are people who like to play the role of host.

Are you a host to a human parasite? Someone who depends on you for money? Or for housing? Or for your service?

The human parasite isn’t a quadriplegic lying down in bed with a feeding tube stuck to his throat. The parasite is an otherwise healthy human being that simply wants you to be responsible for his life, period. He doesn’t want to take responsibility for his own life. He looks to you for his sole salvation. If you don’t help him, he’ll die.

Deep inside, you feel used. You really want to say “No more!” but you can’t because you feel guilty. In the process, you have lost your boundaries. When you do, there is so much inner pain within, and you escape through your hidden addictions.

Bad news: You think you’re doing good, but you really aren’t.

There’s A Difference Between

Feeling Good And Doing Good



Giving to a parasite makes you feel good.

But that doesn’t make it good. (Yep, there’s a difference.)

It assuages your guilt. But in fact, you’re causing more harm than good. You’re really a thief. You’re stealing their self-worth. More than that, when you take away the bad consequences of their irresponsibility through your constant rescuing, you take away the fuel that would have forced them to change.

Some justify helping a parasite by quoting Galatians 6:2 when St. Paul says, “Carry each other burdens…” But 3 verses later, St. Paul also says, “Each one should carry his own load.” That means if a parasite asks for your help, the best way to help him is to say ‘No’.

I give a lot. Dole outs are fine when there’s a real emergency. But I stop giving when his daily life becomes an emergency. Because most of my giving is focused on teaching people how to fish, not just giving fish. I give when I know the person will learn how to stand on his own two feet one day.

Finally, there’s a last type of Toxic Person you need to avoid…

Toxic Person #6:

Those Who Whine About Life and Invalidate You

There are people who are constantly negative—and they suck your energy dry. Believe me, after talking with them, you feel as though the sky is darker, the world is uglier, and life is more miserable than ever.

Whiners complain about everything. The heat. The cold. The boss. The money. The government. On and on and on. It never stops.

Whiners are bad, but invalidators are worse. Invalidators are whiners too, but instead of just criticizing the world, they specialize in criticizing you. When you mention a plan, a dream, or an original idea, you’ll hear an invalidator say, “You? Do that?” He’ll roll up his eyes, shake his head, and smirk. These pompous know-it-alls believe they know you and your future more than God. Before an invalidator, you’ll always remain small. Size up the invalidator’s “friends”, and you’ll discover other “small” people who bow down to his majesty.

Whiners will steal away your joy. Invalidators will steal away your dreams. If you don’t watch out, they’ll infect you with their virus and you’ll become a professional cynic like them.

Whiners and invalidators are losers. If your friends are losers, get a new set of friends. I’m not saying that you dump them. God wants you to love them. But you don’t have to hangout with them. Instead, hangout with people who respect you. And people who inspire you. And people who put their energies to build up rather than destroy. And people of life and beauty and love.

By The Way, Are You The Toxic Person?

Avoiding toxic people is difficult.

Avoiding being the toxic person is even more difficult.

What if you’re the abuser, or controller, or manipulator, or parasite, or whiner, or invalidator?

Ask people close by for their honest feedback.

If they say, “Yes,” own up to your behavior, quick. And get to work!

(What you’ll do is beyond the scope of this article, but I hope to discuss that another time.)

Step #2:

Say Yes to Terrific People

[smurky]

(continuation)

Say YES to a Terrific Person!!

What is shaping you now?

The Good Book says, Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.[7] If you’re with terrific people, then these terrific people are sharpening you….

Terrific Person #1: Those Who Nourish You Emotionally

Terrific Person #2: Those Who Nourish You Spiritually

Terrific Person #3: Those Who Nourish You Intellectually

Terrific Person #4: Spend Time With God, Who Else?



How To Be Truly Rich Seminar by Bo Sanchez




Bo is giving the mind-blowing, income-expanding How To Be Truly Rich Seminar on November 3, 2007, in Quezon City. For more information, click here. You may also call Beckie at Tel. (02) 7229562. It’s not too late to get out of debt, start investing, and gain financial freedom for your life. Call now Beckie at Tel. (02) 7229562.




Terrific Person #1:

Those Who Nourish You Emotionally

There are really only two types of great people in this world.

The first type of great person: After talking to him, you walk out impressed at how great that person is. You are dwarfed by his greatness.

Here’s the second type of great person: After talking to him, you walk out impressed at how great you are. You walk out a giant yourself—as big or even bigger than that great person.

Hang out with the second type of great person.

Hang out with people who make you feel important, respected, and worthy.

One of my mentors has a powerful way of making me feel important.

He’s a true blue, genuine Billionaire. But he treats me like I was more important than he is. It’s the small things that he does that make me leave his presence believing I’m special. The way he listens to me. The way he respects my opinion. The way he doesn’t laugh at my silly questions. Even common sense courtesy and respect. For example, after our meeting in his office, he’ll walk with me to my car. He won’t leave me until he knows I’m in my car and ready to go. Small things that tell me I’m a great man.

Look for people like that.

Terrific Person #2:

Those Who Nourish You Spiritually


You’re a soul with a temporary earthly existence.

Thus, your most important need is to be spiritually nourished.

That’s why I preach at the FEAST every Sunday. (Join us at Ballroom at Valle Verde Country Club, beside ULTRA, every 7:30am or 10:00am, whichever you prefer.) I believe that many people are spiritually malnourished and they need God’s Word in their lives.

But more than knowledge, a spiritual leader should feed you with God’s love.

How? By his own love for you.

He doesn’t teach you because of pride. He teaches you because of love.

That’s where I want to grow—and boy do I have a long way to go.

When a spiritual leader believes he’s better, holier, and more righteous than anyone else in church, be wary. A good spiritual leader knows his faults and acknowledges them before everyone.

Look for your source of regularly spiritual nourishment.

Terrific Person #3:

Those Who Nourish You Intellectually

Do you have dreams?

Who are the people in the world that have already fulfilled your dream?

Hang out with them—and pick their brains.

Listen to their talks. Read their books. Attend their seminars.

There are two kinds of teachers. The first kind of teacher has a lot of book knowledge and nothing else. The second type of teacher has experiential knowledge, with mud on her shoes, blisters on her hands, and scars in her heart. She’s someone who teaches from her battlefield experience. Look for the second type of teacher.

For example, if I want to grow my organization, Light of Jesus, to the next level, I had to search for the second type of teacher: Those who actually built huge organizations.

So one day, I visited Bro. Mike Velarde of El Shaddai to learn from him. Bro. Mike and I may have different styles and beliefs (and different fashion tastes too), but as an organizer, no one can match his ability to gather one million people in Luneta. Bro. Mike has been so kind and gracious to me, sharing his vast experience. You may not like his red barong, but if you can build an organization as big as El Shaddai (probably 8 million members),I guess you can wear any kind of barong you want.

