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Hi Nikki Pee

To Someone Who Can't Be Mine

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I was updating my account when I came across a thread similar to my entry's title. I started a few lines with:

"To someone who can't be mine,

It's been 2++ weeks since I last saw you and several days of zero communication. Separating ways is difficult and it's getting into my nerves every single day but I am hoping that this freaking decision is worth it -- hoping that I won't be regretting this."
And I got a little more excited to write about you. Adding a few more lines with:

"You know how much I love you. It's 3 years since we last shared these feelings and both of us are surprised about how much we were so good at retaining the spark despite having a few relationships, misunderstandings, complications, flings, and distractions in between. Both of us were even wondering how we were able to keep up with all of these mess when we got the option of getting a peaceful stand though in part-ways."
When I mentioned "distractions", more thoughts came in and wanting to write more about one distraction a friend told me:

"I can opt to get away from you, move on, and get a new life with someone else. But I didn't do that because you were someone I can see spending my future with. I hate saying those words because I'm just 19 and it might be too early to be assuming that.

As I have been sharing all these to a guy friend of mine, he tried to enlighten and flatter me saying:

"You got way too attached with him already. Why not try to make room for the new ones? As I have known you for years and as a man, I tell you with conviction, you can get any man you want. Not biased, not trying to make you feel better, nor wanting to get this to own advantage."
Now, when I started telling the story about what my guy friend told me, my heart got dense. My eyes are starting to drama and wanting to end this reply to the thread with:

"When my friend told me those, I realized how good I was with staying away from all the distractions I had trying to oppose you. The numerous friends I should hang-out with, the nonsense dates with random girlfriends I declined, the not-so-important appointments I skipped, just to spend time with you cause it's the least thing I can do to maximize the complicated relationship. Where in the world did I get all these strength and endurance to stay and hold on because you wanted me to, because you said your promises and I trusted you too much that you would stick with your words. I may have mistaken you for all these but I had to say I've had enough. I've given you too much chances and it's-okays after countless sorrys. I'm fed up with being the most understanding girl in the world. I'm done with being an option. Thus, no matter how much both of us wanted to win this, I can't be yours, and you can never be mine."

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  1. psychologic's Avatar
    life without any expectations is lifeless...


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