What to do about a daughter who has been doing NOTHING since graduating from college?

[yvonne6]

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only parents going through the same problem could probably relate to this question. and for those who are not parents yet, or have not gone through something like this, dont really know the pains of the parents. honestly, no matter how good your were raised, or bad, its still your own path that u follow later on in life. its unfair nga sa parents i put ang blame. lets face it, once the kid is in school, the longer the time they spend with their classmates, other people. of course, daku lang gihapon ug influence ang values from home but do r u familiar of the saying, if u were not once young and stupid, u wont grow old wise. suerte lang kaau na ang ubang taw nga ang ilang path is straight all throughout life. pero we are just human beings, daghan ta ug experiences maagian, naa ang mag midlife crisis, identity crisis, naa ang unsure ka kung unsa imong gusto mahitabo sa imong life. dili na nato puede ipugos sa taw. ang besides, success is subjective to every person. not because someone has a good career and a nice paying job means they are successful, yes, but only in that sense. how about in other aspects of life? ako lang noh, maybe this gal is burnt out. maybe just giving herself a break. ang uban man gani, sa pag eskwela pa lang gabinuang na. at least kani kay nahuman. give her time to determine what she really wants. 2 years is long for u na who sets the rules what is long and what is not? para nimo taas na, how about her? yes, we maybe proud to see her work...what then? she got a job but got pregnant by a married man? example lang. would u still be proud? what im saying is, ayaw kau tanawa ang unsay wala pa niya mabuhat. dont forget to look at what she has done sad. start from there. maybe she needs help and understanding. dont pressure her too much lang sa. anak man jud na nimo, dapat ikaw ang mas makasabot niya

[BloGgerGurL]

maypagka tapulan siguro jud sya, and maybe she's also suffering from depression.

bali naa sya anang duha bah. she's depressed and tapulan pa gyud siya mo work on not being depressed.

or could be she just doesn't know what she really wants in her life. maayo pag paskwelahon na lang na syag mga crash course ba ron.

[yvonne6]

my son's dad is like this. super tapulan. sedentary kaau ug lifestyle, pero palingkora sa computer, halos dili na maibot. its true though, very low self esteem. salig lang sa parents. dili jud ganahan mo work. naa juy issues personally

[long4short]

Wala guro niagi og kalisod imo anak sis, ako nitry ko ani kay suya ko sa ako mga barkada nga bum, gipadala man nuon ko sa ako papa sa bukid to know how hard really life is, da tagam... nanaingkamot jud ko uy, naningtiil pa... hehehe... got a good paying job...

[ilovedogs]

there's no exact science in parenthood. ^_^

i dont have my own kids yet (thank God! im so not ready yet!) but as what iv witnessed with my younger siblings, it REALLY frustrates me if they're not doing good in school, for the sole reason that it's very heartbreaking for my parents. and i can say that it trully affects them if any of my younger siblings act up! it's like i wanna resort to homicide and go straight for the pillow-on-face moves just so i dont get to see my parents disappointed.

no matter how good a parent you are, even those parents that write books about parenting, you can never ever control your child's reaction to your upbringing. dili jd xa definite, some methods work, some dont. so, ayw nlng iblame imong self, mafrustrate lng ka and looking at your avatar i think you already are. posting this thread here shows that you've done your best as a parent. and no one should tell you that you're best is not good enough. let them have their own kids and practice what they preach.

i really dont know what to advise you, other than the suggestions i have made in the previous posts are about the only things i can think of. matimingan ra lagi na nimo ang kiliti sa imong anak, or imoha ba ron wife or someone else in the family. basta show her that you care for her and whatever you're doing is for her own good. basta ayw lng jd kanang murag confrontational nga heavy kay bacn magrebeldi na. iheart2heart talk nlng, pro ayw jd singkahi (no matter how appealing the idea is!), kay bacn mahimo lng shouting bout inyong conversation.

[BloGgerGurL]

Try to watch the movie The Ultimate Gift. i bet you can relate to this movie about your daughter.

