Juan and Pedro Jokes...

[BoyasBabis]

---

KNOCK KNOCK!
Juan: Who's there?
Pedro: HITO
Juan:HITO who?
Pedro: hito ako ngayon.. basang basa sa ulaaaan..

[JoyCeeMarie08]

At the Classroom


Titser: Pedro 1+3?

Pedro: 4 maam!

Titser: Very good. Ikaw Juan...
3+1?

Juan: Mao na! mao na run... kung lisod na gani
ako dayon ang pangutan-on.
geh ana man jud mo, pabor2x.
abseni nalang ko oi.


Pastilan.

LOLers

[JoyCeeMarie08]

Pulis (juan): Eto bayad ko sa kape
Chinese (pedo) : Aba,bakit ka bayad?
Pulis: Utos ni chief,wala nang kotong
Chinese: Aba sige, simula ngayon hindi na ako dura sa kape mo

[JoyCeeMarie08]

ANG MAGTI-AYONG TIKLA UG PEDRO....

si tikla samtang nag mabdos sa lima ka buwan nga bunga sa ilang pagminahalay...

usa ka lawom nga kadlawon sa ilang pag pangatulog....
naka matngon si tikla og gipukaw dayon niya si pedro....

TIKLA: honey lami man ika on og mang-ga oyyy..
PEDRO: honey sad oyyy kadlawon pa wala pay mangga.. karon..
TIKLA: sige bantay ka makuha an jud ko...

ni balikwas og bangon si pedro og nangita og kapalitan og manggaa.. kay hadlok lagi makuha an... ta-ud2x nangayo na pud kini og la-in..

TIKLA: honey lami man ika on og saging oyyyy
PEDRO: na unsa ka bag cgeg pangayo oyyyy... nga mingaw pa ka ayo wa tay kapalitan...
TIKLA: cge ka makuha an gali ko bantay jud ka...

ninglakaw dayon si pedro ug nangita og kapilitan og saging... pag abot niya na ngayo na pud kini og la-in...

TIKLA: honey lami man ika on og ta-e oyyyy...
PEDRO: nabu-ang naka... unsa gud ka.. nga ta-e man imong gi pa ngala....
TIKLA: cge jud reklamo jud makuha an gali ko... bantay jud ka...

nalibang dayon si paquito og gihatag ang ta-e sa iyang asawa...

PEDRO: ohhhhhh di- ara imong gipangayooooo
TIKLA: cge jud away jud pakig tunga nako makuha gali ko naaa...
PEDRO: cgeee akong ning kan on ang katungaaa... gamay lang ha...
TIKLA: ayyyy hutda... na lang na gud... makuha an gali ko na...



> wa ka hugawi? hehe

[JoyCeeMarie08]

OT -


Amo: Inday, nganu gipasagdan man nimo si Junior nga pirti man ning tsabaw?

Inday: Sir, according to Erik Erikson’s psychosocial theory of growth and development, toddlers normally exhibit temper tantrums to express emotions such as anxiety. And the best intervention is to ignore the situation. However, one should provide safety to avoid danger during their tantrums.

Amo: pag churoi!

[JoyCeeMarie08]

pedro: biliba nako nimo pre uy! nagdala man jud ka picture frame sa imong misis maski mag-inom ta.
juan: wa rani pre uy...timailhanan ko ra ni.
pedro: timailhan sa imong ka faithful niya?
juan: di...kung mogwapa na akong panan-aw niya, kana hubog na ko!

pedro: mobiya nako aning atong bisyo sa babae pre..
juan: ngano man pre?!
pedro: makabwisit lagi kuno pre, ug di ta moasenso ingon pa nila!
juan: pahak! di ko tuo ana pre! kung tinuod pa na, kadatu anang Vic Sotto ug Dolphy!

