Juan and Pedro Jokes...

[em_b]

---

mao jud. kataw-anan lang gihapon. bisan uroy ang uban gabalik balik na natog basa. hehehehehheheeh. more more more

[dkiams]

tagalog renting a room on the first floor...

Tagalog: hoy ano ba kayo djan! ang ingay-ingay nyo! hindi ba ninyo iniisip na may nag upa dito sa baba?

Pedro(on the second floor): aw, pag upa lang gud mog inyo diha kai mag jerjer pud mig amoa diri!!

[stew_griff]

PEDRO:dok ani ako para magpa vasectomy
DOKTOR: oi pedro, di raba lalim ang mgpa vasectomy, nagsabot namo sa imong misis?
PEDRO:oo dok, uyon siya.
DOKTOR: imong mga anak?pabor ba sila?
PEDRO: oo dok, 18 ang pabor, 2 ang nisupak

[chebs]

JUAN: pedro, biliba nko sa akong iro oi...
maoy mokuha sa newspaper nya ihatag nko para basa..
PEDRO: kahibaw naman ko ana
JUAN: kinsay nagsulti nimo?
PEDRO: akong iro.....nyahahahaha.....

[devilsburger]

c pedro nangumpisal ug usa ka pari

pedro: father...unsaun man naku pag sulod sa langit bisag unsaun, bayut man jud ko..

father juan: d na gyud ka kasulod dong pedro...

pedro: ka unfair gud ni Lord...cge..kung mao na sa rainbow nlng ko mag slide2x!!!!

father juan: nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

hahahaha maboang ko cgeg katawa ani..^_^..

[em_b]

hahahahahahahaha. way paglubad na mga pedro ug juan jokes.

[jaimpol]

Nasali si Inday sa Deal or No Deal
Kris: Magandang gabi mga kapamilya, sa gameshow na ito importante ang sagot
sa nag-iisang katanungang Deal or no Deal. Ang ating player ngayong gabi ay
walang iba kundi ang fastest-rising household services manager na si Inday!


[umentra si Inday at nagpalakpakan ang mga tao]


Kris: Ok Inday, choose a briefcase.


Inday: Kris, I would opt for case #4 please.


Kris: Briefcase # 4… si Sharmel. Inday, matanong ko lang, how did you come
up with the number 4?


Inday: Oh, do you really want to know Kris?


Kris: Oo naman. I’m sure kaya ko naman maintindihan yung sasabihin mo eh.


Inday: The number 4 was acquired based on a probability distribution
function that involves integrating up to an area greater than or equal to
that random number which should be generated between 0 and 1 for proper
distributions.


Kris: Syet. tanong tanong pa kasi eh.


---------------------------------------
Kris: Ok Inday, choose 6 briefcases to open.

Inday: I would opt for 7, 24, 12, 2, 15 and 20.

Kris: Wait lang Inday, usually isa isa lang ang pagbubukas natin ng case…

Inday: Why is that? As if I can change the outcome if we’re to open a case
each time I blurt out a number as opposed to opening each case immediately
one after the other right?

Kris: Hayyy…babaguhin pa talaga mechanics (bulong sa sarili).

Kris: Anwyay, di bale na lang nga… tuloy tayo. Number 7 . Natalie buksan
na!!
[Yung audience sumisigaw ng LOWER!! LOWER!!!]

Kris: Teka lang, bago natin buksan… Inday, usually ang mga contestants
naten ay sumisigaw ng “LOWER” every time magbubukas ng case.

Inday : Kris, I guess that’s not the way I was taught in grade school. You
see, I was taught that we should only use the comparative form of the word
or add “ER” to the adjective if we are comparing two things. And since it
is only the first briefcase that we are going to open, we have nothing to
compare it to. Am I right?
[natahimik ang audience at napaisip]

Kris: Oo nga no!
-------------------------------------
Kris: Sige Natalie, Buksan mo na.

