Joke Joke

[SioDenz]

---

Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na to, let's make love.

Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. maaga pa akong gigising bukas, buti ikaw hindi na.

************************************************** **********

Kriminal 1: Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?

Kriminal 2: Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito wala parin siya!

Kriminal 1: Sana naman wlang nangyaring masama sa kanya.

[pandahorde]

bro tig kaon kag mais??

corn man gud ang joke.

[SioDenz]

Nyahahaha... cge lan gud. Kinapi ra man sad na...

[mejie]

bro tig kaon kag mais??

corn man gud ang joke.

bwahahaha.. mas nakatawa ko ani.. wakikikik

[xavisimao]

Three women die together in an accident
and go to heaven.


When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"


So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.


Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.


St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"


The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.


The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.


She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.



St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

[xavisimao]

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many Kinds of boobs are there?'

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three Phases. In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm.
In Her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After50, they are like onions'.
'Onions?'
'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and Hard.
In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree'.
'A Christmas tree?'
'Yes --- dead from the roots up and the balls are just for decoration

[xavisimao]

Lumindol ng malakas noon. Nagkagulo ang lahat at nag panic!
Sigaw ng isang lalaki: "Katapusan na! Katapusan na!"
Sumagot ang isa rin lalaki: "Tanga! Akinse pa lang ngayon"

[xavisimao]

sa isang classroom.....
titser: class, ano ang iba't-ibang kulay ng saging?
juan: green, yellow, red and brown mam!
titser: may brown ba na saging
juan: eh ung sinaing na saging, ano yun FAKE?!

[xavisimao]

Pedro na-late sa klase?

Titser: Pedro late ka na naman!

Pedro: Late po kasi relo ko

Titser: problema ba yun? Edi i-advance mo!

Pedro: Opo?

Titser: O san ka pupunta?

Pedro: Mam, uwian na! =)

[xavisimao]

GF: Hayop ka, niloloko mo ako!
BF: Bakit, wala naman akong ginagawa ah!
GF: Anong wala? Nakita kita kanina, may kasama kang ibang babae, magkahawak pa kamay nyo! Niloloko mo ako!
BF: Makinig ka muna... hindi kita niloloko, maniwala ka... Yung kasama ko kanina ang niloloko ko