----

terror na misis (tikya) gikulata ang mister (juan) niini...
tikya: hoy! unsa man gyud, gwapa ko dili?!
juan: gwapa dear...
tikya: nagliraw-liraw imong mata pagtubag, bakakon!!! (dayong sumbag sa tiyan ni juan!)
pagtug-an sa tinuod, gwapa ko dili?!
juan: aaa...dili...
tikya: hinawayon!!! (gilaparo si juan!) PAK!
gwapa ko dili?!!! tubag!!!
juan: (nagkurog na'g maayo sa pagtubag) kuan dear...murag gwapa na murag dili...
tikya: p*#@$^8!!! gaduha-duha pa ka!!! (gisipa na gyud si juan)
pagklaro ug tubag!!! gwapa ko dili?!!!
juan: (ning higayona naka desisyon si juan na dili na lang motubag) aaa...aaa...
tikya: ay ang animal ay! gaplano ug dautan kay di motingog!!! (kulata to the max!!!)

[ceejay_alyssa]

OT:

A FATHER'S PRIDE AND JOY...(you'll love the ending)

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few
laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the
rest room. The ones who stayed behind began to talk about
their kids and their successes.

The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my
pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company
at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and
Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to climb
the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he
is the president of the company. He became so rich
that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz
for his birthday.

The second guy says: Damn, that's terrific!! My son is also
my pride and joy, I am very proud of him.
He started working at a traveling agency for a very big
airline. He went to flight school to become a
pilot and also manage to become a partner in the company
where he now owns the majority of the assets.
He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new
jet for his birthday.

The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!! My
son is also my pride and joy and he is also
very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an
Engineer. He started his own construction
company and became very successful and a multimillionaire.
He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive
to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft
mansion specially for his friend.

The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the
successes of theirs sons.

The forth friend who earlier had gone to restroom returned
and asked:

What's going on, what are all the congratulations for?
One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we
feel for the successes of our sons.
And then he asked, What about your son?

The forth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living
dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.

The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is
horrible, what a disappointment you must feel.

The forth man replied: No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He
is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy.

And he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday
just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft
mansion,
a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three
boyfriends.

[ceejay_alyssa]

juan: pre, ingon sa imong mga silingan diri under kuno ka sa imong asawa.
pedro: di na tinuod pre! supakon man gani nako tanang di gusto sa akong asawa!
juan: yati ra! kuyawa gud nimo gud!
pedro: mao nang dapat natong buhaton pre! akong asawa di gusto manglimpyo...ako'y limpyo!
di siya gusto mamerkado, akoy mamerkado! di siya gusto manglaba, kabawo ka sa akong gibuhat?! hugot kaayo nakong gisupak iyang gusto, akoy molaba! nya moingon sila under ko?!!! kadyot lang pre ha kay murag nibukal natong gitak-ang nako!



tikyo: ako pre, automatic katunga sa akong sweldo remit kang misis!
juan: ako pud pre, 1/4 na lang sa akong sweldo ang maari nako!
pedro: paghilom mo diha! ako gani wa nako kadumdom sa password sa akong atm!!!

*waaahahaha for sure daghan makarelate ani!





tikla: (kilig) ka-sweet nimo oi,pinahatag man gyud ug flowers! nganong three red roses man jud? (kiliga jud!)
juan: tag-3 diyes man gud, di sad pwede ibalik ang uban!

tikya: sa kadaghang gwapa diha ako jud imong napili-an?
pedro: di man gud ko hilig ug gwapa...naa pay mas pangit nimo diha?!

[ferma2]

Usa ka gabie, naglakaw si pedro sa usa ka mangitngit nga dalan sa ilang lugar ug sa dihang nakadungog siya og tingog nga mura'g nag.sumpa..

"MACNA, AWTONAPLO, MACNA IMISAMO
MACNA UYU'ESO, MACNA OWOOWO"

Pedro: Unsa man toh?? basin gisumpa ko ani.

Pagtan.aw niya sa kilid. Nalibang diay si Juan bungi samtang nagkanta og "SMACK THAT!"

[ferma2]

Sa usa ka Military Camp

Juan: Pre, nakadungog ka sa ilang gipang-istoryahan??
Pedro: Wala raba pre. Ngano diay?
Juan: Naa kuno bayot diri sa atong campo.
Pedro: Huh?? Kinsa man daw pre?
Juan: Kiss sah!