Istoryan Writers

[diem]

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@von, it's okay bro~ priorities priorities. One can think of it as a break, as a recharge.

@Ryestar, welcome and thanks for the sharing your tips.

[diem]

[color=navy]Hello again everyone. Just found something interesting in my e-mail box I want to share. The information might be useful to some.

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Common Errors in Philippine English

English is a language completely alien to us Filipinos, since it belongs to the Indo-European family of languages, while our own languages belong to the Malayo-Polynesian family.

Since it is an alien and a secondary language for us, it is only understandable that we would commit mistakes while using it. Thus, it is indecent if we condemn ourselves when we make such mistakes; even its native speakers are not masters of it.

Listen to Pres. George Bush:

"More and more of our imports come from overseas." (Where else?)

"We were welcomed. But it was not a peaceful welcome." (Aha, there's a hostile welcome pala.)

The following are some of the errors in Philippine English.

1. "He is married with five children."

With whom is he married? With five children? My goodness, he must be a pedophile.

Correct:
He is married (with this lady), and they have five children.
He is married (with this lady), with whom he has five children.

2. Numbers as adjectives. When numbers are used as adjectives, they must always be in the singular form, even if their use is in the
plural sense.

Wrong:
Patrick is a five-years-old boy.
BA English is a five-years course.
Applicants must have at least a two-years experience.

Correct:
Patrick is a five-year-old boy.
BA English is a five-year course.
Applicants must have at least a two-year experience.

When numbers are used as nouns, they may be in the singular or plural form, depending on their use:

Patrick is a boy who is five years old.
Patrick is five years old.
The baby is one year old.
The baby is three years old.
BA English is a course of four years.
BA English is a course lasting four years.
Applicants must have an experience of at least two years.
Applicants' experience must be at least two years.

3. "One of the" phrase

The phrase "one of the" means "one of the many"; therefore, its noun must be in the plural form, not singular.

Wrong:
Taolaba is one of the player of the team.
Kris is one of the famous lady of the country.

Correct:
Taolaba is one of the players of the team.
Kris is one of the famous ladies of the country.

4. "Request for"

Wrong:
I would like to request for your assistance.

In this sentence, request is used as a verb, which means "ask for." Thus, for is redundancy or superfluous already. Omit it.

Correct:
I would like to request your assistance.

"Make a request for"

Correct:
I would like to make a request for your assistance.

In this sentence, since make is the verb and request is used as a noun, for is needed.

5. "Taken cared of"

Wrong:
The matter has been taken cared of.

In this sentence, taken is the verb (in the present perfect tense); thus, cared should be a noun, not another verb.

Correct:
The matter has been taken care of.

The use of comma is another field that has enormous mistakes.

1. A comma separates independent clauses joined by such conjunctions as and, but, for, if, neither, nor, or, since, yet

Anita plays the piano well, and she sings for the choir, too.
Anita plays the piano well, but she can't sing for the choir.
Anita plays the piano well, yet she can't sing for the choir.
Anita plays the piano well, for she has been with it since she was little.

2. Commas enclose full date and place citations.

She was born on April 5, 2004, when her father was still abroad.
He has lived in Quiapo, Manila, all his life.

NOTE: There are more than 40 rules of proper comma use.

The proper use of semi-colon is also neglected.

1. The semi-colon separates independent clauses not joined by a conjunction.

Wrong:
Anita plays the piano well, she sings for the choirs, too.
Anita plays the piano well, she has been with it since she was little.

Correct:
Anita plays the piano well; she sings for the choirs, too.
Anita plays the piano well; she has been with it since she was little.

2. The semi-colon separates independent clauses joined by such conjunctive adverbs as as a result, in fact, since, therefore, thus, then, etc.

Wrong:
Anita has a good voice, thus, she sings for the choir.
Anita has been playing the piano since she was little, as a result, she plays it perfectly.

Correct:
Anita has a good voice; thus, she sings for the choir.
Anita has been playing the piano since she was little; as a result, she plays it perfectly.

NOTE: There are more than 10 rules of proper semi-colon use.