[Ang laman ng briefcase 7 ay Piso… Palakpakan ang mga tao]

Kris: Good start! Ano yung next case mo ulit?

Inday: Case number 24 please.

Kris: Chloe… buksan na…

[Audience sumisigaw ulit ng LOWER!! LOWER!!]

Kris: Wait lang guys, Inday may nabuksan ng case baket di ka pa rin
sumisigaw ng “Lower”?

Inday: Oh my goodness Kris, how long have you been doing this? Have you
ever encountered a value that is lower than a peso in this game? Tell me,
is there any value left lower than the one we just opened? Sheesh.
[Napaisip ulit ang audience at natahimik]

Kris: Aarrgghh!!!! Chloe buksan na lang nga, pati na rin yung 12, 2, 15 and
20 buksan na rin para matapos na. [naiirita na]
[At sunod sunod na ngang nabukas ang mga case ni Inday]
[nag-ring ang phone]

Inday: Ahh Kris, to save more time can you tell Banker that I’m not
interested in his first offer. In the history of this game of chance, I
have yet t o see someone accept a first offer from the banker. It’s quite
pathetic and pretentious for contestants to pause and look around the
audience as if asking for advice before ultimately rejecting the first
offer. I mean come on, isn’t that a waste of airtime?

Banker: Potahhh!!! [narinig sa set kahit sarado ang kwarto ni banker]
- Ito ang unang pagkakataon na marinig ng mga audience ang boses ni banker
sa Deal or no Deal.
---------------------------
Kris: Ok Inday, mukhang kelangan na natin ng tulong sa mga friends mo… sino
ba yung bigotilyong lalaki na naka-polo? Ano name nya?
Inday: Ahh, that’s my master Mr. Montemayor.

Kris: Ahhh sya pala yun, how cute naman pala eh. Sige sir, give us a
number.

Mr. Montemayor: Hi Kris, good evening. I’m a fan. I choose number 22
please.

Kris: Ano Inday ok ba yung number 22?

Inday: Whatever, we shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds us anyway. Go ahead.


Kris: [taray naman] Sofie, buksan na!
[ang laman ng briefcase 22 ay 5,000]

Kris: Good job! Sino naman yung gwapong lalake na naka jumper na katabi ni
Mr. Montemayor? What’s his name?

Inday: Ahh, that’s my on again off again boyfriend, Dodong the gardener.

Kris: Ooohh, sya pala yun. Ok Dodong, give us a number!

Dodong: Hi babes, I choose briefcase 9 if it’s ok with you. If not, it’s ok
with me as long as it’s ok with you.

Kris: Ano raw? Inday, number 9 daw ok say0?

Inday: Yes Kris, it’s fine with me.

Kris: Wow ang bait pag kay Dodong. Ederlyn… buksan na!!
…nanlaki ang mga mata ni Inday at hindi sya makapaniwala. Natahimik at
mukhang kakapusin sya ng hininga…

Inday: YOU!!! How dare you invade my moment!
[nagulat si Kris at ang mga audience sa reaksyon ni Inday. Nagpatawag si
Kris ng commercial break at nagpakuha ng tubig para kay Inday.]
----------------------------
Ederlyn: Pinapangako ko, Inday… pagbukas luluhod ang mga tala! hahahahaha!
Inday: What? Can you speak up? What are you mumbling up there. Can somebody
give her a microphone please?

Kris: Ano ba!! Tama na nga ang drama ninyo, Ederlyn buksan mo na ang case
at umexit ka na kung ayaw mong mapalitan! (naiirita na si Kris)
Dali-daling binuksan ni Ederlyn ang briefcase at ang laman ay… P3,000,000.
Nanghinayang ang mga audience… Ang mga natirang values ay 250, 1K, 20K,
50K, and 500K.

Inday: NooOoo…. (sabay tingin kay Dodong at napapaluha), how could you…
Dodong: I’m so sorry Inday, please forgive me.