And would you believe? I’m also learning church-building strategies from Pastor Apollo Quiboloy, now heading 3-million members in only 22 short years. I don’t agree with his theology. When we’re together, my Bishop friends and I debate with him about his doctrines. (We regularly meet because we’re all members of the Presidential Council for Values Formation under Malacanang, working for the country.) But that doesn’t stop me from admiring Pastor Apollo’s excellent leadership skills. So when we meet, aside from theological debate, I sit down with him and learn his church-building strategies. Pastor Apollo has been very gracious to me too, and I’ve learned a lot in the area of church growth.

I also have financial mentors who are millionaires and billionaires.

I have family mentors who have great marriages and are fantastic parents.

I have spiritual mentors who live with profound love and holiness and inspire me to do the same.

Go and get terrific people in your life.

Don’t Get Derailed When Your

Old Friends Become Jealous

I’ve expanded my inner circle of friends.

Sometimes, my old inner circle becomes jealous. They say in Taglish, “Bo, others ka na.” They say that I have replaced them.

No, I have not. I’ve not replaced my inner circle, I’ve just expanded it.

My inner circle now includes leaders, preachers, businessmen, real estate investors, bishops, computer gurus, marketing experts, educators, authors, etc.

In fact, if you want to keep on growing, you’ve got to keep growing your inner circle of friends. There’s no other way.

One last thing: Check the net-worth of the people you hangout with. Most likely, you’ll mirror each other’s average income. If you want an increase in your income, hangout with people who earn, save, invest, and give more than you do. Learn from them! (Let me pitch my seminar this November 3, 2007, How to Be Truly Rich Seminar. For more details, call Beckie at Tel. (632) 7229562. Learn how to be financially free! I urge you call now before you run out of seats—because we always have to reject applicants for lack of space.)

Terrific Person #4:

Spend Time With God, Who Else?

Need I say more?

Jesus was committed to daily prayer: And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he (Jesus) went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed.[8]

But here’s the problem: Many people don’t worship God, but a caricature of God.

If you really examine their God, He’s cruel, legalistic, insecure, and tyrannical.

We need to change our image of God, because we become exactly like the God we worship. In the end, we too will become cruel, legalistic, insecure, and tyrannical. (Have you ever wondered why many religious people are poor reflections of the love of God? This is the reason.)

We’ll discuss more of this in another article very soon.

Step #3:

Control Your Media

Remember the two powerful forces that shape your life.

First are relationships.

Second is media.

Like relationships, say “No” to toxic media and say “Yes” to terrific media.

When it comes to media, remember one very important thing: You have very limited time. Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, has exactly the same amount of hours a beggar has. When it comes to time, we’re all equal.

So if you watch dumb, useless, mindless, inane TV shows like those broadcasted today, you’re throwing away precious time—and money. Time that you should have used for more inspiring media.

People wonder why there’s no growth in their life.

One probable answer: Because they waste so much time in front of the TV set. Noonday shows. Showbiz gossip. Telenovelas.

I urge you to read inspiring books instead. Or watch great movies. Or listen to terrific talks. If you want to grow, control your media.

Conclusion:

Are You The Good Samaritan?

I know.

The most controversial part in this article is saying “No” to Toxic People.

But let me insist that one of the reasons why we have hidden addictions is because we’re escaping from the inner pain of having no personal boundaries. We keep on saying yes to toxic people, we’re actually losing control of our lives. This lost of control is maddening and subconsciously drives us to where we seemingly feel have control—our hidden addiction. When we drink, or smoke, or lust, or shop constantly, or eat compulsively, or become religiously addicted, we feel some semblance of control. (Obviously, it’s fake. We really have no control over this area as well.)

Friend, you need to set boundaries. Or the world will conquer you.

If you grew up listening to sermons about the Good Samaritan[9] in Church , you were trained to help people and feel guilty when you don’t.

Remember the story? A guy was robbed and left dying on the road. A Priest and a Teacher of the Law passed by and didn’t bother to stop. The Samaritan however stopped, bandaged his wounds, took him in an inn, and paid for all his expenses.

Wow, what a loving man.

But we usually take for granted a very important part of that story: After helping the wounded man, the Good Samaritan actually left him with the inn keeper because he had to take care of his own business! He didn’t forget his own life! How could he keep on helping if he doesn’t keep earning from his business?

Here’s another lesson: The Good Samaritan also asked help from others–the innkeeper. Because you don’t help alone. You’re not superman.

Friend, be the Good Samaritan.

Because the Good Samaritan didn’t love others only.

He also loved himself.

My friend, if you want to create a new inner world, you need to create a new outer world. Jesus said, And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; if he does, the wine will burst the skins, and the wine is lost, and so are the skins; but new wine is for fresh skins.


God is giving you new wine for your life.

Make new wineskins!

[smurky]

Discover What You Really Need (by: bo sanchez)

Do you have a hidden addiction that is stealing your life away?



Have you heard of the great Houdini?

As a young boy, I loved reading about him. Houdini was probably the most famous escape artist in the world. I’m not sure if the story I’m about to tell you is part legend and part history, but I find it utterly fascinating.

Houdini boasted he could escape any jail cell in less than an hour. One day, a small town in the British Isles built a new jail cell and they were proud of it. “Come give us a try,” they said to Houdini, and he agreed.

He walked into the prison cell bristling with confidence. After all, he had done this hundreds of times before.

Once the jail cell was closed, Houdini took off his coat and went to work. From his belt, he got a flexible but tough ten-inch piece of steel. He knelt in front of the door and started working on the lock.

At the end of 30 minutes, his confident expression had disappeared.

At the end of an hour, he was drenched with perspiration.

After two hours and totally exhausted, Houdini literally collapsed against the door. And the force of his weight was enough to push the door open!

Because in reality, the door had never been locked.

It was locked only in one place: In his own mind.

This meant only one thing. It was firmly locked.

Because whatever your mind says is locked—is locked.

Even if it isn’t.


You Can Be Free!


Friend, you can get rid of your bad habits.

You can be free from your addictions.

The Bible says, you have been called to live in freedom.[1]

I should know. I’m a recovering *** addict—jailed in compulsive pornography and sexual fantasies for years. Yes, even as I was serving God and preaching. Like Houdini, I tinkered with the “lock” of my jail cell and lost hope because I couldn’t unlock the door. (For my full story, read my book, Your Past Does Not Define Your Future. You can get it at Shepherds Voice Publications, Inc., Bringing You Closer to God I’m making an audio book and E-book of this same book very soon.)

One day, I had a powerful realization. I discovered that the door wasn’t locked—except in my mind. I realized that at any time, I could push hard and the door would swing open—and I could simply walk out. And stay out!

And that’s what I did.

My friend, you can get rid of your addictions.

Here’s the truth: 70% of people get rid of their own addictions on their own. You see, there is no ONE singular way to get out of an addiction. There are many ways to get rid of your destructive bad habits. (We will examine all these ways in awhile.)

But before I explain them, let me answer a very important question.


What Is An Addiction Anyway?


I try to avoid technical words (my brain freezes up), so let me share with you my simple definition of an addiction. It’s any action that (1) you do repeatedly, (2) can’t stop doing, and (3) that’s harmful to your life.

