virgin, single & living an unwanted lie...

[alterego]

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i have decided to post this one, thinking nga somebody might relate themselves sa akoa...someone who might also share my sentiment as well.

i created this clone account to express myself kung unsa gyud ko beyond my acquaintances' general impression on me.

im a 20+ year old virgin and currently single...a thing that i really hate to admit; a secret that i kept hidden out of fear of being pitied or ridiculed. hehehe. my friends perceive me as either "married", "single dad" or "in a secret relationship with someone"...maybe because of how i project myself to them, and my type of thinking sad, seryosuon man gud ko nga klase. i definitely did NOT pretend to act like one, and neither deny nor confirm their guesses sad (just to make it clear). i let them be kung unsay pagtanaw nila sa ako. i already told them nga single ko, pero they wouldnt just believe. bahala sila. hehe. and i admit, i enjoyed the idea nga they keep on bugging me about my real status.

so in short, nahug siya nga i'm living in a lie to myself because wala man ko nisulti nila kung unsa gyud akong status (they wouldn't believe me anyway).
nakit.an naman gud ko nga naay kuyog nga girl or nagkarga ug bata sa mall, and they thought that was my wife or kid (nikatag dayon ang storya sa office )...that's why naa silay impression nako nga in ana. then mag post sad kog picture atong bataa sa FB, samot sila kaduda nako. i told them it was my cousins' kid, which is true, pero they are very adamant to the extent nga pugson ko nilag paangkon nga akoa gyud tong 'pamilya'. magkatawa lang ko sahay...

truth is, im living ALONE. very alone.

yes, in contrary to general belief. and everything starts to get lonely. yes, i may have friends nga i could hang out with, pero i feel like it doesnt solely satisfy me. i need someone, not necessarily a gf...but a companion nga who could fill in this void. i may currently have a high-paying job, or the capacity to buy things i want...pero it doesnt give me the happiness i longed for.

i have had a relationship with someone before, pero it didnt work out. and i fear to be in a relationship again nga ako ang mag initiate sa move, so i just focus myself on work...work... and work.

another thing that adds up this boredom is that dili na ko close sa akong family. im living independently now. it's more like i have detached myself to them...for they were the reason why my whole personality has changed now. i used to be carefree and had badlungon nga attitude, pero it turned into a cold, stoic and serious one after an incident in the past. i become too cautious now and i always think ahead para mu improve akong life. yes, it definitely work because naa na koy stable job ron somehow, it did paid off...pero it gets really tiring. i do enjoy this life...pero naa man juy kulang.

and besides, lahi man sad akong priority ron gud...wala koy gana mag uyab2 ron...pero i need someone beside me.

how could i fill in this void? i tried to cope up with this thing pero ambot...dili man sad ko dramaturgo nga klase pero it gets f*cking overbearing na.

[Cory1986]

same boat as u, sir. I told them that Im freakin' single and not s3xually active but sila mo tuo. ingon sila nga naa daw ko secret relationship. I said, why would I hide a relationship? gi sugot gali. It's so freakin' tiring to explain myself to them nga I love being single and ask me what's the reason behind. kalagot ning mga tawo lagi, just leave me alone sad with the foreigner thingy, if hilig pa ko ug kano, hagbay ra..

I love being single but sometimes, mag emote2x ko usahay Most of my batchmates and frens are either in a serious relationship or married.

[trollaccount]

You worry too much about things particularly about what people think of you. What could be the root of your insecurity I do not know. And the most likely reason ngano mahadlok ka muinitiate sa move is hadlok ngali ka ma reject. You wear your mask pretty well convincingly considering people have that wrong impression about you. Salute

I could be way off the mark here. Just guessing that's all.

[paheng]

balik lang sa imong pamilya brad... para d ka ma,lonely.

[burikoy12]

Kacomplicated ba ani. Hehe.

Sagdi lang nang imong pagkavirgin, pre. Non-issue na siya. Bilib gani ko nimo.

Don't burn bridges with your family. Mora'g lisod kaayo na. Why don't you rekindle old ties with them. Kalimti na lng gud nang past kay if you live in the past, giusikan nimo ang present. Grab every opportunity to be with your family, kay ug mawala na na sila, basin magmahay ka.

Ako pa nimo manguyab ka. Ayaw lang pod ipressure imong kaugalingon. Kanang ganahan jud ka sa girl. Mahadlok ka masakitan? Aww if you live in fear, di jud ka katilaw ug langit.

