Levels of Relationship

[tikud]

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Personal: when you think of only for yourself
you like the girl/boy because .... I like him, I love him, I want him.
the "key" word is "I" .... every decision you make is based on what you want or what you desire.
You opted to court the girl/boy because of your personal preference.
You made the decision to be with her because YOU wanted him/her.
You want to watch the movie because you like it yourself.

Two persons who get into a relationship have mutual understanding that their personal preferences
are satisfied or their desired "personal" traits are met
The boy courted the girl because he sees her as beautiful, tall, smart, etc. etc. etc.
The girl says "YES" to the boy because he is tall, dark, handsome and rich .... etc. etc. etc.

All decisions are based on personal preferences.


NOW HERE COMES THE NEXT LEVEL:

Inter-Personal:
Any scenario that influences your decision, emotions or actions by your partner.
She wants red but you want to have a blue shirt.
He wants to watch a movie she wants to watch ballet.
You want it Saturday but she need it to be Sunday.
She says you do it in her house but you want it to be in your Apartment..
She wants this but you want that, etc. etc. etc. ....... but hey! your Personal level of relationship is over.
So you discuss things with him/her and agree, or agree to disagree or both and settle things.
Communication and Understanding is crucial in this level of relationship to grow.
No sliding back. So the "I" is gone and now its "US" to move forward.

Now you agree in almost all things and you decided to get married. Now, your Inter-Personal relationship
goes up to the next level.

SOCIAL:
I will not make long intros but will go directly to the point.
We are social beings and our lives revolves around the lives of others.
No matter what we do, there are decisions we made because of others.

you agreed with your wife to have dinner but your mother-in-law called up and asked your wife
to drive her to the mall.
Husband wanted to play basketball and wife agreed to watch with the kids but hey! you're friends called and asked you to join their badminton.
Couple decided to stroll sunday with family to ayala, but father-in-law needs to be brought to the Doctor for check up and no one can drive but the husband.
The couple decided to have LUNCH, but BOSS called for a working lunch meeting.

We can make a long list of events where the couple has agreed to do something or have decided on a matter but is derailed/changed/cancelled because either its the husband/wife friends/family/job is involved and have caused "away" and has to be resolved.

the 3 levels of relationship has to be managed with great effort and skill otherwise
this will cause break-up or great misunderstanding.

Share your experiences and Share to us how skillfully you handled the situation.

[palanggako123]

this is very informative..a good guide to a long and lasting relationship..

well, i haven't reached level 3 though..all my relationships ended in level 2..too bad!!

[r51d3r19]

nice post TS. very practical and true nowadays

[tikud]

It's not only true to relationship but this is also true to our daily lives and work.
When you choose a work or a job you never asked the employer what they want.
You applied the job because you like the title, the responsibilities, the benefits and the pay.
When you were hired the company did so because they see what they want and what they need. Not because you need them or wanted them. All are still in the Personal Level of Management.

But when you start to work already, the inter-personal level of management will sink in.
You want a day-shift but your employer needs you to report on the 3rd shift. you agree or you seek compromise. A long list of examples i can write but this is self explanatory. This relationship with your Boss or employer should be in harmony sometimes sacrificing your wants or your needs. If this will not be met, mo RESIGN gyud ka or you will be FIRED. jUST LIKE any other relationship, mag buwag and mag uyab kay dili mag ka uyon sa inter-personal level pa lang daan.

now the 3rd level involves clients already. you love your job, you like your boss and your boss likes you.
you agree in almost all your wants and compromise some things to have a good relationship with your employer. But when outside demands will engulf you and you can't take it.
Clients are too way demanding if not abusive, Corporate colleages stabs your back, what will you do?

Again, just like any other relationship not all marriages were broken because both fall out of love but because of they were not able to manage well the 3rd Level of Relationship, the ability to deal with the demand of others.

[teleconmax]

Friends to lovers what we prefer...

[tikud]

Friends to lovers what we prefer...

make your partner your best friend, you will never ask for more.
Here is my favorite poem about Friendship.
A very model of an Inter-Personal Relationship that strives to adopt his/her personal level.
understanding one's self and self-love gives a solid ground to be loved and to love others.

What is a friend? I will tell you.

It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with him. He seems to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. He does not want you to be better or worse. When you are with him you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you. He understands those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With him you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities and, in opening them up to him, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of his loyalty. He understands. You do not have to be careful. You can abuse him, neglect him, tolerate him. Best of all, you can keep still with him. It makes no matter. He likes you - he is like the fire that purges to the bone. He understands, he understands. You can weep with him, sin with him, laugh with him, pray with him. Through it all - and underneath - he sees, knows, and loves you. A friend? What is a friend? Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself.

C Raymand Beran