just for laugh

[mom]

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, 'I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son.'

He answered, 'That's okay.'

'I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mum' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.'

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, 'Goodbye, Mum.'

The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day,
he went to pay for his groceries.

'That comes to £121.85,' said the clerk.

'How come so much ... I only bought 5 items..?'

The clerk replied, 'Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too.'

[mom]

Men Are Just Happier People ...


NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah .
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from Farmers.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument..

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing

[mom]

A little Christian humor

This is one of the best clean jokes I've seen in awhile!

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better
on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was
tired
of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to
set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will
judge who does the better job.'

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports

They did e very job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed
across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power
went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known
in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their
computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from
the past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate.

'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all
his work and I don't have any?'

God just shrugged and said,

JESUS SAVES

[mom]

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.


He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:


I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.


I want her to know what I go through.


So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.


Amen!'

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.


The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.


He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,


Set out their school clothes,


Fed them breakfast,


Packed their lunches,


Drove them to school,


Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,


Took it to the cleaners


And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,

Went grocery shopping,


Then drove home to put away the groceries,


Paid the bills and balanced the check book.


He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.


Then, it was already 01P.M.


And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,


Dust,


And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.


Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.


Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.


Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.


At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper,


He cleaned the kitchen,


Ran the dishwasher,


Folded laundry,


Bathed the kids,


And put them to bed.


At 09 P.M .


He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.


I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.


Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.


Amen!'

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:


'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though.


You got pregnant last night.'

[mom]

BLACK ROBBERS (A True Story)

This would have to be one of the best emails I've ever read....

For anyone who didn't see the episode of David Letterman's show where this story was told, read this: (And remember it's a true story...)

On a recent weekend in Atlantic City , a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine.

She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room.

But first she wanted to stash the quarters in her room.

'I'll be right back and we'll go to eat' she told her husband and carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.

As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard.

Both were black. One of them was very tall and had an intimidating figure.

The woman froze. Her first thought was: 'These two are going to rob me.'

Her next thought was: 'Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen.' But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her.

Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed.

A second passed, and then another second, and then another.

Her fear increased!

The elevator didn't move.

Panic consumed her.

'My God' she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed!

Her heart plummeted..

Perspiration poured from every pore.

Then one of the men said, 'Hit the floor.'

Instinct told her to do what they told her.

The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on her.

'Take my money and spare me', she prayed.

More seconds passed.

She heard one of the men say politely, 'Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the button.'

The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out.

He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh.

The woman lifted her head and looked up at the two men.

They reached down to help her up.

Confused, she struggled to her feet. 'When I told my friend here to hit the floor,' said the average sized one, I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am.'

He spoke genially.

He bit his lip.

It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing.

The woman thought: 'My God, what a spectacle I've made of myself.'

She was too humiliated to speak.

The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket.

When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her to her room..

She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the corridor.

At her door they bid her a good evening.

As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter as they walked back to the elevator.

The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room; a dozen roses.

Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred-dollar bill.

The card said: 'Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years.'

It was signed: Eddie Murphy & Michael Jordan.

[jdimpas]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

[boibabs]

maka pwala mani ug duka...nindot ni basahon ing gabie...ahaha

[51PEGASIb]

Dimalas jud kaau ang pari!..dili man gud siya tig basa! bwahahaha

[intheb0x]

nice one! keep it coming...

[denzpabz]

i love reading this everyday! what a relief! keep up.