MY JOKES FOR EVERYONE

[psyd_1]

---

hahahaha...nice jokes...hehehe..

more pa beh para at least malingaw ta...

[maibe]

payter gid ni si santa mag pa joke oh..

hehehe

[tahbiapo]

hahahaha tanan lingaw!

[nolex]

The White Rabbit Hunt


  Nagbuhat ug exam ang agencies sa U.S.A. para mahibaw-an kung kinsa
  sa mga agencies ang pinakamaayo mag execute ug man-hunt. Ang mga
  participants mao ang:

  NYPD = New York Police Department, USA

  FBI = Federal Bureau of Investigation, USA

  CIA = Central Intelligence Agency, USA

  PNP = Philippine National Police, Phil (Special International Guest
  Participant)

  Usa ka puti nga rabbit ang gibuhian sa kalasangan.

  Each agency will be given three (3) months to find the rabbit.

  Una nga grupong contestant, NYPD.

  Nisulod sa lasang ang ilang search and rescue squad ug ang ilang
  S.W.A.T., ug gipalibutan ug mga police ang tibuok kalasangan. Ug
  diha, gipasulod ang ilang mga detectives, ug mga experto sa
  pagpangita ug mga nangawala.

  After 3 months, nanggawas NYPD sa kalasangan.

  Nag release sila ug press statement:

  "After 3 months of intensive search for the white rabbit, we regret
  to inform you that because the rabbit has a head start, it was able
  to elude our units, and was able to pass through our dragnet.

  The rabbit has escaped."

  Next ang FBI.

  Nisulod sa lasang ang mga FBI, uban ang mga sniffing dogs ug mga FBI
  Profilers ug aduna pay back-up nga mga helicopters. Naa pa gyud
  silay ilang kaugalingong mga experto sa pagpangita ug mga nawala.

  After 3 months, nigawas ang FBI.

  Nag release sad sila ug press statement.

  "After 3 months of looking for the white rabbit, we had some
  interesting leads.

  However, as we were closing in on its location, somebody must have
  tipped it off, and it was able to elude us by disguising as a deer.
  The rabbit has escaped."

  Next ang CIA.

  Nisulod ang CIA sa lasang ug tungod kay duna silay special powers to
  request assistance from the US Military, gidala nila ang US Army,
  Green Berrets, US Navy Seals ug mga US Army Rangers. Hoooaaahh!!!

  After 3 months of firefight, bombing, and special operations,
  nanggawas ang CIA sa lasang.

  Ingon sila sa ilang press statement,

  "We used everything at our disposal. We didn't leave any stone
  unturned. We bombed everything in sight. I'm sure, you will not find
  any rabbit there anymore.

  He's probably scattered all around the forest in tiny little pieces!"

  Last, but not least, the PNP.

  Nangatawa ang tanan kay ang nanulod sa kalasangan lima ra ka PNP.
  Lima ra may nakakuyog nga PNP delegates kay nanguyog man ang 30 ka
  senador, 60 ka congressmen, ug 150 ka mga aides nila.

  Pero na shock ang tanan kay the next day nanggawas ang PNP.

  Nagdala ug grizzly bear nga giposasan, hubag kaayo ang nawong, hiwi
  na ang ilong, ang right nga mata sarado na sa kahubag, ang wa-it
  nagkadugo pa ug nag sige ug siyagit.

 


"O LAGI SIR! O LAGI SIR!!! AKO ANG WHITE RABBIT!!! AKO ANG WHITE
  RABBIT!!!"



[i] faeta, gitorture d i to...

[mavanz]

hehehe nice jokes...

all in one pa jud hehe

[WinFlo]

:mrgreen: nagsakit ako tiyan ug kinatawa

[feland]

nice ang collection sa jokes...... :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
ug mao ni ako favorite...

Mama: Anak dili ka manguyab sa mga dalaga ning baryoha
ha kay puro imong paryente.
Anak: O ma!
Mama: O ngano tutok man ka sa baka?
Anak: Mama sad oy hasta baka akong paryente?

....ganahan sad ko sa hunt for the white rabbit.....