Let me tell you a story my golfing friends like to tell. They say golfers love their golf more than anything else in the world…

One day, two guys were playing golf on a sunny day. In the distance, they saw a funeral car pass by—with a train of cars following it.

One of the golfers stops playing. He bows his head for a moment of silence.

The other golfer was very impressed. He said to his golfing partner, “Wow, I didn’t know you’re religious.”

“Not really,” said the other golfer, resuming his putting. “After all, I was married to that woman for 28 years.”

There’s nothing wrong with golf. It’s a healthy sport. But that widower was clearly addicted to it.

All of us agree that alcoholism, drug addiction, and compulsive gambling are serious forms of addictions. But I’m sure that most of us reading this article don’t have these more obvious addictions. But what about hidden addictions? They too destroy our life and the lives of our loved ones…


Do You Have A Hidden Addiction?


Here’s a list of common hidden addictions that harm us…


· “I eat compulsively”

This is the Number One way we try to feel better. I know of someone who eats at the slightest discomfort of life. If she’s angry, she eats. If she’s depressed, she eats. If she’s anxious, she eats. The truth however is that she isn’t really hungry for food. She is hungry for something else. Unless she sees this, she will continue snacking and pigging out, endangering her health.


· “I eat too much sweets, ice cream, chocolates”

I listed this separately just to impress upon you that chocolates is the Number One “Quick Fix” that people crave for when they are going through painful emotions. When a choco-addict feels hurt, or sad, or angry, or worried, she’ll spontaneously reach for her stash of choco bars. She has them on her desk, in the Ref, on her bedside table, and in her bag—for those “just in case” emergencies. Again, there’s nothing wrong with sweets. (I love dark chocolate and ice cream.) But in excess, it’s harmful. More importantly, you won’t address the real, deep hunger inside you if you keep popping candies in our mouth.


· “I go yo-yo dieting”

A few years ago, my friends were crazy about the “After Six” diet. And then, “Atkins” took over the dieting crowd. Soon, “No Carb!” became the battle cry of millions of women. After that, “South Beach” conquered the world by storm. (My friend says that he’s into the “North Park” diet. For a moment, I thought he was serious, until I realized that his favorite Chinese restaurant was named North Park.)

Personally, I don’t believe in quick diets. I believe in changing one’s eating habits permanently. I believe in changing one’s lifestyle forever—not just for 10 days or 30 days or 3 months. That means eating right and exercise.

By the way, the thin-like-a-broomstick super models found in Fashion magazines comprise only 3% of the world’s population. So I presume 97% of those reading this article have a body structure that resembles clunky vacuum cleaners rather than broomsticks. And it’s okay! You see, the goal is not to look like these super models and weigh less. The goal is to love your body (no matter what body structure you have) and be healthy inside and out. If you don’t watch it, dieting can be an addiction, and its severe form is the next item I’ll discuss.


· “I starve myself”

I met a young girl who was exceedingly thin. She was so thin, she could stand sideways and be invisible. Yet when I talked to her, she told me, “Uncle Bo, I’m so fat!” She grabs her reed-like arm, touches non-existent fat, and says, “See?” This young woman has Anorexia Nervosa. Starving herself (to death) is the only way she can control her seemingly uncontrollable life. Bulimia on the other hand is when a person gorges himself with food and vomits it all out. I know of others who are addicted to dieting pills and are harming their bodies.


· “I shop too much and have buying binges”

Lots and lots of women shop to feel better. They feel happy, beautiful, and alive when they buy a new shoe, a new stocking, a new blouse, a new perfume, a new watch… But if this is done repetitively and excessively, it’s a destructive habit. Do you want to know if you’re a shopaholic? Check your house. Is it full of stuff that you don’t use? Count how many shoes you have. Do you have 30 pairs that you haven’t used in a year? Do you have as many bags that you also haven’t used in a year? Many people are drowning in debt because they can’t control their shopping. In reality, deep within, a shopaholic isn’t looking for “something”. There’s an emptiness that can’t be filled up by a dress, a scarf, a bracelet, or a new pair of high heels. Ultimately, they’re looking for something they can’t buy.


· “I compulsively smoke”

Today, I see a lot of young people sitting in Coffee Shops—but instead of sitting inside where there’s air-conditioning, they sit outside under the sweltering heat of the Philippine sun—because they want to smoke. Isn’t that absurd? Today, I also see young people standing outside their offices during their breaks—again underneath the hot sun and breathing in the pollution of our smoke-belching buses—because they want to smoke. I tell you, it’s illogical. But like the golfer in my story above, addicts don’t think logically anymore. Nicotine is one of the most addictive substances in the world today. It’s a chemical that gets into your brain and at the first inhale, fights fatigue, suppresses appetite, and lifts your mood. It’s been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that smoking can cause lung cancer, painful emphysema, bad breath, ugly teeth, dark lips, but to a smoker, who cares?


· “I get angry, yell too often, and throw temper tantrums”

For a rage-aholic, anger is his all-around tool. He uses it for every situation. It’s the only tool he knows how to use. When he’s afraid, he gets angry. When he’s worried, he gets angry. When he’s sad, he gets angry.

I compare anger to a hammer. Using anger for everything is as silly as using the hammer for sewing a shirt, drawing water, healing a wound, and cooking food. It simply won’t work. If you need to sew a shirt, you need a needle, not a hammer. If you need to draw water, you need a pail, not a hammer.

Because of this, anger-addicts are ineffective parents, spouses, friends, and business partners. Some of them argue too much, pick petty fights, and leave a trail of broken relationships. Others are more quiet and demure outside their homes because they bottle up their anger with their friends and in their workplace, but unleash their toxic anger on their kids.


· “I complain a lot”

It’s a silly bad habit. (But come to think of it, what bad habits aren’t silly?) You fill the room with your negativity. More importantly, you fill your life with negativity. And it attracts more of it, so you multiply the stuff you can complain about. Believe me, no one would like to be with a complainer except fellow complainers.


· “I worry too much”

God gave us the ability to panic for emergency situations where we need to act quickly. But for a worry-addict, almost every situation is an emergency situation. So throughout the day, she’s in constant panic mode. If the anger-addict person uses the hammer for everything, the worry-addict uses a needle for everything. She “needles” every situation, looking for what may go wrong, always imagining how everything will go wrong. And because our fears are powerful, we end up creating the imaginary monsters into existence.


· “I drink too much coffee (or cola).”

I know a human being (yes, he’s a human being) who drinks 10 cups of coffee every single day. My other friend drinks 6 cans of diet cola every single day. Because it’s diet, she argues that it’s no longer bad for her. I told her that because she’s drinking too much artificial sweeteners, she may end up with artificial diabetes. I was kidding, but I still think it’s not a wise thing to do.


· “I sleep too much”

Naps are great for your health. But you know, sleep has become an addiction. Usually, too much sleep is a sign of depression or being overwhelmed by our problems. These people don’t want to wake up in the morning. And during the day, they want to crawl back in bed, under their covers, shielding themselves from the seemingly hostile world around them.


