Do you think I'm a bad Mother for my kids?

[Sand Man]

OT: bilib gyud ko ani bai Sand Man oi.. kinsa imo psych bro.. si Margie noh? sya baya dean karon sa AS

Whatever happened to "walang iwanan" and "through thick and thin, I will always be there for you and protect you". Wa na ni ron mga "hitek" na panahon? "Praktikal" na ang mga tawo?

Going through rough times makes the bond stronger. If we've learned anything from life, it's that nothing is ever the same -- if she is hard-up now then things can only get better. Granted we don't know the whole story and she describes her ex-husband as 'bullshit' pero there are 2 sides to every story. If the father was actually a responsible person then well and good for the kids. Pero if the guy is what she actually describes him to be then it's sad she had to entrust her kids to someone like that.

Either way, I bet when the kids are all grown up they will condemn Ms. Lock here for deserting them.

[PURPZ LOCKHEART]

oh my!!! why do you have to be all this smart and full of insights? naluya jud ko. hahahaaha. walay binuang i'm crying while reading and typing my replies. i'm torn between two opposing views. coz maski dili ko ganahan sa mga views ni farmboy ako maimagine ang akong mga anak that they might think like him. and butong101 speaks my thoughts. paita!!!

[farmboy]

A few years down the road, you will look back in time. And you will see the consequences of the decisions you make today. There is just no replacement for a mother's presence. You have to feel that in your heart Maam. But if you dont, then deprive your children of your presence. Just shower them with cards, texts, toys, and whatever that you believe will justify your chosen absence.

Maam, I would like to believe that I understand you. But I have had nightmares over what I have seen elsewhere in distant lands. Children literally torn away from their wailing mothers at gun point. This world is crazy and stupid.

I presume you are in a much much more comfortable place of the planet than those mothers I have seen. Put your self in their shoes for a few seconds and you will never part with your children ever again...even in thoughts!

Mr. Butong is abroad earning a pile of dollars and that is fine for fathers who are OFWs and seamen. As long as mothers remain here to be with their children.

Best of all, enjoy the world.

I am sorry. Mothers is an issue that touches me deeply. My mama's death anniversary is next week.. and I was an only child.

[biko]

well, a mama's boy will always be irresponsible! but you cannot blame him, not unless during the time you were together, you come up with rules as husband and wife, from it maybe you can have a good and a happy family life until now...but it happened that wasn't supposed to happen.. people around could really say "a bad mother/father" if the family is broken, esp. kids aren't with you, of course it is! 'coz no mom's want to be away from their kids... the caress of a mama is different from papa, that's why they said so...but good! you do have a good communication with your kids, if you are satisfied with what connection you have with your kids, then be it.. go on with your future plans as long as your in the right path! keep praying..in time everything will be fine..God bless!

[PURPZ LOCKHEART]

maybe my bad on the aspect that i just want the best for my kids. because i am sure if they are with me it will only be less. i chose what is more convenient for them for i've always lived in convenience myself. i don't want them suffering and not be able to provide them the best education, best food and lifestyle. i just want for them the best of everything.

sa ako opinion regarding ani nga issue nimo TS as being a mother pod coz i laso have a 3y.o son... in a way naa kay good reasons and intentions y u have to give up ur children kay para rapod na sa ila future dba... hinuon naa naman right ang mga kids mo decide kung asa nila gusto sa mother or father ba.. pero kung ako siguro naa sa imo side bisan unsa siguro nko kalisod murag di nko kaya i-give up ang ako children... u can have a simple living with ur children without those luxurious things in life... God will make a way for u if u just believe in Him...kay basin in d future ma blame nya ka sa imo mga kids.. dapat imo gi-prove sa imo ex hubby nga kaya nimo buhion imo pamilya without him... but anyways, lain2 man jud ta og opinion but sa imo gibuhat it doesnt mean bad nka pagka-mother.. just dont mind the people around u... imo nlang ipakita sa imo mga kids nga bisan wala ka sa ila but imo gihapon sila gi-supportahan as their mother..

[PURPZ LOCKHEART]

thanks. i am indeed living accordingly with my plans.

well, a mama's boy will always be irresponsible! but you cannot blame him, not unless during the time you were together, you come up with rules as husband and wife, from it maybe you can have a good and a happy family life until now...but it happened that wasn't supposed to happen.. people around could really say "a bad mother/father" if the family is broken, esp. kids aren't with you, of course it is! 'coz no mom's want to be away from their kids... the caress of a mama is different from papa, that's why they said so...but good! you do have a good communication with your kids, if you are satisfied with what connection you have with your kids, then be it.. go on with your future plans as long as your in the right path! keep praying..in time everything will be fine..God bless!

[Sand Man]

i'll choose the financial flexibilities.. for i have always believed, poverty is much worse than an absent mother/father figure..