[monrose29]

Titser: Juan, use DOES in a sentence….
Juan: Maam, the carabao doesmag the tree!
Titser: What? What?
Juan: Matabang nimo ug huwat nga nadasmag na!


da best

[mavanz]

hahaha kataw-anan kau bai monrose

dili na jud na ma huwat hahaha

[nolex]

Katawa sa ta ninyo!! here's some more.. =)



================================================== ==================================================
================================================== ==================================================
================================================== ==================================================


Cebu City National Science High School, 1998, English Class:

Teacher: I will read the sentence, repeat a word, then give me the root
word of the repeated word. "Isaac Newton discovered gravity." The word
is "gravity".

Students: Gravity.

Teacher: NO! The root word of gravity is grave!

Students: Dili raba Ma'am, gravity kay noun mana siya...

(After much argument)

Teacher: Ay, class sorry. I made wrong.

================================================== ======================
===

This is from Wowowee (noon time game show).

Bigatin time:

Question: Kung ang whistle ay pito, ano naman ang whisper?

Bigatin 1: Modess!

Player: Napkin!

Bigatin 2: Sirbato!

================================================== ======================
===

August 1, Ayala Center Cebu Terminal, Cebu City.

Naay Amerikano nga nagtanaw-tanaw sa jeep nga hapit na mapuno.

Konduktor: Bai, sakay ka?

Kano: (Wa kasabot)

Konduktor: Aw wa man diay ni kasabot. Bai, unsay english sa sakay?
Visit? Arrive?

Tambay: Ambot!

Konduktor: Aww...hey Joe! Hey Joe! You wanna sakayize here?

================================================== ======================
=======

7.27.07, sa among boarding house:

Nanawag akong boardmate sa iyang uyab. Mama sa iyang girlfriend ang naka
tubag sa phone..

Boardmate: Hello? Good night Ma'am, naa si Julie?

================================================== ======================
=======

4:00 AM, on board a 10K Jeep to Pardo, Cebu City:

Nakatupad ko'g mag-uyab who were both working at a call center. They
were arguing about something.

Girl: I know what you did! I know people from your account. They tell me
things.

Guy: Huh? Babes, I woke up late. That's why I was late. I even called my
Supe. You ask her!

Girl: Why are you defensing yourself

================================================== ======================
========

Radio interview, Cagayan de Oro, 12:25 pm, July 27, 2007:

Announcer: Sa imong tan-aw Misis, unsa gyud kaha ang hinungdan nganong
gipakatap man sa maong foreigner ang imong mga hubo nga hulagway sa
internet?

Misis: Wa gyud ko kasayod ngano iya man gi-post ang akong mga PECS sa
internet. Wa gyud ko kabalo unsa gyud ang iyang motiff.

================================================== ======================
========

PLACE: Matina Aplaya, Davao City
DATE: July 22, 2007
TIME: 7:00 pm

Ako: Gusto jud ko magtake ug glutathione para muputi ko.

Auntie: Unsa man na siya? Tambal?

Ako: Oo, pills man ata na siya...basta pampaputi.

Auntie: Ayaw jud ug pataka ug inom ug mga pills kay MAKA SIDE EFFECT
baya na!

================================================== ======================
========

Girl: Wow!!! Look at that, they look like small VOLCANS!

- Among amiga nga na-overwhelmed sa view sa Chocolate Hills.

================================================== ======================
======

Gasoline Station sa Banawa.

Gas Girl: Agay! Akong napaak akong dila! Number, number!

Gas Boy: Seven.

Gas Girl: Seven. A...B...C...D...E...F..G...kinsa man akong kaila nga
gasugod ug "G" ang pangan oi...

Gas Boy: Si Jun-Jun!

================================================== ======================
========

While nag-inom akong Uncle and iyang friend:

Friend: Unsay kurso sa imong anak, bai?

Uncle: Nursing, bai.

Friend: Maayo, kay demanding baya kaayo na karon!

================================================== ======================
========

Diri sa balay.

Si Mama ug akong manghod nga 4 years old nagstoryahanay...

Mama: Unsa man imo Kang? Coke o Royal?

Kakang: YOYAL lagi!

Mama (sige'g katawa): Unsa!?

Kakang (nag-duhaduha kung ilituk ba usab iyang gusto..): Coke nalang
oi!!!

