Do you think I'm a bad Mother for my kids?

[Rider]

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Sis, napangutana ba nimo imong mga anak kung asa sila mas ganahan makig-uban? Sa imoha ba or sa imong in-laws. Para nako mao na ang mas importante kay mahayan gyud ka nila later kung gusto gyud diay nila sa imoha mouban bahala ug magkalisod.

[PURPZ LOCKHEART]

Bad or good our mothers then, they would always end up our mother still. I hope when you say a prayer to your mom on her death anniversary, you will truly give your full heart to her. You may not know it but only one person can you love best - your mother. Her affection and ways of loving you may not meet your standards. But believe me SHE LOVES YOU SO MUCH just like how much I love my kids. Cheers!

A few years down the road, you will look back in time. And you will see the consequences of the decisions you make today. There is just no replacement for a mother's presence. You have to feel that in your heart Maam. But if you dont, then deprive your children of your presence. Just shower them with cards, texts, toys, and whatever that you believe will justify your chosen absence.

Maam, I would like to believe that I understand you. But I have had nightmares over what I have seen elsewhere in distant lands. Children literally torn away from their wailing mothers at gun point. This world is crazy and stupid.

I presume you are in a much much more comfortable place of the planet than those mothers I have seen. Put your self in their shoes for a few seconds and you will never part with your children ever again...even in thoughts!

Mr. Butong is abroad earning a pile of dollars and that is fine for fathers who are OFWs and seamen. As long as mothers remain here to be with their children.

Best of all, enjoy the world.

I am sorry. Mothers is an issue that touches me deeply. My mama's death anniversary is next week.. and I was an only child.

[PURPZ LOCKHEART]

]nahhh! gipahilak ko nimo ug balik. paita kadrama gud nako oi. hehe. they're not spoiled brats. both my son and daughter are god-fearing and smart ones. I guess somehow my constant talk and reminders helped them ra man pud to become better kids plus the fact that they have a good life. and as i mentioned in above post i have constant and open communication with my kids. and yeah, always i feel this emptiness inside me due to my separation with them.

I can't condemn you TS, maybe you're just affected because deep inside you there's a little place of emptiness. Maybe you, yourself know that as what the society is also concerned about, the kids should be guided by mothers, physically,psychologically,emotionally, as they grow up. This is really not a new situation to me, heard a lot of stories like this but anyway I will say my piece.

TS, you've just chose what's convenient for you(unconsciously) and for your kids. It's not wrong and it's never as right because we can never tell what kind of guidance they provide them. We can't tell you to get them away from their dad if you yourself know that you might not be able to provide them such needs that the other family can give.

Now, I got few questions here to clear up the story.

Are they both boys? Girl and boy?

Do you notice some "spoiled brat" traits in your kids? Are they materialistic? Yes I know kids wants a lot of things, but what I mean is, are they sometimes too demanding when they want something?

When you say communication, how often can that be? Do you get to see them or visit them anytime you want?

Does you kid tell you stories, secrets, or ask you some questions? They're teens, especially for a young girl who is very much comfortable with moms, they'll get to ask things about body changes and so on.


About the people telling you you're doing bad, it's their opinion, you cannot take that away from them. Now it's up for you to confirm if they are right or wrong.

Those kids you have, I think they can tell you what they want. How about try to talk to them, ask them if given a chance would they want to leave the life they have with their lola/lolo, so you can be together?

If the kids are doubtful, just explain to them why they are living with their dad. That's the most that you can do regarding that case.

And TS just an advise, even if your not living with them try to be present on those special occasions in their life. Don't miss anything as much as possible. But just to be honest with you, time might come that they will question you why you were never with them, one way or another. There's still time TS, save your money so you will be capable enough of providing them what they need. God bless.

[PURPZ LOCKHEART]

i let my son chose when he was 7 years old as laid down the cards to him on how it is to be if he choose to live with me. so he chose to be with his dad. my daughter was young then and she can't decide. i chose them both to be together with his dad at least they're still a family and me as the absent mom physically. i often talk to them everyday. but since i'm away in another country now i couldn't see them much enough as i used to.