· “I watch too much TV”

Telenovelas should be watched in moderation. But the problem is that Telenovelas are designed to be addicting. They always end with great cliff-hangers: The child will finally know who his real father is, or the young woman will now find out if she’s pregnant or not, or the man will finally meet the man who killed his mother 20 years ago…

Studies suggest that if you sit down in front of the TV set for 3 hours each day instead of spending time with your spouse or your kids or other endeavors, there is a probability that one is addicted. (I’m talking of normal, active people who have jobs, families, etc., not aged, bedridden, or sick people.) Another sign that you may be addicted is if you have a fantasy relationship with some stars you watch on TV. This is normal for kids, but not very normal for adults.


· “I clean the house compulsively”

I know a mother who cleans her house the way nuns clean their convents, except that she does the work of 15 nuns all by herself.

When I visited her home, I discovered everything was polished, sparkling, and perfectly clean. I wondered if germs thought twice of stepping on her floor because it was too clean.

She’d spend the entire day scrubbing floors, washing curtains, dusting furniture, and picking up after her kids.

Everything was in order. Even the kids had to be clean and pretty all day. (I pitied the kids.) Why was she like this? Because if the house wasn’t perfect, she felt people will talk against her. Bottom line, she was a very insecure person. In reality, I felt that she wanted to clean something inside her, but couldn’t, so she just went about cleaning her house instead.


· “I compulsively lust”

One day, a young father of two kids confessed to me that he watches 2 to 3 hours of internet porn a day. He says he has to wake up at 1am, while his wife was sleeping, to watch his pornography. “I hate it, Bo. I hate what it’s doing to me. I wake up groggy the next day and curse myself for doing it. But I can’t seem to stop…” I told him, “I know exactly what you feel. I experienced that too, except that back in my day, we had no internet. I would wake up at 1am to open my porn magazines. If I had none, I would walk out on the streets and search for them.” But I told him that I got out of it, and so can he. Anyone can. This is the reason for this 8-Part series of articles.


· “I work too hard”

Working hard is good. But when your family and your health suffer, you automatically know that it’s an addiction. The problem with workaholism is that it’s rewarded. People pat us on the back and tell us that we’re dedicated, loyal, and industrious. We get bonuses. We get promoted.

Let me tell you a very sad story. There was one popular Christian leader who travelled the world expanding his ministry for the poor. One day, his wife called him up and said, “Come home immediately. Your daughter committed suicide.” Thankfully, it was a failed attempt. But instead of going home that day, he instead went to Vietnam to continue his ministry work. A few years later, that daughter committed suicide again—and succeeded. This Christian leader died years later, fired by his own ministry leaders, estranged from his wife and children. His mistake was that he was addicted to his work.


· There are many other hidden addictions.

Compulsive gossip. Phone calls every hour of the day. Daily trips to the beauty parlor. Even religious addiction—for people whose families are breaking apart because they spend their entire time in church. Etcetera.


Why Do We Have Addictions Anyway?


From a superficial perspective, addictions provide an escape so you won’t feel your painful feelings.

And what are these painful feelings?


· Hurt: “I feel rejected.”

· Depression: “I feel low”; “I feel old”; “I feel ugly”; “I feel fat”

· Despair: “I feel my life is meaningless”

· Guilt: “I feel I’m bad”; “I feel I can’t meet the needs of my husband/kids”

· Anxiety: “I feel worried that bad things will happen”

· Fear: “I feel afraid that I will get hurt”

· Hate: “I feel angry at myself”; “I feel angry at others”

· Shame: “I feel I’m not worthy to even exist”


Let me share to you my own personal experience.

For years, the predominant feeling that ruled my life was shame.

I didn’t know it was shame. I got so used to this feeling, I thought it was part of life. I would wake up with this “bad” feeling already. All I knew was that I felt extremely sad. And my thoughts were always about my mistakes—real and imagined. Like a guy who only played one DVD in his DVD player, and did nothing else except press the “rewind” button, I simply paraded my past mistakes before me. And then I’d imagine how this person doesn’t like me, how that person is angry at me, how this person is rejecting me. And I would feel “it” in my gut. It was my constant companion, never leaving me.

Years later, I finally identified what I felt. It was shame.

I was ashamed that I existed. I was ashamed that I was alive.

Can you imagine waking up each morning with this feeling?

That was my life.

And so to escape my shame, I drowned myself in testosterone. I got into Porn. At least, these girls were smiling and disrobing to me. They must like me. My sexual fantasies were the same—these women were attracted to me.

For a moment, my shame disappeared.

But, after indulging in porn and masturbating, my shame deepened.

How could I, a servant of God, do such a thing?

But I kept doing it for years.

I threw myself into work—work that would make the world like me. My approval addiction was even more powerful than my *** addiction.

But twenty years ago, I took my first steps towards healing. It was a long journey. (If you want to read the full story, you can read my book, Your Past Does Not Define Your Future. It’s available at Shepherds Voice Publications, Inc., Bringing You Closer to God. I’m making an audio book and E-book of this same book very soon.)


What Is Your Core Need?


At the bottom of all addictions is this statement: “I don’t love myself.”

At the core of an addict’s heart is an empty Love Tank.

Every addiction is a hunger for love.

He doesn’t like himself.

He doesn’t value himself.

He doesn’t love himself.

That is why I believe that only love can heal an addiction.


How Do You Get Rid Of Addictions?


There is no one way to do it.

But why do these various ways work? All of these work as long as they fill up our Love Tank. Once our Love Tank is filled, we realize we don’t belong to the jail cell and stay out.

Here are some of the ways of pushing that jail door…


· Spontaneous Maturity

There are people who got rid of their bad habits by growing up emotionally. In their younger years, they took drugs and abused alcohol. As they grew older, got married, and had kids, their self-identity changed. They kicked their addictions and grew in self-confidence. Somehow, their Love Tanks were filled in the process.

Not all experience this maturity. I know of a 56-year old man who’s been taking drugs for 40 years now. Marriage didn’t change him. Kids didn’t change him.


· Spiritual Conversion

My friend Tim is a classic story of spiritual conversion that healed his addictions. After attending a Life in the Spirit Seminar, he stopped smoking and drinking the very day of the Seminar—cold turkey. Prior to that day, Tim was a heavy smoker and drinker for 30 years. What happened on that day? Aside from the power of God, he felt these vices no longer fit his new identity. He saw himself as God’s son, no longer an alcoholic or smoker. Emotionally, he liked the new Tim. Ultimately, God’s love filled his Love Tank.

However, not all people who go through our Seminars experience this instant freedom. And like everyone else under the sun, even Tim continues to battle other hidden addictions. So what else can we do?


· “Go Back to Your Past” Psychology

I’m going to commit a crime. (Forgive me.) This is terribly simplistic, but I believe psychology is divided into two major camps—those who believe healing comes from the past and those who believe healing come from the present. I know it’s more complicated than this but let’s imagine it’s not.

Followers of Sigmund Freud are in the first camp. They’ll insist that for you to get free from your addictions, you need to go back to your past and deal with your unresolved issues. To do that, you need a trained psychotherapist to listen to you as you explore your unhealed wounds.

I used to believe that this is the only way to really help a person change.