The other errors in Philippine English are the proper use of prepositions; end questions; simple, progressive, and perfect tenses; subjunctive mood; punctuation marks; and more.

I wish we would correct our mistakes, since being correct is always better than being wrong. But let us avoid the unnecessary condemnation for such mistakes, and let's not aspire for perfection in English. We can never attain it.

[color=navy] I agree with the last statement. Let's not strive for perfection, we can never attain it BUT let's not cross out those regular grammar mistakes either. These "Filipinisms" give a distinct character and culture to our writing. It's really about having such "lemons" and making "lemonade", turning negatives into positives.

Remember what Kurt Vonnegut said, "The writing style which is most natural to you is bound to echo the speech you heard when a child. All these varieties of speech are beautiful, just as the varieties of butterflies are beautiful. No matter what your first language, you should treasure it all your life. If it happens not to be standard English, and if it shows itself when you write standard English, the result is usually delightful, like a very pretty girl with one eye that is green and one that is blue."

[chitgoks]

my friend also has a collection of essays and stuffs

http://bhobwire.blogspot.com

[DebutsAndIDos]

Just a clarification on a post above...

The phrase "married with five children" sounds correct to me.

I think it would be wrong to say: He is married with <name> and they have five children.

Instead:
He is married to <name> and they have five children.
or
He is married to <name> with five children.

Can anyone whip out a grammar book and check, pretty please?

@ diem:

Just an add-on to your thoughts...

I agree that perfection is out of the mark. Yet, I also think think striving for the better (not necessarily perfection) would benefit many Filipinos.

I'm not talking about the honest mistakes we sometimes make. Instead, Im referring to the many "pa-sosyal" people who talk their-version-of-English down their noses at anyone unfortunate enought to cross their path. Frankly, I think it's ridiculous!

If they're going to pretend at being a good English speaker, let them make sure they're halfway decent. Otherwise, let them act humble at least and we'll forgive their gaffes.

Arrogance with wrong grammar, and a fake twang for bonus, is too much to handle. I applaud those with enough fortitude to not laugh out loud in the face of these walking man-made disasters.

[galenostiel]

^LOL, this just reminds me of the woman who was handling my pedicure at the salon yesterday. I had to fight ti keep a straight face when she said "inspect the uninspected" when what she really meant was "expect the unexpected."

True, though. People like the ones you mention really irritate me because they actually have no right to be that high-handed.

[diem]

[color=navy]As writers, we should take care and be cautious in the use of words, be these of any language: English, Filipino or Bisaya.

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MORE Common mistakes - lalo na sa showbiz!!
1. "FOR A WHILE" - should be "for a moment" or "please hold"
2. "BETWEEN 2PM TO 5PM" - should be "between 2pm AND 5pm" or "from 2pm TO 5PM"
3. "VEHICLES BOUND TO MAKATI (or any place) - should be "vehicles bound FOR _____"
4. "IRREGARDLESS" - there's no such thing!!! "regardless" lang OK NA!
5. "CLOSE OR OPEN THE LIGHT" - should be "turn/switch on/off the light."

Kung hindi man natin maituwid ang ingles natin, marahil ay maaari naman nating ayusin ang ating Filipino. Subali't ang nakakainis talaga ay yung maling Filipino na maririnig natin sa mga balita sa lahat ng
local channels...

Examples:
1. Ang mga pulis ay RUMESPONDE.. .ang tamang salita ay TUMUGON
2. Ang PAGMEMENTENA ng mga kalye...ang tamang salita ay PAGPAPANATILI
3. KONSIDERASYON. ..spanish po ito...ang tamang salita ay PAGSASAALANG- ALANG

[color=navy]
However, if we analyze every word of our work for proper usage, we wouldn't get any writing done! And editors wouldn't have jobs anymore. Hehe.

[Rye_Star]

Hi guys can you comment on this short story I penned down. It's from 2 years ago.

