6-Day Poetry Scratch Pad Challenge

[Sol_Itaire]

I need you
-hypocrisy-

We sit down and talk
As i listen to your mourns
That you needed him

Tears fall down like rain
As i wipe them off your cheek
You quiver, shiver

I grasp tight your hands
I hugged you as tight and close
We stayed for a while

We held as i dream
My own tears fall secretly
I need you! Wake up!

ehem. murag tubag ni sa poem ni beyee

[beyee]

@ sol

lols... as i was rereading hypocrisy's poem, i totally agree with you,hehehe... hahayss... i should wake up from this melancholy... but only in pain moves me to write hehehe

[chicsxy]

"Endearment"
baby
honey
sweety
mighty
My baby and loving honey.
Courageous sweety and mighty.

[chicsxy]

spark....

sakto bah? hehehheh..my first time to make a 6 line poem...

[Sol_Itaire]

Tyburn

A six line poem consisting of 2, 2, 2, 2, 9, 9 syllables.

The first four lines rhyme and are all descriptive words. The last two lines rhyme and incorporate
the first, second, third, and fourth lines as the 5th through 8th syllables.


Example:

Inspiration

Sweetest
Warmest
Happiest
Prettiest
Shining in the sweetest, warmest face
There in lives the happiest, prettiest race.

ugh gi lisuran ko ani. too structured. mao ni ang labas:


Unlucky Girl Got Burned
by: Solitaire

Happy
Carefree
Nasty
Ugly
Yes, I was a happy, carefree Jill
Til I met that nasty, ugly Bill!

[beyee]

OT: hehehe... nice one sol if ikaw ako classmate noh, pirme jud ka advance sa ato homework hehehe... huna huna pa ko..

i'll be back

[hypocrisy]

@Sol_Itaire: hehe..diri nlng jud magpa hungaw. Sad.
@beyee: ok ra nah ui.. it is only when one experiences the most brutal of pain can he/she adore real happiness.. hehehe

i'll get back pa aning next piece..hehee

[Evening Spark]

@Evening Spark thanks for the feedback. much appreciated (newbie 'poet' here)

and here's my entry for Acrostic Poetry:


Heartache
by:Solitaire

Have you ever tasted the bitter pill of crying
Every time, for some time?
Absentmindedly staring at the wall, not knowing
Rivers of tears have fallen.
Thoughts of the past oppress, dashed hopes of the future overwhelm
All’s left is the present’s pain.
Comfort is the time you are asleep, albeit sobbing.
How will you navigate this long, dark tunnel whose
End you’re struggling to fathom?

Hi Sol:

Thank you for taking with this acrostic exercise. Wow, you have
an amazing pour out of emotions here. You did a splendid job.
Each line employs thoughts of heartache. Here are some notes
for you, you may wish to accept them or simply neglect.

1. Every time, for some time?
*** Try: Every time in your life?

2. Thoughts of the past oppress, dashed hopes of the future overwhelm
*** I am looking for the word "dashed" and trying to relate with "hope" but I couldn't see one. How about rewording "dashed" into "crashed" hope...

3. All’s left is the present’s pain.
*** You can safely avoid contraction, simply spell out "All is" and also showing possessive at "present's pain" can be confusing.

How about: All is left is the present pain and agony.

4. How will you navigate this long, dark tunnel whose
*** Try selecting other verb or adjective of "navigate" into "journey" or "sojourn" thus reading it like: How will you sojourn this long, dark tunnel whose

These are my favorite lines:
1. Rivers of tears have fallen.
2. End you’re struggling to fathom?

Everything else is fantastic. I suggest to read your piece out loud and then notice of some changes you want to apply in your work.

I have a great reading.

[Evening Spark]

I need you
-hypocrisy-

We sit down and talk
As i listen to your mourns
That you needed him

Tears fall down like rain
As i wipe them off your cheek
You quiver, shiver

I grasp tight your hands
I hugged you as tight and close
We stayed for a while

We held as i dream
My own tears fall secretly
I need you! Wake up!

Hi Hyp:
Thank you for posting an entry with this Haiku form.
You did a marvelous job in playing with the words
and thoughts. I see no syllabication errors and typos.
The scale of emotions grow stronger in each verse.
One thing I want you to suggest:

I've noticed some lowercase "i" in your lines.
That should be in uppercase all the time, no matter
where it is placed.

This stanza catches my emotions too strongly:

Tears fall down like rain
As i wipe them off your cheek
You quiver, shiver

*** The metaphor is appropriate.

Write on as always.

-spark-

[Evening Spark]

LIES
by Beyee

Living in your so-called 'sugar-coated' half-truths
Imaginative and so believable, with your
Evil eyes piercing through my soul
So painful and searing through my heart

Led me to this sick cycle, you trapped me
In constant fear and doubt
Ever wanting to break free from
Someone so cunning as you

Let go of me
I beg of you, please don't
Ever lure me into your trap again
So my heart can mend


05.05.09

Hi Beyee:

Great acrostics here and remarkable thoughts as well.
Although some lines do not have the same measure,
yet they don't give a dark shadow to your amazing piece.
No typos spotted and no major grammatical errors noticed
except that I didn't see any full stop marks (period mark)
in every fourth line on your stanzas.

The second verse is my pick.
You are doing awesome!