Not anymore. My belief is now more nuanced.

Personally, I believe that psychotherapy works, and it’s NOT because of the brilliant, earth-shaking insights that one derives from psychotherapy. (These insights help, but I don’t think they’re key to our healing.) Instead, I believe psychotherapy works because of something quite simple: That another human being is listening to you—and that human connection fills up your Love Tank.

Why do I believe so? From experience, when another human being listens to you, doesn’t judge you, and loves you, you get healed.

That’s why Christian Psychologist Larry Crabb says that the Christian Church should be the best place of healing in the world. Why? Because it should be the most loving place on earth—where listening, acceptance, and respect is practiced. (Two “shoulds” that aren’t happening!)

I still believe that “Go Back To Your Past” Psychology is great for diagnosis. But there lies its weakness. Now that I know my sickness, how will I heal it? After I found out that because I was sexually molested at age 8 and 13, I was more open to *** addiction, now what? The question remains the same—how do I cure it? I still had to deal with my present reality. And here lies the strength of the second division of psychology…


· “Deal With The Present” Psychology

The other “division” of psychology doesn’t believe that this “unearthing of the past” is the key to healing. It helps, but isn’t essential to healing. Instead, they believe that the real cure is dealing with the NOW. For example, Reality Therapy pioneered by Dr. William Glasser helps people identify what they want in life and practice their power of choice.

The entire Positive Thinking genre made popular by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale falls in this category. Even NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming, is included here. And many more. These approaches believe that by changing your present thinking and acting upon your choices, you change your life.


· 12-Step Group Approach

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and the entire recovery movement have touched millions of people. Today, you can almost be sure that there’s a support group out there for your addiction, whatever it may be. From Narcotics Anonymous to ***-Addicts Anonymous, from Food Addicts Anonymous to Shopaholics Anonymous. Some of its most staunch practitioners believe it’s the ONLY way to help people, which again, I disagree. But when it does work, why does it work? Sorry for saying this again, but I believe that the program helps you fill up your Love Tank. The effort you give in attending meetings are baby steps towards recovery, making you gain self-confidence. The power of a loving community surrounding you fills you with love as well.


· Practical Approach

A friend of mine stopped smoking by jogging, sucking menthol candies after meals, and staying away from smoker friends. His wife and kids were also very supportive. He swears by this route, and I don’t doubt him. I think every time he took a baby step towards his goal, he felt good about himself. This feeling translated in greater self-respect, which meant that his Love Tank was getting filled-up.


· My Approach? All of the Above!

In other words, I believe in the Spiritual-Psychological-Positive-Group-Practical Approach. Because I will use anything that will fill up a person’s Love Tank.


Walk Towards Your Freedom Now


For the longest time, you’ve been in a prison cell.

You’re tired. You’re desperate.

You’ve been tinkering with that impossible lock on the door.

But in reality, there is no lock.

You think there’s a lock, but there’s none.

You’ve been deceived. Cheated.

The lock is in your mind, not in the door.

What is that lock in your mind?

I call it your “homing instinct”. That means an unconscious part of you would like to stay in that dirty prison because you’ve become used to it. It’s been your home for years. Something within you—the defeated you, the failed you, the unloved you—wants to go back to that dungeon. A part of you feels that’s what you deserve. This drive within you is called the “homing” instinct. Hurting people recreate their home, no matter how painful those homes were.

But as you fill up your Love Tank, as you value yourself more and as you receive love from God and others, you realize that you deserve a new home. You realize that you don’t belong there anymore. With a full Love Tank, your “homing” instinct no longer drives you to your past home. Instead, it drives you to your future home. You begin to develop a “vision” instinct.

I’ll discuss more on this in the next parts of this series.


I remain your friend,



Bo Sanchez

[smurky]

Get Rid Of Toxic Faith (by: bo sanchez)

Does Your Religiosity Worsen Your Hidden Addictions?

Find Out By Looking For The 5 Symptoms Of Toxic Faith.

(Note: This is Part 6 of the 8-Part Series, How To Get Rid Of Bad Habits Now!)

Is your Faith Toxic?

Instead of healing, it kills.

Instead of blessing, it harms.

Instead of giving, it robs.

No, I’m not talking about your Brand of Religion. You could be Catholic, Born-Again, Muslim, Buddhist, or Hindu. It doesn’t matter. In each of these, you could have Toxic Faith.

It’s not the Brand of Religion, but the poisonous way you carry out your religion. It poisons you and it poisons others around you.

One of the clear signs that it’s Toxic Faith is that it fuels our hidden addictions.

I know of a significant number of religious people who are addicted to ***, alcohol, food, anger, materialism, and obviously, to religion itself.

In recent years, *** addiction has become a huge problem among religious leaders. I should know. As a 13-year-old boy, I was molested by a religious leader.

And in the process, I became a porn addict.

I wanted to run away from the pain within. I didn’t want to face my internal problems. So I sought solace in my religious activities. And in pornography.

This is my story.

But this is also the story of many people in the Church…

The Facts That Tell Us

There’s Something Terribly Wrong

In the US alone, there are 4,392 priests being accused of sexual abuse.

The problem is so acute, that in 2007, the Diocese of Los Angeles alone already paid $660 Million to over 500 victims of *** abuse. In total, the American Catholic Church has already paid over One Billion Dollars to *** abuse victims—and the numbers continue to grow.

But these statistics don’t compare to meeting a victim. To come face to face with a person sexually violated by a religious man.

I was a 13-year old boy when I went with my youth group to San Pedro, Laguna. We gave a Life in the Spirit Seminar in the parish. By evening, all of us retired to a private home. In the middle of the night, I woke up to discover a naked man on top of me. He was my religious leader. In my shock, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t shout. I cried myself to sleep.

The next morning, I saw the bedroom empty.

I walked to the living room to see the most repulsive sight I have ever seen. I saw my youth group in a circle praying their morning prayer, with my religious leader at the center, playing the guitar and leading them into prayer.

My leader was not a priest, but he looked like one. He loved wearing a large crucifix around his neck. He liked carrying a big Bible wherever he went. He preached well. He prayed well. He sang well.

He also molested boys well.

I never told anyone what happened to me that night.

But one day, one of the friends in that youth group asked me, “Did he touch you?” Immediately, I understood. “Yes, he did,” I said. My friend said he was abused as well. We found out that he had molested almost all of us in the youth group like we were little plastic animals in a firing range.

Please hear me out.

I still believe the majority of our priests are wonderful human beings and holy men of God. But the problem is real and leaders can no longer sweep it under a rug.

Catholics and Protestants—We’ve All Got Problems



*** scandals among Christian evangelists and pastors are not any different. How can one forget the scandals of big names like Jim Baker, Jimmy Swaggart, and most recently, Ted Haggard?

Jim Bakker, President of the Praise The Lord (PTL) empire, was accused raping his secretary Jessica Hahn and paying her $265,000 to remain silent.

