Recently, I've this strange feeling i have in myself and the saddest thing is i can't tell/share in any of my friends even i wanted too. So, I just write here, for me to share this kinda feeling of mine. But before that i will tell you y i can't share this to my friend because they don't know that i fall in love with a girl. I'm not a lesbian, I've a crush with a boy for almost 8 yrs and til now. It's just happened accidentally, to get so attached with each other, At first she just an ordinary acquaintance in my daily work in some place I've been assigned. It took 2 weeks before we, finally talked with each other and had a bit light conversation. Then a week after i got her number and exchange text messages. At first, its just a normal feeling of replying her text and so on. But longer than 2 months of staying and working in der place. She became the person that i wanted to talk most of the time. I feel her sincerity and care with her text messages and all. In my almost 3 months of staying and being with her its makes me fall for her a bit more. The time had come that i finally going home, she always say dat she gonna miss me. I consider her taught as a simple feeling of missing a friend just as that. The following days that i got home and back my normal routine. There are a lot of times that i think of her, missing her and not to let a day end without chatting and text her. At first, i think that its a normal feeling having those missing moments with her but d following day had passed she became the person i always wanted to have in each of everyday of my life. I always wanted to see her again, i find ways to resend myself to der place and i always tell her that i possible get back and she always tell me dat shes hopeful about it. But it was not happened coz i was send to other place ( sad to say). During of my stay doing with my work while having a chat conversation with her, she asked me when my last day of staying before i got back to my hometown den she asked me if we can meet before i went home den i said yes without any hesitation even i dont know how to went der. Den d day has come seeing her and having her again. We watch movie and roamed around the corner of the world. It was really really fun and right after we got back to her place and we fall a sleep. Lying beside her is the most perfect place where i should be. But then again no matter i wanted to stay, i still can't. So, I went home and leaving her again. But we don't stop on that, we still have the means of conversation. And right now, I been here again in der place. In my first day of being here, she is so excited and take note, she put on her status that i back in der hometown and for me i feel that she is really really excited of my come back and i was feel so flattered about it. It put a smile on my face while reading her status. Right after our meeting, i invited her for a dinner w/ my subordinates and she came and she gave me a kiss on the cheek in front of my subordinates. I feel like nothing..ahahah..joke but i feel really really amazing. On that time she held my hand and give me a light hug while walking along the strength. I let her feel that i miss her as much and having her again bring so much joy to me. In my first weekend she invited me to went along in der house and i bit hesitant because i can't leave my subordinates and she told dat i can bring my subordinates in der home as well. Den we went and i can feel that she really taking care of me. She let me see her world, her life style before we meet. I find her more and more amazing how i wish i could be a man of her but i know i can't. Honestly, i still hold my feeling to her, i'll try not to show it as often that she can noticed it more and more. Until tuesday night, from the first time of being here i didn't chat with her even a single words coz i don't know what to see her leaving, i was bit upset because she is not around in my few days dat i gonna be here. But before the day end, she buzz me up! said "psst"...den i smiled with her msg. and replied with her den she said to go with her and had a sleep over with her and a bit hesitant but deep within its bring so much joy and wanting, I said a big YES coz i know the d following days shes not around because of some important matters that shes dealing with. I went back to the office before i sleep over with her, i was little to late coz i still have something to finish that i cant leave my subordinates but i'll make a text to her, letting her know that i gonna bit late den she said dat she can still wait for me even more minutes. Then after a fewer minutes, i arrived and i see her waiting for me to come over. I'm a bit shy again and she does also. at first she joking me to go back and be with my subordinates den a fewer minutes she smiled. And when i get it oh everything was ready for me to sleep...ahehehhee... but before that we've talked with so many different things more discussion..share taught and share smiles and laughter. I hug and held her hands while lying until we fall to sleep. In the middle of the night i noticed that we our face is very with each other, i'll feel her lips already with my lips but i never attempt to move it or something then all of a sudden i pulled it back. and ignore it. den another instance our lips get close again. this time i attempt to touch her lips in just a single moment but after i pulled it back. im afraid of something might happened if i let it. I just hug her more and more and she did the same thing, she hug me back. and holding me so tightly. and feel so close with each other while lying. The morning had come, and still we are close and hug each other more often and she watch my hand holding her hands. and twist it so tightly. she lying on my tummy while i touched her head and make some massage. it was a perfect moment for me to her. how i wish dat it wil always be like that. But ders a big question of my head what are those things to her? its the same thing i taught or not? if she feel the same feeling i've for her? or its just a plain friendship treatment coz for me was not. I think im falling with her even i know it's a mistake and it's not a right thing to have but how could it be so wrong when all i feel inside s perfectly right? i know i cant kep this forever and i know that i will let go of this feeling coz i can't afford having this feeling and make it her life as complicate as dat. but i just want to know if she have d feeling that i've for her. dat it might be true in anyhow. coz it always stuck on my mind what all of those things mean about....
i know it's kinda eiw but it's true i fall in love with a girl in unexpected ways. But don't worry, this only for this i gonna stop it here coz i don't want her to be with this kind of relationship coz she's so good and dont have any plan for ruin her life. anyways.this gonna be so long...ahehehehe...
any violent reaction are welcome... give me ur point of view guyz..thanks...just wanted to have some talks in regard with this matter..
just wanted to share.... :)
Originally Posted by Cory1986
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