Religion
* Taoism: Shit happens.
* Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
* Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
* Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
* Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
* Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
* Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
* Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
* Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
* Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
* Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
* Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
* Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
* Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
* Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
* Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
* Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
* Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
* Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
* Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
* Creationism: God made all shit.
* Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
* Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
* Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
* Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
* Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
* Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
* Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
* Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
* Mormonism #3: Crap happens (you can’t say shit in Utah)
* Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
* Wiccan #2: If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
* Wiccan #3: The Goddess makes shit happen
* Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
* Scientology #2: All this happens to be shit
* Scientology #3: If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you
* Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock Knock, Shit happens.
* Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
* Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
* Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
* Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
* Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
* Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half of the time.
* Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
* Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
* Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
* Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
* Agnostic #4: It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its shit or not.
* Agnostic #5: How can we KNOW if shit happens?
* Agnostic #6: You can't prove any of this shit
* Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
* Atheism: What shit?
* Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
* Amish: Shit is good for the soil.
* Amish #2: This modern shit is worthless.
* Anglicanism: It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.
* Bahaism: Why do you keep shitting on us?
* Baptist: You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
* Baptist #2: We'll wash the shit right off you.
* Southern Baptist: Shit will happen. Praise the lord.
* Charismatic Catholicism: Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.
* Mysticism: This is really weird shit.
* Orthodox: St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.
* Greek Orthodox: Shit happens, usually in three's.
* Shamanism: Whoaa...Holy Shit!
* Shintoism: You inherit the shit of your ancestors
* Sikhism: Leave our shit alone.
* Televangelism: Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening.
* Voodoo: Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
* Voodoo #2: Let's stick some pins in this shit!
* Voodoo #3: This shit's gonna get you
* Pagan: Shit happens for a variety of reasons.
Philosophies, etc
* Nihilism: No shit.
* Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
* Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
* Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
* Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
* Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
* Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
* Darwinism: This shit was once food.
* Capitalism: That's MY shit.
* Communism: It's everybody's shit.
* Feminism: Men are shit.
* Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
* Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
* Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
* Environmentalism: Shit is biodegradable.
* Marxism: The rich shit exploits the poor shit, but deep down all shit is alike.
* Masochism: Do shit to me!
* Sadism: I will shit on you!
* Realism: I think I need to take a shit.
* Surrealism: Fish!
* Avoidanceism: With all this happening, I think I'll go shit.
* Fatalism: Oh shit, it's going to happen!
Personalities
* Einstein: Shit is Relative.
* Heisenberg: Shit happened, we just don't know where
* Joseph McCarthy: Are you now, or have you ever been, shit?
* M.L. King: Black shit and white shit CAN coexist...
* Freud: Shit is a phallic symbol.
* Thales: Earth, Air, Fire, and Shit
* Epicurus: If shit happens, enjoy it
* Socrates: What is shit? Why is shit?
* Aristotle: The essence of shittyness…
* Archimedes: Hmmm… why doesn’t this shit float?
* Archimedes #2: Give me a place to stand and I’ll move any piece of shit
* DesCartes: I think, so why am I in this shit?
* DesCartes #2: I shit, therefore I am
* Leibniz (as interpreted by Voltaire): The best of all possible shit in this world made for shit
* Thoreau: I wanted to live deliberately… to suck all the shit out of life
* Sartre: Shit is meaningless
* Sartre #2: What is shit, anyway?
* Godel: It can be proved that it cannot be proved that shit happens
Originally Posted by bungot25
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