Best jokes ever..

[paparoy]

pwera gaba ni nga joke!

Operator: AT&T, How may I help you?
Pinoy: Hello. I would like to long distance the Philippines, please.
Operator: Name of the party you're calling?
Pinoy: I beg your pardon? Can you repeat again please?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, thank you and sorry. The name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquil.

Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, thank you. What is phonetically?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, thank you. The name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name phonetically,

Elpidio:
E as in Elpidio,
L as in lpidio,
P as in pidio,
I as in idio,
D as in dio,
I as in io, and
O as in o.

Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, thank you. Abanquel:

A as in Airport again,
B as in Because,
A as in airport again,
N as in enemy,
Q as in Cuba ,
U as in Europe ,
E as in important, and
L as in elephant.

[ecO | hArd^]

haha haha

[paparoy]

BOY: Di ba karon heart surgery nimo?

GIRL: Yeah.

BOY: Just remember that I LOVE YOU so much.

GIRL: I LOVE YOU more. Thank you.

After sa heart surgery, nahibulong ang girl kung nganong iyang papa ang naa sa iyang tapad.

GIRL: Dad, asa siya?

DAD: Wala ka kahibaw kung kinsa gahatag sa imu heart?

GIRL: Oh my God!

And the girl started to cry.

DAD: JOKE LANG! NALIBANG rah oi. Kaw sad noh!

[Pvt.ryan]

Up up up up.................

[gotnowheels]

A man went to a pet store to buy a guard dog for his wife...

Man: Hi, I want to buy a guard dog, can you please point out which of your dog is best for security?
Store Owner: I recommend Chewie! I'll sell it to you for $5,000.
Man: $5,000?! The dog is smaller than my cat!
Store Owner: Ha! You don't understand, Chewie knows how to karate.
Man: You must be kidding me.
Store Owner: Let me give you an example... Chewie! karate the chair!

The dog rushed to the chair and harrassed the chair into pisces.

Store Owner: Chewie! karate the sofa!

The dog rushed to the sofa and scartched and bite the sofa to shreds.

Man: You prove your point! I'll take the dog.

The man went home to present the dog to his wife.

Man: Honey, I got the best security dog for you.
Wife: Are you kidding me? That's the smallest dog I've ever seen!
Man: Honey, you don't understand, the Chewie knows how to karate!
Wife: What? Karate my a**!

[ecO | hArd^]

A man went to a pet store to buy a guard dog for his wife...

Man: Hi, I want to buy a guard dog, can you please point out which of your dog is best for security?
Store Owner: I recommend Chewie! I'll sell it to you for $5,000.
Man: $5,000?! The dog is smaller than my cat!
Store Owner: Ha! You don't understand, Chewie knows how to karate.
Man: You must be kidding me.
Store Owner: Let me give you an example... Chewie! karate the chair!

The dog rushed to the chair and harrassed the chair into pisces.

Store Owner: Chewie! karate the sofa!

The dog rushed to the sofa and scartched and bite the sofa to shreds.

Man: You prove your point! I'll take the dog.

The man went home to present the dog to his wife.

Man: Honey, I got the best security dog for you.
Wife: Are you kidding me? That's the smallest dog I've ever seen!
Man: Honey, you don't understand, the Chewie knows how to karate!
Wife: What? Karate my a**!

haha. time to find a new wife.

[maiden_asj]

(MAN SEATED NEXT TO A CHILD ON A PLANE, WANTED TO STRIKE A CONVERSATION.)


MAN: Let's talk.

CHILD: okey.. what would you like to talk about?

MAN: (making fun) How about nuclear power?

CHILD: very interesting topic, but let me ask you a question first.

MAN: what is it?

CHILD: a horse, cow & deer all eat grass.. yet deer excretes pellet, cow has flat potty & horse clumps. Why?

MAN: i don't know.





CHILD: do you really feel qualified enough to discuss nuclear issues when you don't know SH*T?


BOOM!!!
hehehehehe
umod si kuya..

[maiden_asj]

SA BIRTHDAY PARTY

BOY: Hi miss... I'm Roel Christian.. tawaga lang ko'g RC...


GIRL: ahhh.... ahhhhmmmm.... ako diay si Roxie..





Tawaga lang ko'g MANAGON NA!..



----BANG!!!

[maiden_asj]

(3 ka HUBOG misakay og TAXI)
Nakahalata ang driver nga sobra na sila kahubog.. Pagsulod sa 3, gipaandar sa driver ang makina ug gipatay ra dayun..


DRIVER: dia nata..

HUBOG 1: amung bayad oh.

HUBOG 2: salamat jod ha..


(nakuratan ang driver kay kalit lang syang gisagpa sa ika-3 na pasahero..)


DRIVER: nganong managpa man ka?

HUBOG 3: sa sunod ha...


di ka magpakusog og padagan ha!!



hapit ming tulo mangamatay sa kakulba!!


hehehehee

[maiden_asj]

TEACHER: kung may 100 ka at humingi ka ng 500 sa mama mo..
magkano na ang pera mo?


BOY: 100


TEACHER: Mali, di mo alam ang math mo!



BOY: Excuse me!!


di mo alam ang ugali ng nanay ko..



hehehehe