Jimmy Swaggart, the biggest televangelist when I was growing up, called Jim Bakker on Larry King Live a “cancer in the Body of Christ” for his sexual indiscretions. He also exposed Pastor Marvin Gorman of having an adulterous affair with one his parishioners. In retaliation, Pastor Gorman hired a private detective to follow Swaggart, who photographed him leaving a motel with prostitute Debra Murphree. Swaggart tearfully spoke to his church and apologized. But in 1991, he was found again with another prostitute, Rosemarie Garcia.

Ted Haggard, senior pastor of a 14,000-member church and president of the National Association of Evangelicals, was accused of enjoying the services of Mike Jones, a male prostitute for 3 years and taking shabu to heighten the experience. Ironically, before this, Ted Haggard condemned homosexuality very strongly in his TV appearances.

Again, let me make this clear: I also believe most pastors and preachers are wonderful people and great servants of God. But these scandals call us to look deeper into our soul. Because whatever made Swaggart, Bakker, and Haggard fall is lurking within all of us. No exemption.

Why do religious people have hidden addictions?

There are many causes.

One of the major ones is Toxic Faith.


The 5 Symptoms of Toxic Faith

What is Toxic Faith? How do you know if you have Toxic Faith?

Frankly, this requires an entire book to explore (and I’ll probably do that one day), but here’s a brief exploration of this very explosive, highly controversial subject.

Find out if your faith is Toxic.

Let me describe five symptoms of Toxic Faith:

· You have a Distorted Image of God: He’s Judgmental

· You have a Distorted Faithfulness: You’re Legalistic

· You have a Distorted Image of Self: You Feel Condemned

· You have a Distorted Faith: You Practice Hyper-Faith

· You have a Distorted Faith System: You’re Spiritually Abused

Let me describe each of them one by one…



To All Those Who Want To Experience God’s Power In Their Lives…

“You Have The Power!”

Bo Sanchez’ Kerygma Conference 2007

November 23, 24, and 25, 2007

ULTRA, Pasig City

3 Days of God’s Power! Yes, Youwill be revived, refreshed, and restored like never before. You’ll have Bo Sanchez and the most powerful lay preachers in the country speak God’s Word and nourish your soul. Plus, a Healing Mass by Fr. Jerry Orbos and Fr. Joey Faller to pray for your healing. That’s three fantastic days of abundant, rich, and immeasurable blessing for your life. For more information, click here. Standard tickets for this mega-event cost P1,200.00 per person but if you meet certain conditions, you can get it at P500 only for the entire 3-Day Power event. To know if you qualify for this special price, call Tel. (02) 7259999 now. Don’t delay!

Symptom #1:

You Have A Distorted Image of God:

He’s Judgmental

One day, a man came up to me and said, “Bo, I’ve been feeling guilty. I feel God is angry at me today…”

“Angry at you? Why?” I asked.

“Because I missed my prayer time today. I’m afraid that He’ll punish me and cause bad things to happen today.”

Friends, I know that feeling very well. Because for years—no, decades—I used to feel this way.

Yes, I once had Toxic Faith. (And if I’ll be honest, I still feel its residue in my soul.) Toxic Faith is based on a distorted image of God. For 20 years, I worshipped a judgmental, wrathful, vindictive, vengeful, and legalistic God. Though I would never admit that then. During that time, I was even preaching on God’s Love!

Why? Because our intellectual image of God is very different from our subconscious image of God. The latter is much deeper and more difficult to change.

A person with Toxic Faith will imagine God telling him, “Aha! You missed your prayer time today. Tsk, tsk, tsk. What an ungrateful creature you are…”

I used to pray daily because of fear.

Do you know how absurd that is?

Imagine a father calling up his son by phone and growling, “Ingrate! How dare you forget me? You don’t visit me anymore. I’m warning you. I’m going to put a curse on you if you don’t visit me right this minute…”

We call those fathers abusive monsters. And yet I imagined God to be like that.

Today, I still pray daily, but I do so because I love to pray. He blesses me, nourishes me, and fills my heart with love. If I do miss my prayers, He doesn’t throw lightning bolts on me. When my image of God changed, my whole world changed as well.

Why does Toxic Faith worsen addictions?

Remember what I said in an earlier chapter: Any addiction is a hunger for true love. I want to be loved, and because I can’t find real love, I search for a palliative. An anaesthesia, to cover up the pain. When my image of God is judgemental, legalistic, vindictive, and vengeful, what was supposed to perfectly address my hunger for love (God’s Love) makes the hunger more acute.

Do You Worship The Judgmental, Wrathful,

Vindictive, And Vengeful God?

According to Toxic Faith, God is judgmental, wrathful, vindictive, vengeful, and legalistic. If a person has a distorted image of God, your subconscious beliefs are as follows… (Check if you have any of them.)

· “God will love me only if I behave.”

· “God hates sinners and is angry with me.”

· “He wants to punish me. He’s written down all my sins.”

· “God is never satisfied with me.”

· “If I sin, God will throw me to Hell forever.”

· “I’m now sick with cancer. God is punishing me for not being good enough.”

· “Our business flopped. God must be punishing me for forgetting Him.”

· “We just met a car accident. You know why? We failed to pray…”

When you have Toxic Faith, it seems as though God is preoccupied with your sins. All He does the whole day is waiting for you to make a mistake. He’s also fickle and moody: When you don’t sin, He likes you. When you do sin, He doesn’t like you.

Their entire relationship with God is based on shame. He has ever-increasing demanding standards, like a target that keeps on moving, and they can never quite satisfy Him.


Symptom #2:

You Have A Distorted Faithfulness:

You’re Legalistic

My friend “Melanie” believes that God wants her to pray at the exact time everyday—5:00AM. She’d feel very guilty if, because she woke up late or had to do something else, was forced to pray at 5:30AM. To Melanie, that wasn’t honouring God.

Toxic Faith produces very faithful people, but its expression of faithfulness is distorted: It’s legalistic and painfully scrupulous. Legalism in itself is an addiction.

To confirm whether Melanie had Toxic Faith, I checked for two signs: Did it lead to shame or to self-righteousness? (In other words, it’s either she felt shame herself or she shamed others.)

When Melanie was able to keep her 5:00AM prayer each day, she felt good about herself. She felt God accepted her and liked her—so she liked herself too. But she looked down on others who didn’t pray, who prayed late, or who prayed shorter than her. She became self-righteous. “You’ll grow up too one day,” she’d say condescendingly.

When Malanie was late with her 5:00AM appointment with God, she was filled with shame. She felt God frowned on her. She felt bad about herself. She was an ungrateful, undisciplined, insect before God.

She is the modern-day Pharisee that needs to hear again Jesus’ words: What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest income from your herb gardens, but you ignore the more important aspects of the law—justice, mercy, and faith.[1]

St. Paul has powerful words for the legalist and the scrupulous: So why do you keep on following the rules of the world, such as, “Don’t handle! Don’t taste! Don’t touch!”? Such rules are mere human teachings about things that deteriorate as we use them. These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, pious self-denial, and severe bodily discipline. But they provide no help in conquering a person’s evil desires.[2]

I’ve found this to be true. I recall a Bishop who was known to be very strict on others, almost rigid in his exacting ways, was exposed to have a mistress on the side. It was unimaginable when the news broke out. How could that be?