The Marble Ring
by Rye Cristoria

He swirled his drink with a pink straw, slowly, painfully slow, consciously fulsome with what he was doing, eyes tracing the circles he was cutting, which disappeared and reappeared with each muted swoosh. He was trying to hypnotize it:

Turn black, turn black, he urged.

He stopped and shrugged—picture sangfroid—then forgot about it; it was a futile exercise. The trick failed; it was inoculated.

I looked down at my own cup of coffee, a black pool insulated in blue ceramic hand-painted with yellow flowers, then at his lucent glass into the substance inside, chaste-looking, glacial milkshake. Why it? It was not what we were here for. I wanted it to turn black.

“Tell me, how far along are you in your research?� a perfunctory question.

His eyes lit up. I knew he had been dying to talk about that.

♀Ù*♂

“Boo! There you are!�

“Shit—don’t you know it’s impolite to spring on people like that? Look what you made me do!� There goes a newly-lit cigarette, a casualty on the dirt.

“Aren’t we cranky today?�

“I failed my math exam.�

“So what else is new?� he chuckled.

“God, you’re a stone.� I hunted in my purse for another cigarette. “Goddamnit! That was my last one!�

“You’re cute when you blaspheme.� No reaction. I was an iron mask. “Quit sulking. Come, let’s have some lunch. I’m starving.�

“I already had mine.�

“Come along anyway, I’d like to have you for lunch,� he leered.

I sneered back. And as he spun on his heels in the direction of the cafeteria, I ambled after him: a broken, belligerent puppy.

He attacked his food like dignified royalty dainty in the battlefield. I watched, hawkish and haughty, from my tower.

“This tastes like rubber. Burnt rubber,� he whined.

“Who killed those pork chops?� straight from the mouth of Whitman—as fancied by Ginsberg. Yes, Mr. Ginsberg, I heard you; this is life, I play the role of a walking cento—and a schizo of sorts—I had to ask.

“What?� He paused for enlightenment.

“Have you seen that pig feed ad on TV, the one where they had healthy, smiling pigs frolicking in an idyllic farm, rainbow and all?�

“Yeah,� he assumed seriousness, “it’s funny how people strive to keep their prospective food well-fed and themselves end up starved. Those pigs get the better end of the deal, if you ask me.�

“It’s sick!� I refused to join his cant. “It’s the Truman Show, only the ruse is revealed at the moment of slaughter. What an awful way to go! �

“What’s your problem? Last time I checked you’ve put your vegan lifestyle on hold—� punctuating it with an exaggerated bite into his chops.

“My problem: every time I think ‘men’, I think ‘steak’. And until I learn to contemplate more on Mr. Potato I wouldn’t be vegan again. Hypocrisy kills. And if it doesn’t, those genetically modified soy beans will do you in.�

“Alright. But before we die of charades and synthetics…we should first go out for coffee sometime. What do you think?�

“Steak.�

♀Ù*♂

I only recalled his opening line and even that was dubious. It was all a buzz. I nodded slightly, giving the impression that I was paying attention; I was—not to him—his milkshake. I fidgeted a bit, toyed with my hair. He noticed nothing.

A big nod. I caught his voice going emphatic, which was my cue. He had come to an important point in his speech, his lecture; he was lecturing me. He booms especially when he thinks it might pass my comprehension.

He reminded me of a teacher—rather teachers, save for those singular exempt. It is the droning, lecturing voice, which sporadically goes radio, all but the wink and nudge, if they want you to take note of something; they could quiz you on that, so you have to be alert lest you will look stupid when they decide to pounce on you. An advice: keep your ears perked for those breaks in the monotonous spiel, the rest you can disregard.

“Paleoweltschmerz..,� he boomed, I nodded—now there is an interesting term—“dinosaurs became so disillusioned with their ancient world that they died of sheer boredom.�

Tough luck.

Oh shut the hell up.

♀Ù*♂

I sighed.

“You ok?� He took a fleeting side-glance at me, furtive, bashful even; the kind of look that descends upon a person who had walked in on someone in the act of dressing—or the contrary.