Kris: Hayyy, drama again. Ang offer ni banker sa pagbabalik ng Kapamilya,
Deal.. or No Deal!
[pagtapos ng commercial break… mukhang composed na ulit si Inday]

Kris: Inday, are you okay? Ang offer ni banker ay 99 thousand pesos . ‘Sing
rami siguro ng pilipinong pinadugo mo na ilong. Is it a Deal or No Deal?
Tahimik lang si Inday tilang may kinocompute sa ulo habang ang mga audience
ay nagsisigawan ng “No Deal”, ang iba naman ay “Deal”.

Kris: Wait lang, kung mapapansin ninyo we have only have 5 cases left, and
among those 5, apat doon ay mas maliit na value…

Inday: Kris, do you mind? Can I do my own thinking?
Natameme si Kris, pati ang audience ay natahimik.

Kris: Taray to the max! (pabulong sa sarili)

Inday: Ok, I’m ready. Upon looking at the reality of the situation, 80% of
the cases left have at least 49K less than the banker’s offer. The only way
I can do better than what is offered is that if my case contains the 500k
or I’d get to open one of the four lower values. But I have to keep in mind
that there’s only 20% probability that this would happen. I have to take
note, however, that the banker’s offer is roughly around 15% lower than the
offer I expected based on the arithmetic mean of the values left.

Kris: Lorddd… panaginip ba ‘to? Ayokonaaa….
Inday: Accepting a deal for less than the mean should generally be regarded
as a weak decision so I would say, NO DEAL!
-----------------------
Limang briefcase na lang ang natitira at kasama na doon ang case ni Inday…

Kris: My God, nakaka-stress itong episode na ito ha. Baka dumugo na rin ang
ilong ko sa’yo Inday. Sige Inday, go ahead and choose 1 briefcase!
Inday: Ok Kris, I choose briefcase #5 please?

Kris: Briefcase #5! Mimi bago mo buksan yan I would first like to thank
Figliarina by Schubizz for my sandals, Bambi Fuentes for my hair and
make-up and Pepsi Herrera for my gown tonight.

Kris: Ok Mimi, buk…
Inday: Ahh Kris, can I also take time to thank a few people? I mean, I did
save us a few minutes of airtime right?

Kris: ( “kapal naman talaga ng mukha”…bulong sa sarili ) Sige, ok lang go
ahead. (naka-smile pa rin)

Inday : Thanks! Yes, I would like to thank Frank Provost for my hair and
make-up, Jimmy Choo for my sandals and my dear friend Oscar dela Renta for
my gown tonight.
BLAG!! Tinumba ni Kris ang podium at nagwalk-out. Hindi na natapos ang show
kaya’t binigyan na lang ni Banker si Inday ng kalahating milyon para sa
kanyang oras.

Inday : Oh, and thanks to the people of Cartier for sending me these nice
earrings for tonight!
[Ito ang isa sa mga un-aired episode ng Kapamilya, Deal or No Deal]

[windshock]

si pedro ug juan gikan nag inom samtang naglakaw sa dalan...

pedro : pre juan hubog na jud kaau ko, hik!
juan : mao bitaw pre hik!
pedro : kita ka anang bulsita naa sa unahan pre?
juan : tae man na pre
pedro : dili na tae pre chocolate na
juan : tae lage na pre
pedro : para walay lalis pre mas maau atong tilawan
juan : ahh cge.
ug unya......
pedro : tsakto jud ka pre tae jud maau nalang gane wla nato matamake.

bwahahah sipata

[em_b]

hahahahahahahahaha. nice one inday

[ChaosOrb]

Pedro: Juan, nindot kaayo among leksyon sa eskwelahan. Gitudlu-an jud mi ug maayo pamatasan sa among teacher. Kanang GMRC bah.
Jaun: Unya kamao naka mo respeto sa imong isig ka.ingon ug sa mga tiguwang?
Pedro: Alangan! Amaw, gitudluan gani! Bogo jud!