Haaay Badtrip!

[yumi_0379]

hmm its kind of a difficult situation. f ur bf does really care especially now that ur pregnant he will give way and maybe can ask the kids to sleep sa sala with him.
do u have any communications sa iya ex wife? maybe u can talk to her and she can help work things out.
or let him introduce the kids to you as his gf.
or try to move out for few days lng so he can think and be firm sa imo gusto. dili sa tanan iya ang matuman. he should be considerate becoz ur pregnant.
or ngpakita lng tingali na sya kung unsa sya.mao jd tingali na iya batasan-inconsiderate. busa imo jd na dawaton nga ing ana sya.

[Blackjellybean27]

there is nothing selfish about wanting one of life's essentials. that is having a place to sleep. looking at the situation, i can't help but call your bf an a**hole really. And I am sorry I can't say anything about your situation because personally I do not know what it feels like to have a partner who has kids and have kids of my own on the way. but one thing is for sure, you are not the selfish one

Sometimes there is a free room or space sa other two rooms, like last weekend good thing busy mga people with "laag" so I was able to sleep in the other room. I'd like to explain as well that I can only sleep even for an hour or two in the other room, sa room of the person who's always giving up his room if ever they are here, so i can rest as well... i am not very comfortable in the other room, as in.... and believe me i try my very best to be comfortable in my situation... kng occupied ang room na i usually sleep in, then also try to sleep sa room na im not very comfy with.. the thing is, kng d ka comfy d jud ka maka sleep, even though you're very tired... so one time, i really ended up sleeping in the sala

that was the time as well na he texted our housemate (the one whose room i'm not very comfortable with) and he said naluoy daw sya nako.. and that was a saturday night... but the next day, sunday diri man gihapon nag sleep over ang kids.. and nag thnk ko, naluoy sya but he didnt do anything about it. he knows wla ko sleep, i slept sa sala.. etc..
whats worst k ang text back sa housemate ko k "dapat sya nalng unta mag give way" she meant me... and i felt really really bad because look what i have been doing... nobody understands me, and every misinterprets me.. ingana jud i guess ang ma think sa tao... which i hate...

that's why i keep assessing myself kng selfish ba ko..
thanks jimmy128 for your opinion...
i understand how hard it is to help me with this...

[eilrach]

lisura sad ani oi...

[Blackjellybean27]

hmm its kind of a difficult situation. f ur bf does really care especially now that ur pregnant he will give way and maybe can ask the kids to sleep sa sala with him.
do u have any communications sa iya ex wife? maybe u can talk to her and she can help work things out.
or let him introduce the kids to you as his gf.
or try to move out for few days lng so he can think and be firm sa imo gusto. dili sa tanan iya ang matuman. he should be considerate becoz ur pregnant.
or ngpakita lng tingali na sya kung unsa sya.mao jd tingali na iya batasan-inconsiderate. busa imo jd na dawaton nga ing ana sya.

there was one time i texted him while he was out with them and the night before as well, hey let me know if your kids are sleeping over, so i can arrange with other people kng asa ko mu sleep, and if wla free space then i'll sleep nalng sa sala.. that's my way of letting him know na i don't have anything against the kids ha.. like i said kasabot baya ko, those are his kids...
nag reply pod sya na "they're not sleeping over, k i don't want you to sleep in the sala".... so okay, thats fine.. pero d ko kasabot why the next month murag na wa nman ang ingon niya na he doesnt want me to sleep sa sala k i ended up sleeping sa sala jud, imagine almost one month jud ko na wla klaro na sleep k naa sila diri the whole weekend... (and of course i work weeknights so wla jud ko na sleep)
Sorry i am not friends with his ex wife, and although she has her own "man" naman, i prefer to remain in the background instead of letting his kids know na i am his gf... naluoy baya ko sa kids because i keep thinking na naa na gani lain ang mama nila, naa pod lain ang papa nila.. i dont want them to feel like they are unwanted or things like that..
so mao na guys i feel bad because everything i do para unta niya and for his kids jud... but it seems na ako lang nag suffer for this...

[Dee_Dee]

why hide the situation from the kids? sooner or later they will still find out.
if you & your bf both accepted each other, baggage and all..that includes the kids..right?
so..talk to your bf kung unsa gyud imo role sa mga kids niya. whether if your a new mom or stepmother or totally a stranger.

right now it seems your acting like a stranger to the kids..gisabot na ninyo sa imo bf?
if yes..why is it nga ikaw raman ga protect sa inyo sabot? if not..why are you doing this, nya ikaw na nuon ga problema?

[Klave]

my bf has kids, he's separated from his wife. and i live with him now.
to make the long story short, i always tell him to let me know ahead if he wants to bring his kids over so i can clear the room of my stuff.... i don't want to cause issues between him and his ex-wife... so of course naturally we can't let the kids know na naa diay sya ka live in na karon..