I should have atleast brought along a shawl to serve as buffer between grass and skin; the former was proving to be a little less friendly to exposed limbs. Reminded of the fact that it was originally my idea to do this, I was instantly feeling a bit copacetic. The sensation of a hundred millipedes crawling under my skin was discreetly suppressed; a scratch would be prosaic, I would not risk it lest the moment’s spell be shattered. I silently chided myself for wearing a flimsy hemp skirt instead of an old pair of sturdy jeans.

Eventually, all that was forgotten.

“I’m fine. It’s the night. It does something to you—to me.�

The deserted classrooms, hallways, sheds, benches, the entirety of the school took on a haunted look: a palimpsest of forms and sounds. There was nil that remained of the deceased day’s animated, scurrying scene in this pervasive silence of drifting shadows.

Spread out at the center of what would be deemed as the school’s soccer field in the light of day—synergic thoughts sailing under the sky’s ceiling—are our two floating figures.

Yet it does not suffice to come together and consolidate: the idea of proximity, tactility, the corporeal are easily obscured. The concreteness of beings is subjective, and subjected to the mercy of natural forces. The union must be pristine, the best such creatures of flesh can make it…

At the start, it was a little awkward, that symbolic stripping of two mortal beings alone. But the night does do something to people. And we found soon after that it was easier to breathe once we let fall our coverings. We did not touch, did not dare to make a human sound; it was intuitive—no—cerebral—no—none of those.

“This is how I want to die…� I said—exhaled—I felt like warm air rising to join the clouds.

“Dama de noche. This is how you really are…� His voice mixed with the fume exuded by his cigarette and the fumarole of his mouth.

We were metamorphosing. We were sublimating. Together.

I wanted it to last.

“Tomorrow we—�

“No! Let’s not talk about that,� I warned.

But my words had gotten chilled. Bells sounded. Something broke.

“Alright.� He took my hand in his. It too grew clammy. “You…well…go gently into the night."

I fell back into silence, as I met the steady gaze of the moon.

♀Ù*♂

The lengthier his talk got, the longer I stared into his drink, nodding like a ninny all the while. Images of a white sea grinding a ship to nothing between its ice mountains flashed from an invisible TV screen. How would you like it if you got trapped in a white hell?

Somewhere behind me glasses were clinking, people having a toast: “To life,� clink, “to the light that guides our lives,� clink, “to the love illuminated by such light,� clink.

I have it wrong. Those were bells. During the time of the Black Death ringing the church bells was believed to help disperse the plague:

‘Let the bells of cities be rung often:

Thereby the aire is purified.’

Help me! Save me!—Stop it! I’m hearing things.

My world went dark.

“God, are you alright?� Like lightning he was beside me, feeling my forehead, rubbing my arm.

“I got dizzy.�

“You should have said something. Do you wanna go home?�

Yes, definitely, yes. I cringe from the feel of your hand on my skin. My oxygen intake is down to a quarter. All this could just be a dream, and I could wake up in the loving arms of a butcher. I could turn suicidal from world-weariness. This is my white hell or the Black Death—Stop.

No, it couldn’t be—but it is—the milkshake, a trickling stream from the table making a pallid puddle on the tiled floor. He knocked his glass while rushing to my rescue.

“No. I’ll be alright.� I tried to relax. Perhaps it was not too late.

“You sure?� He sounded sorry. I made a wrong turn somewhere. Forgive me.

“Positive.� I pushed back a lock that strayed vexingly near an eye, and sipped from my cup. “So, would you like to try the coffee now?� lips curling into a toothy smile, seductive as the Cheshire cat on a toothpaste ad.

Bells were meant to ward off phantoms, not beckon them.

“As long as you insist you’re fine.� He resumed his seat and glanced at the toppled glass. “But I think I’ll have another milkshake—�

CLANGK! The ceramic split upon hitting the floor; the black pool leaked out of the debris, crawled its way towards the milk; a blot surfaced on my skirt. A waiter came rushing at the sound of something breaking. He said for us not to worry, an innocent atoning; he would return to clean up the mess.

“What’s the matter with you?� He sounded anxious. Accusing. Angry.