================================================== ======================
========

ECE Acquiantance Party at Cebu Beach Club - July 22,2007:

Emcee: On your MARCH, get set, go!!!

================================================== ======================
========

July 13, sa USC-TC...

Teacher: Class, confidentiality is important. If naa siya TB, dili dayon
mu musulti sa uban tao nga naa siya'y TB. So, you have to be CONFIDENT.

================================================== ======================
========

At Dunkin Donuts:

Counter Crew: Ma'am, what's your order?"

Ma'am: Uhm, I want the...ano...kanang ham and cheese BANWIT.

================================================== ======================
========

July 20,2007, 7:45 pm, Mail and More, Ayala Center Cebu, Cebu City:

Asawa: Tilawi, lami gyud kaayo ni ang gipadala sa ako. Matcharilya gyud
ni. Mao gyud ning humuta.

Bana: Pilit-pilit man kaha nga murag lanai. Ana gyud nang matcharilya
cheese.

Asawa: Matcharilya gyud!

================================================== ======================
========

Waiting in line at McDonald's, Ayala Center Cebu, Cebu City:

Korean Lady: Excuse me. What's the plural for mouse?

Pinay Student: Rats.

Korean Lady: Okay okay!

================================================== ======================
========

Sa balay, last week.

Nagsabot mi sa akong helper para sa surprise birthday party sa akong
anak. Sa dihang nangulit ang bata sa iya, naka tug-an siya sa among
plano sa iyang birthday. Ako gipangutana ang helper nganu nagsulti siya.

Helper: Sorry mam, wala jud tuyu-a. Na-SPLIT of the tongue man to.



================================================== ======================
========

Kaniadtong high school pa ko, sa amo eskwelahan sa Mindanao, tuig 1996,
Automotive subject...

Maestro: Ok class...this is a hammer. (gi-isa ang martilyo)

Classmate:: Sir, imuha na, sir?

Maestro: No. This is not mine. This is THE SCHOOL.

================================================== ======================
========

Master's bedroom in our house, Jakarta, Indonesia, July 17, 2007, 8pm.

My family and I were praying the rosary (we don't usually do this coz
we're not super religious but just started to implement it) and it was
my Dad's turn to read the mystery.

Mom: Basaha ang pifth sorrowpul mystery (gives my dad the prayer book)

Dad: The 5th Sorrowful Mystery is the Crucipication of Jesus

Mom: Buang, crucifixion oi!

Dad: Bahala na. Our Father...

================================================== ======================
========

USC Main AVR, July 17, 2007, around 6:00PM.

A line from a speech....

Girl: God gave my family a chicken chance...



================================================== ======================
========

Teacher: I will have a quiz on Monday, announced or unannounced.

================================================== ======================
========

Girl: Hoy...losyang na kaayu akong libro, mura na jud siya'g na
UNVIRGINIZED.

- A girl reacting after her classmate returned her NCP book.

================================================== ======================
========

Teacher: Our coverage for the exams will be from bank statement to
peeroll.

================================================== ======================
========

Delivery Room, sa usa ka hospital:

Anesthesiologist: Ma-hands up pa nimu imung tiil Ma'am?

================================================== ======================
========

R.O.T.C. Formation, University of San Carlos Talamban Campus, circa
1997.

Philippine Army Officer: Dismantle your M-16 rifle as fast as you can.
Afterwards, you MANTLE it!

================================================== ======================
========

Job interview overheard from the next cubicle.

Applicant: Yes, Sir. Can spoke English, Tagalog and Bisaya, sir.

Interviewer: What about others?

Applicant: Yes, can also spoke others, Sir.

================================================== ======================
========

Textmate sa akong amigo.

Girl: Wer na U?

Boy: Hir na ME.

Girl: Wer THE PET?



================================================== ======================
========

Duha ka bayot and a girl strolling at the Mall.

Bayot1: OMG! I love your scarf! Where did you get that?

Girl: (pa shy effect...) It's not mine...(pointing to Bayot2)...it's
HIMs.

================================================== ======================
========

At a store in BTC, 2 sales girls talking...

S1: Dhay, naa diay kay half-sister?

S2: Yup naa...naa gani sya sa amoa ron.

S1: Ai babaye diay imo half-sister?

S2: Oo, babaye...