The external rigidity was a subconscious projection. He was trying to control what he couldn’t control within.

When Jimmy Swaggart was exposing Jim Bakker’s and Marvin Gorman’s sexual sins on national TV, he was really subconsciously exposing his own sexual sins which he couldn’t accept. When Ted Haggard was condemning homosexuality in the political arena and on television, he was condemning the homosexuality he couldn’t face within himself.

Are You A Religious Addict?

Legalism can be an addiction.

Rigidity can be an addiction.

Religiosity can be an addiction.

You can be addicted to anything. As long as it can give you an escape from your inner pain. And religion is the easiest thing to be addicted to because it’s something acceptable and highly admired.

How do you know if you’re a religious addict? If instead of facing your past wounds or resolving personal issues head on, you ESCAPE from your inner pain by drowning yourself in religious activities—prayer, bible reading, doctrinal studies, ministry meetings—then most likely you’re a religious addict.

Let’s move to the third symptom of Toxic Faith.

Symptom #3:

You Have A Distorted Image of Self:

You Feel Condemned



A person with low self-worth will be damaged by Toxic Faith.

I have talked to many whose language expresses a very negative picture of themselves. They say something like this, “I’m bad. My body is bad. I’m ashamed of myself. God wants me to disregard my feelings (because it’s of the flesh) and give up my valid and legitimate needs (because that’s selfishness).”

Toxic Faith will never allow us to love ourselves. Instead, it will urge us to call ourselves a wretch and a worm—and urge us to treat ourselves that way.

Some people actually pray in this way: “Lord, I’m a worm, a despicable, ugly, sinful worm. I don’t deserve your love. I’m so repulsive in your sight. I’m a beast, a infestation, a virus, a wretch like no other…”

Don’t get me wrong. I love singing that classic song, Amazing Grace, which goes, Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me…

It’s a beautiful song, but someone with a distorted self-image will focus on the “wretch” part and will not look at the other beautiful parts of that song.

Same goes with the prayer after the Rosary, Hail Holy Queen. One part says, To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve; To thee do we send up our sighs, mourning, and weeping in this valley of tears…

Someone with low self-worth we latch onto those words like a leech and live on them for eternity. “I’m a banished child of Eve, sighing, mourning, and weeping…” But before we’re children of Eve, we’re children of God. How could we forget that?

Toxic Faith will distort how you look at yourself.

It will also distort the very beliefs you believe in…

Symptom #4:

You’ll Have A Distorted Faith:

You Practice Hyper-Faith



I’m a preacher that gives hope to people. It’s my mission.

Every Sunday, I preach to a people that are tired and burdened from the daily grind of life. In our dark world, we need hope badly.

So I tell people to dream big dreams and pray for them everyday. I tell people that they’re surrounded by God’s abundance—and at anytime, they can tap into that overflowing resource for all that they need.

But there’s a thin line that I dare not cross: The realm of Hyper Faith.

Hyper Faith is a common ingredient of Toxic Faith.

Hyper Faith preaches, “If you only have faith, all your problems will be solved. If you just believe and pray, God will fix everything magically.”

That’s not true. I tell people that while they’re breathing, problems are a part of life. They don’t disappear just because we’re close to God. But in every problem, God will accompany us.

Real Faith heals, but Toxic Faith kills.

How? Let me give you a few examples…

When You Don’t Get Healed,

Is There Something Wrong With You?



My friend “Ren” has cancer. For some time, she’s been praying for healing.

One day, she was prayed over by a Pastor of the Hyper-Faith variety. After praying over her, this Pastor declared to her with the authority of an Old Testament prophet, “The only reason why you’re still sick is because you lack faith.”

Ren was devastated. She felt guilty. Sad. Confused. And angry.

She felt guilty that she had little faith.

She was sad that she couldn’t make it grow after all these years.

She was confused because she didn’t know what to do.

And she was angry at God that He was giving her healing but placed it beyond the reach of her small faith.

But what was the truth? I knew Ren. My friend has great faith.

She trusted in God even in the midst of her sickness.

But Hyper-Faith will not allow that.

If You Want To Be Wealthy, Just Tithe?

This is their belief: If you’re close to God, you’ll be healthy and wealthy. You’ll never get sick and you should never be poor.

I don’t teach Hyper-Faith. Instead, I preach real hope.

I also preach the practical things that people need to do to reach their dreams. Some people call me a Prosperity Preacher. I’d rather that they call me a Practical Preacher. Because not everything happens just by praying. (People criticize me for that too. They say I’m too practical. Oh well, you can’t please everyone all the time.)

For example, some preachers say that tithing is the key to prosperity. I once read an entire book of financial prosperity, and for 11 chapters straight, the author just talked about giving and nothing else.

But here’s the big question: Why is it that there are people who tithe and remain poor? Lack of faith again?

Here’s why: Because tithing is only one of the keys to prosperity. There are other practical keys that one has to do to become prosperous. Like what? Like living simply; And saving regularly; And learning how to invest and knowing where to invest; etc… That’s the stuff that I love to teach people.

(Note: If you want to learn more about how to receive financial blessings, attend my How To Be Truly Rich Seminar on November 3, 2007, 9am to 12noon. I want as many people to learn how to reach financial freedom, so we made it very affordable. Your learning investment is P475 only per person. Call Beckie at Tel. (02) 7229562 (Tuesdays to Fridays, 9am - 6pm) or email her at beaconlightevents@gmail.com Once you graduate from that, you can apply for the Truly Rich Financial Coaching Program.)

That’s another distorted belief of Toxic Faith: Having true faith means not doing anything but waiting on God to do it for me.

Let me give you other distorted beliefs…

Other Distorted Beliefs Of Toxic Faith

Have you heard this before? “God will find me a perfect mate and give me signs that it’s him or her.”

No, He won’t. He’ll ask you to think and use your mind.

I met a woman who’s married to an incredibly irresponsible guy. He doesn’t have a job, lies to her constantly, and is addicted to gambling.

“We met in the prayer meeting,” she said, “and when he courted me, I prayed to God if he was the man for me. I knew he didn’t have a job when I met him, and couldn’t keep one for a few years. So I asked for sign from God. And He gave them to me. So I thought it would be a great marriage…”

So what if you met in a prayer meeting? That means only one thing—that he’s charismatic. But is he responsible? Is he honest? Is he faithful? Use your mind, sisters! Find out for yourself. Don’t depend on supernatural signs. Look for natural ones! The mere fact that he couldn’t hold a regular job for years was a natural sign to choose someone else!

Here are three other insane beliefs of Toxic Faith I have no time to explain:

· A strong faith will protect me from problems and pain.

· I should accept everything that happens to me as God’s will.

· If it’s not in the Bible, it not true or relevant.

There are others, but let me now go to the fifth symptom…

Symptom #5:

You’ll Have A Distorted Faith System:

You’re Spiritually Abused

Toxic Faith is usually supported by a Toxic Faith System.

Which is spiritually abusive.