[zubanu]

@TS: from my point of view.

if something malfunctions, there is something wrong and as overseer it is a duty to troubleshoot and assess. have your tried or even wondered what cause her to be like that? everybody have issues, even wanting to have somebody just to talk to and confide into is an issue. as parent, it is a duty to make sure things are quiet well along the way, your being a parent doesnt stop where your daughter graduated from college or gets married, but through out your lifetime. its a job that you cannot refuse and give up.

i understand you got tired of her that everytime you say something to her it seemed that she was oblivious.

i have been a son to my parents and not that really good of a son, but for us kids we may not show it but it always is our comfort to be within our mother's or father's arm and protection everytime we ran into trouble. maybe your daugther needs some reaching out.

i know i dont have the right to say these to you, because i myself is not a parent yet and I DO believe that children will never understand how their parents feel, the pain their parents feel everytime they do something wrong, unless they become parents themselves. but parents should understand when a child goes astray for you have been children once in your life.

trust me, nothing beats the feeling of having to see your mom smile after a long hearty talk coupled with some hugs. IMO

[JoyCeeMarie08]

murag kelangan jd mo heart to heart talk ts.. aside from the issue you mentioned, IMO, murag naa pa mo daghan unresolved issues between you 2.

[Iamalbertrebs]

you know what I'm jealous to your child nga naa cyay cool mom, just like you..
but for me ang mindset sa taw mausab ra jud na if and only if naay mahitabo unussual or a problem occur.. hmmmm.. pde mo suggest ko nga magpapretend mo nga broke mo then tell youre daughter nga daghan na kaayo mo utang. or pretend that you have a uncurable disease (syaro dli cya makonsinsya makadungog ani)

[burikoy12]

you know what I'm jealous to your child nga naa cyay cool mom, just like you..
but for me ang mindset sa taw mausab ra jud na if and only if naay mahitabo unussual or a problem occur.. hmmmm.. pde mo suggest ko nga magpapretend mo nga broke mo then tell youre daughter nga daghan na kaayo mo utang. or pretend that you have a uncurable disease (syaro dli cya makonsinsya makadungog ani)

Lying or pretending will only make matters worse. She's smart, she'll figure out nga gi-atik ra siya. Unsay mahitabo? Mosamot ka dako ang gap sa parents-daughter.

I can feel your pain, TS kay tatay sad ko sa duha ka anak nga nipasiaw pod. My son was a nicotine addict at the age of 13. Ang 13 ka tuig namong pagpadako ug tarong niya, pila lang ka buwan giguba sa environment niya. So don't blame yourself and even if you are to blame, what good will blaming do? Masulbad imong problema? Nope, mosamot nuon ka bug-at. Instead of wasting your energy on blaming, use it to look for solutions.

A child's mishbehavior is usually a cry for help. Naay bug-at nga problema imong daughter TS. Ferret out the truth. Naa ba siya'y confidante nga iyang higala? Try to ask questions. Nothing happens without a cause. Look back kun kanus-a nagsugod nang iyang behavior. Somehow, somewhere, maexplain ra ghapon nganong ingon siya niana.

Naa mo'y gap sa imong daughter and it looks like she's keeping her distance. It's time to reach out. My daughter was also an anime addict, as in mora na jud siya'g addict ug porma, niwang ug luspad tungod sa kulang sa tulog kay sige ug tan aw anang anime. My solution? Taman ra sa alas 10 ang laptop niya. After niana, ako nang hiposon unless naay assignment. Ako pod siyang gipatan aw sa iyang recent picture versus old photo. Nakaingon jud siya, "Hala pa mora na jud diay ko'g adik no!" Then, I gave her a bridge cam and took her with me kun magpictorials ko. It turned out, mas talented pa siya nako sa photography. Karon, kontrolado na iyang anime and I've removed restrictions to her laptop. Reach out ra jud TS. It will not be easy pero dili pod siya impossible. Just don't give up on your daughter. We parents mustn't.

Ako pod na observe that you rarely mentioned your wife. How's your relationship with her? Is she helping out? Dili lang baya na imong responsibilidad. INYO nang responsiblidad. Sometimes pod mas mo open up ang daughter sa iyang mom.

Lastly, bisa'g OT. My son has quit smoking for good. Pero pastilang paita. Nisayaw na gud ko atubangan ni Sto. Niño nga dili man jud ta ko relihiyoso(gikataw-an ko's ako wife pag istorya nako kay imposible kuno). Desperation na seguro to. 2 weeks after, nagbirthday siya, ako siyang gihatagan ug gift- usa ka carton nga Marlboro- naay note sa ibabaw. Somehow it struck a raw nerve kay haska niyang hilak, di man jud unta hilakon ning bataa. His birthday was spent crying. No words were said pero karon wa na jud siya mosmoke. Pit senyor!

Good luck TS and keep posting. Sometimes, just venting it out helps a lot.