Tatay: bagsak ka na naman! Bat di mo gayahin si Pedro? Palaging my honor!
Anak: unfair naman kung ikukumpara nyo ako kay Pedro!
Tatay: bakit naman?
Anak: matalino kaya tatay nun!
*
student nahuli my kodigo.
Guro: ano to ha?
Student: prayer ko po maÂ’am!
Guro: bat puro sagot naman?
Student: wow! Nsagot na po prayers ko!
*
The most intell igent ‘presidentiable’
Miriam Santiago, has challenged the least intelligent presidentiable to a televised debate. To make things interesting, Miriam says that every time she asks Erap a question which he cannot answer, Erap has to pay Miriam five pesos. BUT if Erap asks Miriam a question which she cannot answer, Miriam has to give Erap five thousand pesos.
Miriam asks the first question: ‘What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?’ Erap doesn’t say a word, reaches for his wallet, pulls out a five-peso bill and hands it to Miriam.
Now, it’s his turn. He asks Miriam: ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’ Miriam looks at him with a puzzled look.
She whips out her laptop computer and searches all her references. She taps into the phone with her modem and searches the Net. Frustrated, she sends E-mails to all her aides, assistants, and friends. All to no avail.
After over an hour, she admits defeat and hands Erap five 1000-peso bills. Erap says nothing, but politely accepts the P5,000 and turns away to go home.
Miriam is a poor sport and demands from Erap, ‘Well, so what IS the answer!?’
Without a word, Erap pulls out his wallet and gives Miriam another five pesos…
*
Picknick sa gubat si Juan at Pedro, naunang naglakad si Pedro, si Juan naman ay may umihi sa damuhan ngbiglang may tumuklaw na ahas sa kanyang T*T*.
Juan: Pedro, tulungan mo ako!
Pedro: Oh bakit, aong nangayri sayo?
Juan: Natuklaw ng ahas yung TT ko!
Pedro: Sige, sandali lang akin na cellphone mo at tatawag ako ng doktor.
kring kring
Doc: Hello, sino to?
Pedro: Dok, tulong po, natuklaw ng ahas yung kasama ko..ano pong gagawin ko?
Doc: Ganun ba? bigyan mo ng paunang lunas yang kaibigan mo.
Pedro: Paano po?
Doc: Sipsipin mo yung natuklaw na parte sa kanya hanggang sa lumabas yubng kamandag.
Pedro: Ah ganun po ba dok? sige salamat po.
(pagkatapos ng ilang minuto, bumalik si Pedro kay Juan)
Juan: Oh, anong sinabi ng doktor?
Pedro: mamamatay ka na raw.
*
dalawang bagong mag syota (first date)
babae: honey ang sarap pala talaga ng first kiss! di ko malilimutan to.
lalake: sabi sayo eh! di naniwala kana! 1st time mo pala?
babae: oo! (buong pag mamalaki)
salamat ha, ngayon lang ako nahalikan, kasi yung una kong mga naging boyfrend *** agad eh...
*
The Wedding Test
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for
over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little
thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts,
and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was
near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate.
Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to
me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and
committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in to total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last
wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I
stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the
front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all
clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very
happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better
man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
*
BOY: Miss, laro tayo Plants vs Zombies..
GIRL: Pano, eh wala ka naman computer?
BOY: Plant ako, tapos Zombie ka, habang kinakain mo ako, tinitira kita!
*
Manghuhula: Sorry Misis, but your husband will meet a violent death.
Misis: Alam ko po ‘yon, ang gusto kong malaman kung maaabsuelto ba ako?
*
Umuwi si mister nang 4:00 AM at nakita niya ang kanyang misis na may
katalik na lalaki sa kama .
Misis: (sumigaw) SAAN KA GALING?!
Mister: Sino ‘yang katabi mo?
Misis: GRABE KA! HUWAG MONG IBAHIN ANG USAPAN!
*
Natira ko na nanay mo!!!
May dalawang lalaki sa isang bar, nag-iinuman.
Lalaki 1: Hoy! Natira ko na nanay mo!!!
Hindi kumibo si Lalaki 2.
Lalaki 1: Hoy! Hindi mo ba ako narinig? Sabi ko, natira ko na nanay mo!
Lalaki 2: Lasing ka na. Umuwi na tayo tay.
*
What is the difference between a girlfriend, a call girl and a wife?
Sagot: Post paid, pre paid, unlimited.
*
Do you know INNER ROW?
What is INNER ROW?
Inner Row is that which comes before Pibrerow, Marsow, Abril, Mayow….
*
Sa isang classroom…
Titser: Class, what is ETHICS?
Pilo: Etiks are smaller than ducks.
Titser: Okey, that duck will lay an egg in your card.
a bunch of jokes
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