Ding, ding, ding.

This time around I listened:

We are not we—there is no we—I failed to see—

Before me was a stranger. A steak.

“Hello,� I greeted the stranger. “Do you know Zelda Sayre?�

He was not sure if he should answer. He did not have an answer.

“She tells me to tell you this,� I looked at his hands then smiled into his eyes, and calmly said:

“I hope you die in the marble ring.�

[diem]

[color=navy]^^Thank you for posting your piece, Rye.

My comments below are based on my personal knowledge, experience and opinions as a reader and writer.

I truly enjoyed reading your work. I learned a lot, how I'll explain that later on. It's a neat piece of writing, with little or no grammar and spelling mistakes at all. That show some care and maybe several revisions have been done to the work. Good, good.

I find your "The Marble Ring" to be a fine example of a written work using the stream-of-consciousness literary style where a character's inner thought processes are laid out for the reader. Also, your continuous use of imagery and allusions is intriguing. Good.

You use a lot of what Hemingway would call "10-dollar words", or according to Faulkner: words "that might send the reader to the dictionary." Fulsome, copacetic, palimpsest, lucent, fumarole, good words all but I just wonder were these really necessary for you to use?

All in all, I find "The Marble Ring" an intelligent article of literature, maybe too intelligent It's different and it's a challenge, like a sliding tile puzzle. I learned a lot from analyzing the purpose, hidden meanings and researching the references to the allusions in "The Marble Ring".

Rye, if you want to be a writer whose works would be called "enigmatic", causing readers to think and ponder on what you're writing about, you're well on your way.

[akoyako]

Let me pass this on. It's a nice and thoughtful article.
I got into his narrative and taken completely by his final and main point.
However, he almost lost me in the middle when he talked away about Spanish numbers.

Akoy


http://muragdoctor.wordpress.com/200...for-a-verdict/

Curious about the proceedings of an actual court hearing, I stepped
inside a room where a trial was taking place. I don't think I would
have been allowed inside had I not been somewhat connected to one of
the lawyers. I had hitched a ride from the airport in Cagayan de Oro
to Iligan in my high school classmate's car. It turned out her father
was a lawyer and that he was also scheduled to represent or was it to
prosecute a defendant. I could no longer remember the details of that
case except for the moment when the defendant gave his testimony.

The defendant sat relaxed as the court interrogated him.
He was well built bordering on obesity and the hint of a beer belly.
He had dark brown skin that hinted of a life of toil under the sun. He
wore a plain white shirt and jeans. There was nothing remarkable about
him. He was at the center of attention simply because someone brought
a complaint against him.
Then he spoke. I could not recall his words, but I remember he had a
deep baritone voice. That voice had a certain quality that is sought
after in documentaries. Yet it was not just the tone that brought my
attention, it was the language. He was speaking in perfect, fluent
Cebuano!
I speak Cebuano. I grew up in that language. I even spoke it to the
point of impoliteness in Manila, where the dominant language is
Tagalog. Yet I must admit that my Cebuano was like a maya* compared to
the eagle** that was his Cebuano.
Western influence has transformed Cebuano, or at least the Cebuano
that I grew up in. Spanish words have seamlessly integrated into it to
the point that some of us get surprised that a certain word has
Spanish origins. English has also done its share, and has even
replaced the use of Spanish in some cases. An example would be in
counting. Traditionally, we use Cebuano words for the number of things
until the number 10. Beyond 10, we switch to Spanish i.e. onse, dose,
trese, etc. Money talk, however, is traditionally done using
Spanish***. Nowadays, it is now common to see members of the newer
generations to count only in English be it for money or for the number
of things.
Hearing the man talk in perfect Cebuano somehow opened my eyes to that
language. I didn't realize that Cebuano could actually become
beautiful. My generation, or at least those who belong to the upper
social classes, do not think much about the classical use of our
language. We cannot write in it in the same degree we write in
English. We cannot even understand it when we read it!
Truth be told, I haven't even seen Cebuano literature aside from
Cebuano Bibles. These, btw, are disposed of to "those who cannot
understand English". We don't listen to sermons in Cebuano, because we
wouldn't be able to understand it! We prefer to listen to our
ministers and priests in English. Yet we have not stopped ourselves
from speaking it, but in relegating it to conversation we have somehow
reduced it.
IMO, there is nothing colorful about contemporary Cebuano. Our words
are direct. Our vocabulary is small. Our conversations lack idioms.
When asked for synonyms of our common words, we give English words.
When asked to explain topics, some of us even answer in straight
English. What's worse is that every other sentence that comes from our
mouths have at least a word of English mixed with the Cebuano words.
Then an ironic thing happened at the trial. The stenographer
interrupted the proceeding asking for a proper English translation of
the man's statement. The court agreed upon a grammatically incorrect,
bad sounding, and simple translation. I wanted to tell them to keep
the man's statement, but I was only a spectator and had no right to
interrupt a legal proceeding. Yet I couldn't help but think that
future generations would never know about the true words the man
spoke. The records would show them a man who could not speak perfect
English when in reality he was a man who spoke perfect Cebuano.
I did not stay long at the trial. I left with a nagging thought:

The Cebuano language is under trial. Its judge and jury are its
speakers, and they will pronounce sentence upon its fate. Only time
will tell whether they let it die a slow death, or let it rise again
with new life.

*Formerly the national bird, the maya is a small bird with brown and
black feathers.
**I am referring here to the Philippine Eagle. It took the title of
"National Bird" from the maya on 1995. It stands at about 3.3 ft with
a wingspan of about 6.7 ft.
***Many a Cebuano has gotten culture-shocked after asking for the
price of something in Manila. Where they would get "diyes" or "singko"
in their respective provinces, they would get a "sampu" or "lima" in
Manila. They do expect that Tagalogs use the same words for money and
the number of things.

[Rye_Star]

[color=navy]^^Thank you for posting your piece, Rye.

My comments below are based on my personal knowledge, experience and opinions as a reader and writer.

I truly enjoyed reading your work. I learned a lot, how I'll explain that later on. It's a neat piece of writing, with little or no grammar and spelling mistakes at all. That show some care and maybe several revisions have been done to the work. Good, good.

I find your "The Marble Ring" to be a fine example of a written work using the stream-of-consciousness literary style where a character's inner thought processes are laid out for the reader. Also, your continuous use of imagery and allusions is intriguing. Good.

You use a lot of what Hemingway would call "10-dollar words", or according to Faulkner: words "that might send the reader to the dictionary." Fulsome, copacetic, palimpsest, lucent, fumarole, good words all but I just wonder were these really necessary for you to use?

All in all, I find "The Marble Ring" an intelligent article of literature, maybe too intelligent It's different and it's a challenge, like a sliding tile puzzle. I learned a lot from analyzing the purpose, hidden meanings and researching the references to the allusions in "The Marble Ring".

Rye, if you want to be a writer whose works would be called "enigmatic", causing readers to think and ponder on what you're writing about, you're well on your way.

My writing reflects who I am as a person. The stream-of-consciousness literary style suits me. I am highly self-conscious to the point that sometimes I have to argue with the voices inside my head. Lol. By the way, I read the previous posts-well at least some of them- where "emotional" writing was discussed. I think the more correct term for that literary style would be "confessional" writing. Confessional writing is the act of freeing or disgorging any objectionable emotion that oppresses. But with more finesse. It must not be debased in a way that it becomes a mere act of excretion (Read "EMO" music).

Yes those words you quote above are a bit unnecessary. But at the time of writing of that piece I was reading Baroque lit. One trend of Baroque writers was to exhaust the definition of a word, i.e., the dog, our canine friend, our animal companion, best friend to man.. etc. Paraphrasing a lot. they had a thing for redundancy lol. I admit, although reluctantly, I can not think of any purpose for those words (since you questioned them i got into thinking) if not only for pedantic ends. haha. With fumarole though I was trying to attach the image of a volcano with the guy character's mouth.

By the by, thanks for appreciating my writing.