[alterego]

yes, i fear rejection. who doesn't?

the insecurity i think that i obviously bear is seeing someone happy or in love. i could only hope nga unta ako sad na ma feel karon.

cory: good to hear that. it gets really annoying sometimes thats why gipasagdaan na nako silas ilang gihuna.huna sa akoa. one time they asked if friends ba mi atong said 'wife' kuno kay ilang i add, nangutana pa gani sa ngan. even requested to bring her kung naay eat-out ang team. i just reply them with a smile. samot tingali to sila ka rigor. ambot lang. hihi. pero gipangremove na nako ang pictures ron. pero nevertheless, gaduda jud sila nako. pamilyado na lagi kuno ko.

burikoy/paheng: i really don't want to go back na. the years-long family feud just got worst now. though mu visit ko didto sahay, more likely dili na jud ko mubalik didto puhon bisag unsa pa kadaghan ang bakante nga kwarto didto.

[Scott Bernard]

Unsa diay problema nimo brad, ngano until now single paman ka? Anyways, ayaw ka worry ana oi, or padala sa pressure. 20 years old is not that too late to still be a virgin or loveless. Naa gani ko mga kaila nga 23-25 na sila naka uyab or naka hasla^...

Share kuno brad unsa imo problems. Clone bitaw ka... ehehehe!

[madina]

ing-ana jud na usually mahitabo sa mga serious type na person, your friends will tend to judge you bisag unsa nalang na way just to know who really you are until such time nga mo admit nalang kah ug pinugsanay na way. Ayaw na problemaha imong mga friends nga cge nalang panghusga. Ang problema naa sa ilaha ug wala sa imoha. Sakto jud na sad kang paheng, wala jud kay lain madaganan kundi imong pamilya. At the end of time, bisag unsa paka ka stable of being independent still imong pamilya ra gihapon imong maulian...

[HeartStops]

The Quarter-Life Crisis
by unknown

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.



- ni share ko nimo about ani na qoute maybe naka basa naka ani. pero im sure you are not only one of the few experiencing this sort of emptiness.

i was scared before na alone ko, pero mas na scared ko na im into a serious relationship karon. a part of me want to be single and the other half i doesn't want to be alone. coz maybe i came from a broken family and i don't want to feel the misery na hangtud karon i'm still mending .

actually have a couple of friends i talked about sa akong feelings. and they told me that i'm "we" are still very young to worry much about our status in life. kay some people man gani daw 40+ na virgin and is living alone ... and loving it. maybe we haven't seen the bigger picture yet the way as their age sees it. but time will tell how we mature as for moment.

[Insanitarium]

Ana jud na brad. Kung dili sila mutoo... awww... ani ra ni ilang mentality; "If it's too good to be true, then it probably is". Ang mga tao, hilig jud na sila mangita ug sayop nimo or bikil... pangboost tingali na sa ilang ego, subconsciously. Mga sayop nimo bantayan sad gani. They put malice in the simplest of things that you do without understanding the full situation.

IDK pero feel nako ang ingon anang mga tao nga mangita ug sayop or maliciouso kaayo kay mga insecure. I'm 24 na and still taking my time. Although ang mga tao mutoo sa ako nga single ko, cge sila'g question sa akong pagkaV sad. They even make fun of it, encouraging other V's (endangered species) to do PMS. Anything I say that is not-so-innocent kay e-equate na dayon nga nakatilaw na daw or whatever. And they put malice on my closeness to a work-mate who's married (who actually admitted liking me) and they always find topics to butt in that subject from out of the blue.

And there's nothing wrong with being a virgin (for a guy). Bilib ko anang mga laki nga nakadisciplina sa ilang kaugalingon. Ayaw'g tuo anang tanang mga babae muprefer ug naay experience. Instincts will dawn upon you at the right time and it should be with the right person (IMHO).

Well it is also at this stage that we're struggling with finding a companion, so that's normal. Take your time to find that person. But you'll never find that person if you're cooped up only in your work. Take initiative to find time to chill on break times or have fun and meet new people as much as possible in and off work. Events, parties, invites. Ako maglisod sad ko meet new people kay I focus on work sad kung naa ko office. And when I'm at home, I'm in my room and sleeping or browsing the net. Naay dream, pero wala lagi initiative. I'll work on that sometime later though. I'm living with my family... not a lot of issues at home, but we seem to be so distant now that we've grown older. Drop by your home if you can. Leave some goodies if you don't want to spend some time with them. Show that you at least remember them, even if it feels like you don't matter at all.

People feel alone and lonely at certain points in time. Ako, showing that I'm happy although I am not fully contented with my situation, but I seriously do not like people pitying me or mocking me, so I put on the facade that I am happy and emotionally strong. I guess you could say that everyone has their level of pride and that we each all have our own defensive mechanisms to protect our ego.

^_^v