Sis, napangutana ba nimo imong mga anak kung asa sila mas ganahan makig-uban? Sa imoha ba or sa imong in-laws. Para nako mao na ang mas importante kay mahayan gyud ka nila later kung gusto gyud diay nila sa imoha mouban bahala ug magkalisod.

[Baeybe_Bryce]

]nahhh! gipahilak ko nimo ug balik. paita kadrama gud nako oi. hehe. they're not spoiled brats. both my son and daughter are god-fearing and smart ones. I guess somehow my constant talk and reminders helped them ra man pud to become better kids plus the fact that they have a good life. and as i mentioned in above post i have constant and open communication with my kids. and yeah, always i feel this emptiness inside me due to my separation with them.

Then I think there's nothing to be worried about. Just guide them in any ways you can. It is at least acceptable that even if you don't sleep in the same house/room at least you can get to communicate with each other everyday.

And one thing, you actually have an option. Why not talk to the family of your ex-hubby about financial support. They should also understand that you want to be with your kids. Why was this not an option TS?

[farmboy]

You may not know it but only one person can you love best - your mother.

There you go maam. You said it best.

And that love begins by choosing to make your presence available to them...physically.

Listen to your heart.. you are mother, aren't you?

[butong101]

LOL! ... It's either you're an orphan or you grew up with irresponsible parents. It's not your fault, though, that you were raised in that environment. I don't think I am better than you pero choosing materialistic things over keeping your family together, to me, is insane. We all know times are hard pero it is also at this time that our values as the new generation of adults are tested. What kind of values do you think she's going to pass on to her kids?

And it's not even like she's jobless. Naa siya'y trabaho... And you can't say "mother figure" because she is the real mother.

Anyway, I've said my piece in this thread. Posting more will lead to arguments. I can see the TS is willing to listen to what we have to say and obviously there will be differing views so... Hope she can weigh and find the answer she's looking for.

Good luck to you, TS.

OT:

hehehehe... dili man unta ko mo reply ani but basin ma misinterpret ko.. no sir, i have a very close family ties, we are in an extended family living in a compound where relatives are easy seen, separate homes but placed in a compound.

you sound too mechanical sir w/ your inference regarding my personality. It doesn't mean im saying thaings and that things make of me. Its just that i've seen realities under my nose.. if that makes me insane then so be it..



P.S: speaking of values, kindly check the way you are responding too.. makes me wonder also, what kind of generation we are producing..

[PURPZ LOCKHEART]

haahaha now at least kakatawa nako. o lagi farmboy. my ways of loving my kids could be insane and different. yet, it doesn't mean i love them any less. it's just that certain priorities are put in sacrifice at the moment. if madato na kaayo ko and i can certainly afford to raise them on my own i would do so right away. ayt? karon kagidlay pa jud kaayo ko and i've remained single since i got separated from their dad so naningkamot pa intawon ko ug ako. i just can't afford to drag them in my condition nga galisud pud.

There you go maam. You said it best.

And that love begins by choosing to make your presence available to them...physically.

Listen to your heart.. you are mother, aren't you?

[farmboy]

Momi, sakit lageh ako ngipon..

do you want to see that in text? true mothers feel the pains of their beloved children.. even tootaches

Your kid comes home, with bruises on d face and the arms...

Will you be there to see them and ask: Anak, naunsa ka? kinsay nag away nimo sa skol?

do you feel that in text?

Momi, nice lageh kaau ako klasmet..katong gwapa nga seatmate nako.. kay gihatagan ko notes sa iya homework...

how do you transform the emotion in text?

ooh mothers.. where are you?

I guess I have said enough...

Bye Mommy.. Daddy is here now.. we are fine. text text lang nya ha.

[PURPZ LOCKHEART]

ahmm as i've mentioned in my previous post, my ex husband and his family won't support the kids if they are with me. that leads then to the decision of my handling the kids to my inlaws. i don't like to badmouth them but they are just different and narrow-minded. we are better now on each of our separate lives, it's peaceful this way.

Then I think there's nothing to be worried about. Just guide them in any ways you can. It is at least acceptable that even if you don't sleep in the same house/room at least you can get to communicate with each other everyday.

And one thing, you actually have an option. Why not talk to the family of your ex-hubby about financial support. They should also understand that you want to be with your kids. Why w as this not an option TS?