Confirmation lang...did your partner actually say that his children must not know of your relationship?

When his children suddenly arrives who are you then?

Are you staying at the master's bedroom with your partner?

How old are the children?...at least the eldest...

Why do they sleepover in the first place?

Akong advice will come after your answers to these questions. Thanks

[Blackjellybean27]

Confirmation lang...did your partner actually say that his children must not know of your relationship?

When his children suddenly arrives who are you then?

Are you staying at the master's bedroom with your partner?

How old are the children?...at least the eldest...

Why do they sleepover in the first place?

Akong advice will come after your answers to these questions. Thanks

*yeah we both agreed that the children must not know about us...

*when they arrive, we just act normally. actually, we're not the kind of couple who display PDA, even if the children are not around... we usually save our "moments" like hugs and kisses inside the privacy of our room (just trying to explain how we are as a couple). We live with 3 other people in a 3 bedroom house by the way.. so to them, i'm just a friend of their father. a close friend of course or something like that. no romantic displays of whatever...

*not necessarily the master's bedroom, but yes i am staying in one room with him. my clothes, and other stuff are in the room of course...

*the eldest is 10 years old

*why do they sleepover? this is a hard question. I'm not sure how to answer this bro. I'm not very sure why they have to sleepover in the first place. For one thing, he can see them anytime he wants. He can even fetch them from school during weekdays.. spend some time with them during the week... during weekends, they can spend as much time as they want here at home. in fact they live about 10-15 minutes away from our place.

one thing that hurt me the most was when he told our friend that i am the reason why he doesn't see them often. i was so shocked when i heard that, because NEVER NEVER NEVER (for emphasis) jud ko ni ingon niya na he can't see them. i don't even understand why he said that in the first place! it's like he just refused to understand me at all.. when i wrote him that letter telling him of my feelings, he told me i am so selfish. and i was so hurt when he said that because how can i be selfish when i give up my rest and room just so he can be with them. i give up my comfort for them. i don't understand how he can conclude that i am selfish. do you know that even though he has all the entertainment gadgets in our room (TV, DVD, PC, etc) I still make sure that i accomodate the kids downstairs by watching ultra boring cartoons and kid's show? and i don't complain. I NEVER complain. and i have to tell you as an only child and used to getting my own way and getting what i want, that is freaky hard to do.. so there, i don't understand why he was able to conclude that i am selfish...

[unban007]

ayaw pag paka martyr.. ka dghan diri single

[Blackjellybean27]

of course this is quite obvious, but I love my boyfriend so much. actually this is our only major problem. any other problem or trial we have, we can talk about them easily and solve them eventually. this is the only aspect of our relationship na d ko ka understand why lisod jud in the first place. is it because na misinterpret nya ko? or what?

last weekend he texted me while he was away with them (the whole day) and on their way home i guess, na the kids will be sleeping over and he says i hope it's okay... it took me a long time to reply because he knows obviously it's not okay, unya kng ingnan ko sya na it's not okay, he will misinterpret me again. after writing that long letter, explaining how hard it is for me and all, i just don't understand why refuses to understand.. when in fact he said, kasabot ko sa situation mo.. na hibong na jud ko sa situation ko.. what will i do? i try to assess myself jud, see if asa ko nagkamali.. lately, i don't even get mad ha even though i am so cranky k kulang jud sa sleep, k kapoy na jud ( i just cry when i'm alone and yes, i know it's not good for the baby and me but i can't help but cry alone nalng)...

it seems as if the more i explain my side in a way na he can understand the more he makes them sleep over.. last time na cge ko cranky and bad trip and cge ko sya awayon k d man lageh niya pa sleep diri for several months or weeks. karon na d ko na sya awayon and i talked to him in a mature way, nag turn pa ang situation in a bad way.. so pasabot niya dapat ko sya awayon para d sila mu sleep diri? ka bad ana oi. i dont want him to feel na i dont like his kids. because like i said i like them.. i just need my sleep and rest and my own room and comfort of my bed lang. it's not a want, it's a need. the lack of sleep is affecting my work during weekdays k i don't get much work done because i am so tired and am always late/absent from work lately..

[Klave]

@Blackjellybean27

Sis, lisud au predicament, and your answers narrows down the possibilities...and you are right you are not being selfish...rather I see some immaturity with the guy.

I think you must show him what you are actually worth, and one way is finding a place you can stay.

I asked question number 1 thinking that it was your idea but if your partner totally supports it then it rules out the possibility that he may be trying to introduce you as a mother figure to them. Apparently, both of you have communication problems, you don't handle major problems with letters, its gives too much room for excuses and misunderstanding. Talk it out properly, if you need to talk to your partner like a kid explaining every detail then you should.

A few more questions...

How active is the mother in attending to their children?

Are you totally sure both of them are NOT communicating?

Can you not be promoted to at least Girlfriend?

Where are the children staying if not sleeping over at your place?