A Comprehensive List of Web and Programming Languages to Learn

[jebz]

Not sure which programming language you want to learn? Don’t even know if you want to write software, develop websites, or enter some other sort of programming field? Well below I composed a list of the top languages you can start learning today:

Ajax = The #1 language of plumbers worldwide.

ASP = Stands for Arachnid Spider Presence. It’s the language used by electronic spider crawlers to weave the web together.

ASP.NET = Same as ASP, except the spiders are armed with nets they shoot out of their rear to assist with the weaving.

BASIC = Boot Camp for programmers, this is where they go to learn the ‘basics’.

C = Your language for average programmers, given they couldn’t earn a grade above C in school.

C++ = A really difficult and more confusing version of the C programming language.

C# = The musical implementation of C.

ColdFusion = The programming language of Nuclear Scientists and Astrophysicists, who often conduct and compile the code in deep space.

CSS = Short for Corrupt Schutzstaffel. Extensively used by Web Nazis to force old school webmasters to design within their standards. CSS has it’s roots in Germany, where Hitler used this language to plan the holocaust before World War II.

Flash = What female programmers do.

HTML = Abbreviated form of How-To-Make-a-Language. It’ll present tutorials and examples needed ro understand web programming and site creation.

Java = This language requires you to not only become addicted to coffee, but you must also learn how to code with it.

Javascript = Hollywood’s version of Java. Don’t forget that after you finish writing your script, you must submit it to every web director(y) you can find for approval.

MySQL = Stands for My-Station’s-Quick-Learner. My Network TV is a prime example of this language in action. See PHP for details.

Perl = A shortened version of pearl, commonly used by upper-class people to show off their wealth.

PHP = Short for Programming-with-a-Highdef-Priority. Geeks often use this method to to multi-task (ala setting their TiVOs and watching Television) when writing their code. Often used in conjunction with a station’s quick learner for creating efficient television programming schedules.

Python = The programming language of snakes. Learn it if you have a fondness for scales and slithering.

Ruby = The sister language of Perl.

Visual Basic = Just a more graphic and violent version of basic, see basic above.

XHTML = HTML on Steroids.

XML = An erotic markup language, basically used to create porn sites.

There you go, every programming language you need to know or learn, hopefully this list will help you choose a new place to begin as much as it did for me.

[agent_jbpotter]

imuha ra ning mga comments nu?
obviously, subjective kaayu imng mga comments..
and you are obviously a web developer
Obviously this list is biased and will not help people decide on what languange to choose.

here are my comments,

Not sure which programming language you want to learn? Don’t even know if you BASIC = Boot Camp for programmers, this is where they go to learn the ‘basics’.
C = Your language for average programmers, given they couldn’t earn a grade above C in school.
C++ = A really difficult and more confusing version of the C programming language.

C is for average programmers? C and or C++ is not for weak hearted people who considers themselves as "programmers", take a look around all things on your desktop , chances are that most was developed in C/C++, your OS (Windows or Linux), your device drivers, Firmware for your handheld games or your cellphones, all your favorite 3D games, web browsers, heck most of the "programming" langauge you mentioned was developed in C/C++.

Anbd where is ASM on your list? i think it has the right to be called (in your own words)
"The programming language of Nuclear Scientists and Astrophysicists, who often conduct and compile the code in deep space."

a combination of ASM and C, runs all "hadcore" development from a console on a plane or a shuttle upto
booting up your PC for your OS.

SOme "Programming" language in your list are not even a programming language, but a framework, scripting language, or a simple utility.

Always remember, theres always a fine line between an "Engineer and a mere programmer". Whatever the language is, if you know proper "Engineering" you can do anything on any language provided it is the right fit for the technology.
Example; you cannot bootup PC using AJAX right or design a firmware for cellphone using Java..

COmment lang ko kay this post might mislead aspiring programmers.

here my list instead;

if you are developing web applications;
- HMTL as basic foundation
- ASP or ASP.NET using (VB.NET or C#)
- PHP
- Java enterprise technologies(J2EE) like Java struts or JSP
* then use technologies such as
- AJAX
- CSS
- Java script
- Flash
- Silverlight

Desktop applications;
- Visual Basic
- C#
- C++ (Win32 or MFC ot any free UI framework such as QT)
- SQL
(NOTE: MySQL is a product name similar to MSSQL, ORACLE or SQLLite
SQL is the approriate tearm for this language.


Game development
- C/C++
- FLash action scripts


Mobile
- Windows mobile
- Java using J2ME
- Objective C (For iPhone Development)

Firmware and Device drivers
-ANSI C
- Assembly for specific processors

[softtouch]

You forgot Delphi in your list...

[pusang_iring]

Ga joke raman ang TS. Coming from a non-programmer, I don't take this seriously. But it's funny

[junkfactory]

Apple's WebObjects + Project WOnder (for building web applications)

[GetWebHost]

• Web Designing Skills
• HTML
• CSS
• JavaScript (don't be confused and separate AJAX here)
• PHP/MySQL (structural first, proceed to OOP, then use frameworks)

That's all you need if you're in Web Development. It could take a lifetime years to learn those listed.

[san_cristobal]

Im a programmer also... pero I think joke ra man cguro ang mga comments sa kilid sa each programming languages... shalle we call it satire?

imuha ra ning mga comments nu?
obviously, subjective kaayu imng mga comments..
and you are obviously a web developer
Obviously this list is biased and will not help people decide on what languange to choose.

here are my comments,



C is for average programmers? C and or C++ is not for weak hearted people who considers themselves as "programmers", take a look around all things on your desktop , chances are that most was developed in C/C++, your OS (Windows or Linux), your device drivers, Firmware for your handheld games or your cellphones, all your favorite 3D games, web browsers, heck most of the "programming" langauge you mentioned was developed in C/C++.

Anbd where is ASM on your list? i think it has the right to be called (in your own words)
"The programming language of Nuclear Scientists and Astrophysicists, who often conduct and compile the code in deep space."

a combination of ASM and C, runs all "hadcore" development from a console on a plane or a shuttle upto
booting up your PC for your OS.

SOme "Programming" language in your list are not even a programming language, but a framework, scripting language, or a simple utility.

Always remember, theres always a fine line between an "Engineer and a mere programmer". Whatever the language is, if you know proper "Engineering" you can do anything on any language provided it is the right fit for the technology.
Example; you cannot bootup PC using AJAX right or design a firmware for cellphone using Java..

COmment lang ko kay this post might mislead aspiring programmers.

here my list instead;

if you are developing web applications;
- HMTL as basic foundation
- ASP or ASP.NET using (VB.NET or C#)
- PHP
- Java enterprise technologies(J2EE) like Java struts or JSP
* then use technologies such as
- AJAX
- CSS
- Java script
- Flash
- Silverlight

Desktop applications;
- Visual Basic
- C#
- C++ (Win32 or MFC ot any free UI framework such as QT)
- SQL
(NOTE: MySQL is a product name similar to MSSQL, ORACLE or SQLLite
SQL is the approriate tearm for this language.


Game development
- C/C++
- FLash action scripts


Mobile
- Windows mobile
- Java using J2ME
- Objective C (For iPhone Development)

Firmware and Device drivers
-ANSI C
- Assembly for specific processors

[Badekdek]

BASIC = Boot Camp for programmers, this is where they go to learn the ‘basics’.

Flash = What female programmers do.

XML = An erotic markup language, basically used to create porn sites.

tsk2x bad cheetah

[andrew_ece]

Nice One!

[cliff_drew]

A Comprehensive List of Web and Programming Languages to Learn