LOL! ... It's either you're an orphan or you grew up with irresponsible parents. It's not your fault, though, that you were raised in that environment. I don't think I am better than you pero choosing materialistic things over keeping your family together, to me, is insane. We all know times are hard pero it is also at this time that our values as the new generation of adults are tested. What kind of values do you think she's going to pass on to her kids?

And it's not even like she's jobless. Naa siya'y trabaho... And you can't say "mother figure" because she is the real mother.

Anyway, I've said my piece in this thread. Posting more will lead to arguments. I can see the TS is willing to listen to what we have to say and obviously there will be differing views so... Hope she can weigh and find the answer she's looking for.

Good luck to you, TS.

[PURPZ LOCKHEART]

I won't argue on that there would even be 4 sides of the story mine, my ex, other people and God. Just to stress to you once again that I never really left my kids. I'm still present in their lives although I am not with them physically. I might be bad in some ways, but rest assured I had let my kids understood the reason for our separation. I made sure that I have an open communication with them. I'm trying to write this post to gain people's views if everyone would really see me as a bad mother, but irregardless of how many people would say that I am. In my heart, I know I've never been... If before we always say money doesn't matter, well then everywhere in this world MONEY MATTERS. You can't live by virtues alone or plainly good deeds.

Whatever happened to "walang iwanan" and "through thick and thin, I will always be there for you and protect you". Wa na ni ron mga "hitek" na panahon? "Praktikal" na ang mga tawo?

Going through rough times makes the bond stronger. If we've learned anything from life, it's that nothing is ever the same -- if she is hard-up now then things can only get better. Granted we don't know the whole story and she describes her ex-husband as 'bullshit' pero there are 2 sides to every story. If the father was actually a responsible person then well and good for the kids. Pero if the guy is what she actually describes him to be then it's sad she had to entrust her kids to someone like that.

Either way, I bet when the kids are all grown up they will condemn Ms. Lock here for deserting them.

[Baeybe_Bryce]

I can't condemn you TS, maybe you're just affected because deep inside you there's a little place of emptiness. Maybe you, yourself know that as what the society is also concerned about, the kids should be guided by mothers, physically,psychologically,emotionally, as they grow up. This is really not a new situation to me, heard a lot of stories like this but anyway I will say my piece.

TS, you've just chose what's convenient for you(unconsciously) and for your kids. It's not wrong and it's never as right because we can never tell what kind of guidance they provide them. We can't tell you to get them away from their dad if you yourself know that you might not be able to provide them such needs that the other family can give.

Now, I got few questions here to clear up the story.

Are they both boys? Girl and boy?

Do you notice some "spoiled brat" traits in your kids? Are they materialistic? Yes I know kids wants a lot of things, but what I mean is, are they sometimes too demanding when they want something?

When you say communication, how often can that be? Do you get to see them or visit them anytime you want?

Does you kid tell you stories, secrets, or ask you some questions? They're teens, especially for a young girl who is very much comfortable with moms, they'll get to ask things about body changes and so on.


About the people telling you you're doing bad, it's their opinion, you cannot take that away from them. Now it's up for you to confirm if they are right or wrong.

Those kids you have, I think they can tell you what they want. How about try to talk to them, ask them if given a chance would they want to leave the life they have with their lola/lolo, so you can be together?

If the kids are doubtful, just explain to them why they are living with their dad. That's the most that you can do regarding that case.

And TS just an advise, even if your not living with them try to be present on those special occasions in their life. Don't miss anything as much as possible. But just to be honest with you, time might come that they will question you why you were never with them, one way or another. There's still time TS, save your money so you will be capable enough of providing them what they need. God bless.

[butong101]

i'm expressing opinions on the presumptions that the TS has its best intention for her children..

lisod gyud baya kaayo ang mgkalisod ilabi na sa kwarta, kung ikaw mama/papa
try to imagine your child salivating on a sight of a jollibee chicken joy worth 85pesos?
you can just imagine how hard it is for both the child and the parents.. imagine, daghan kaau dili ka afford sa 85pesos nga jollibee..

and here we have a TS who has the option of sending her children to her rich ex-husband who can afford not just a jollibee but grand majestic, ching palace, etc.. etc..

and now, try to become the child.. seeing yourself after 20yrs. yes of course you would surely resent your mother.. surely you will be too angry to her, hatred, rage.. etc.. for what?

for giving you the opportunity not to salivate to jollibee
the opportunity to be feed w/ all the good food life can offer
and maybe good school..
jesuits, san carlos, ateneo, etc..

20 yrs from now, you are resenting your mother for the very convenient life she has given you, notwithstanding her own frustrations, pains, for there is no mother in the world crazy enough not to want to be with there children all the times..