I must confess that my community, Light of Jesus, had, at one time in our history, elements of this Toxic Faith System. Why? Because I was the leader of the group, and I had Toxic Faith. When the leader of a group has Toxic Faith, he creates a Toxic Faith System in his group. I think any religious group is open to such tendencies, and we need to be very careful. (I have asked for forgiveness for being spiritually abusive from my community many times.)

To find out if your group, family, community, ministry, organization, or church has a Toxic Faith System, look for these 7 Elements:

1. The Leader claims special access to God and maintains control and authoritarian rule

Only he or she (or they) can make decisions for the group and the individuals within the group. You can’t question this Leader or you’re seen as questioning God. You need to totally agree with the Leader or get out.

2. The Leader is punitive, judgmental, and castigating

There is a constant purging from the ranks. If you ask a question that is deemed questioning his authority, you’re labelled a rebel, someone with a critical spirit, and will be removed.

3. The Leader isn’t accountable to anyone

This is very dangerous. Even the Pope has a College of Cardinals and Bishops—and his teaching authority is linked to them.

4. No real Communication between Leaders and Members

Someone or some people—the Leader’s inner circle—shield the top Leader from what the members are actually saying or experiencing.

5. Members feel it’s their group “Against the World”

The members feel that their group is in the cutting edge of God’s work in this sinful world. That their group is the best. That their group is especially chosen by God as either the only way of Salvation, or at the very least, His hand-picked SWAT team against evil. Other groups simply cannot compare.

6. Members are suffering

But in reality, members are suffering. Emotionally, they’re burned out; Physically, their tired; Financially, they’re not growing (the organization may be getting richer, and the Leader is getting richer, but the members are not); and spiritually, they’re stagnant—because their highest loyalty is not to God anymore but to their Leader and the System.

7. The priorities taught to members are as follows:

· Submit to the Leader at all times.

· Don’t ask, don’t doubt, don’t think. (This is what submission means.)

· Never express feelings except positive ones.

· Don’t trust outsiders. (Just listen to our teachings.)

· Don’t do anything outside your role.

· You need to give money or else.

· Protect the image of the organization at all costs.

Jesus said, Beware of the false prophets, who come in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves.[3] False prophets don’t have to be cultic leaders or strange guys who call themselves Messiah. When any leader-a priest, a bishop, a pastor, a lay leader-robs people of their ability to think, controls them by his use of guilt and fear, manipulating them to strengthen his power or to enrich himself, he is a false prophet.

When a Leader creates his own exacting standards and tells people that unless they follow them, they’ll not enter the Kingdom of Heaven, he is shutting Heaven’s gates to them. About them, Jesus said, Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.[4]

[smurky]

(continuation)
God, a Woman, and a Tiger

Let me end this chapter with a beautiful story.

One day, a young woman went to the mountain Hermit seeking help.

“I need a potion for my husband’s depression,” she cried to him. “He came from war and doesn’t speak to me. He doesn’t listen to me. I try to caress him but he brushes me aside. I serve him food and he pushes it and angrily leaves the room. He then goes up a hill and just stares out to sea… Oh kindly sir, make me a potion so that I could give it to my husband and heal his depression!”

The Hermit closed his eyes and thought for a long while. After what seemed like a very long time, he then said to her, “I will make a special potion for your husband. But it needs a special ingredient. Get me a whisker of a live tiger.”

The woman was shocked. “Sir? I cannot get that…”

“But if you want your husband to get well, you will,” said the Hermit.

The woman ran home, prepared a bowl of food, and carried it deep in the forest—where a tiger lived inside a cave. She placed down the bowl of food at the opening of the tiger’s cave and called on the tiger. “Tiger, I brought food for you. Come and eat!”

But the tiger did not come out.

The next day, the woman came again with a bowl of food and called on the tiger to eat. But the tiger did not come out again.

She kept doing this everyday, and tiger was getting used to her voice.

After one month, the tiger would peek through the opening, but he still would not eat her bowl of food.

After two months, the tiger finally left the cave and felt secure looking at the strange woman giving him food.

After three months, the tiger would finally eat the food as the woman watched from the distance.

After four months, the woman could actually sit beside the tiger as he ate.

After five months, the woman could wrap her arms around the tiger as he ate. She was now a friend and he was totally at peace with her.

After six months, as the woman caressed the tiger and as the tiger playfully rested his head on her lap, she whispered to his ear, “I hope you won’t get angry, but I will get something from you—for my husband whom I love.” She then snipped one of his whiskers. The tiger did not even flinch.

After which, she ran to the Hermit and said, “I now have the whisker of a live tiger! Please make the potion for my depressed and angry husband…”

The Hermit took the whisker from her hand and threw it into the fire behind him.

“Nooooooo!” the woman screamed, “why did you do that?”

“You don’t need a potion,” the Hermit said, “because you are the potion to your husband.”

“I don’t understand,” the woman asked.

“What is more fierce? A tiger or a man? A tiger of course. But for six months you learned how to tame his anger. You were able to bring him out of his cave. With patience. With care. With love. Now I want you to use all that and bring your husband out of his cave and heal his depression.”

Do You Know The Difference Between

Toxic Faith And Real Faith?

I share you this story because I believe that God is like that woman.

We are that tiger. We are in darkness. We are in that cave. Like that woman, God comes to us with a lot of gentleness and a bowl of food. The food of His love. The food of His grace.

He will not force us to eat His food. He will not impose His power, His rule, His authority over us. Instead, He will wait, patiently and gently, for us to learn to trust Him. Day after day, week after week, month after month—year after year.

When we are ready, He will feed us.

When we are ready, He will wrap His arms around us.

That’s the difference between Toxic Faith and Real Faith.

Toxic Faith imagines God as a Judge that condemns and forces us to follow Him, using threats and intimidation. Toxic Faith requires that His followers do the same—impose, judge, label, pull rank, and intimidate.

Real Faith is very different. It imagines God as a woman patiently waiting for the tiger to leave his cave, so she could feed him and caress him. Real Faith requires that His followers do the same—love, forgive, share, care, bless, and serve.

I choose Real Faith.

Real Faith heals my addictions. Toxic Faith worsens them.


Choose Real Faith.


I remain your friend,


Bo Sanchez

[smurky]

kana lang sa kay murag nobela na ang inyong basahonon

got a few more for you in the future.... see ya!!!

do invite others to read the posts here....

[smurky]

Bo's planning to give his first ebook online. when it's out, i'll be
the first one to post it here (by chapters)
para makabasa ka...

[smurky]

up up and away!!!

[demonyito]

bro smurky, kung pwde si bo sanchez nalng atong guest speaker for the next eyebiz! hehe

[smurky]

possible baya bro... pero maybe on the 10th or 11th eyebiz na....
kay dili ta ka-afford niya... hehehe...

but i have an idea.... i'll try to contact my idol Bo Sanchez, then ask
him if he's willing to conduct a seminar of the "trulyrichclub" if we can
organize a certain number of participants... we'll just have to know
how much ang rate/fee sa seminar per attendee...

bro smurky, kung pwde si bo sanchez nalng atong guest speaker for the next eyebiz! hehe