Merged: Jokes

[monrose29]

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try this site http://www.break.com/index/mazescare9.html

[byen]

gud all laughing jud....hahahhahaaaaa..................

[BaLeNtOnGs]

^ana diay ka.. makautot kng mag toot mo?

di ko makautot... hungaw ra!!! hahahahahaÂ*

muhungaw imo lobot?
meaning dakodako na sad jud diay na ug boslot?..
sure ka arrow down imo sign or naa ka sa middle ***?...

lobot diay gistorya-an ato?Â*

aw samot!
kng dili lobot wa nay lain..
dako dako na diay nag bangag..

na mao ni ron heheheh [br]Date Posted: April 28, 2006, 01:18:21 AM_________________________________________________The Catholic Prostitute

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her.
"Where have you been all this time? Why did you not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't you call? Can you not understand what you put yer old mom through?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."

"You... what!!? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace
to this family."

"OK, dad, sniff, sniff,...as you wish...But please let me say something. I...

"Go!", he yells.

"...I just came back because I wanted to give mum this Luxurious $2 milion diamond ring, title deed to a twenty bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $25 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ...and ... (takes a breath)… an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."

"Now what was it ye said you had become?" says dad.

Girl,crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff."

"Oh! Be Jesus! You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a
Protestant'.

Come here and give yer old man a hug!"

[Gemeaux]

Dad: iha buotan ba na imo uyab?

anak: oo dad.

Dad: Diyosnon ba?

Anak: labaw pa dad.

Dad: Hain man siya kay makigstorya ko?

Anak: unya nalang Dad kay toa pa sa simbahan nagmisa pa!

[monrose29]

Papa: Oi lalaki na jud akong anak kay nag gunit na jud og martilyo og lansang mag panday na gyud cguro nehhh, unya unsay may imong tukoron diha anak?

Anak: Beauty Parlor pa.. Beauty Parlor....

hehehehhe....

[roughNeck]

TRANSFER KO LNG JOKE KO R2 PARA DADAMI PA JOKES

My name is Gary Lising. Secretary of Health Juan Flavier once said that I have a very nice name -- for a disease.

I was voted as the six symbol of Assumption College because according to them, I am the only entertainer that looks like a six organ.

I was already a celebrity even when I was a baby. I weighed 48 pounds when I was born -- but weighed only 3 pounds after I was circumcised. I was the only abortion that lived.

I was such an ugly baby. My mother only puts the negatives of my pictures in our family album.

I was a very thin baby because I was a breastfed baby -- I was breastfed by my father.

I grew up to be a boy wonder -- everybody always looked at me and wondered.

I studied at the Ateneo de Manila where I took up B.S. Economics. That explains why up to now I still am poor as ever.

I went to the United States where I put up my own business that went bankrupt. My business was selling PX goods.

I lived in the penthouse of a 50 story building. My rent was only 200 dollars a month. It was very cheap because it was walkup -- no elevator.

I was drafted by the U.S. Army but I got exempted because of my religion -- I am a devout coward.

I came back to the Philippines because I miss the brownouts. We should be proud of this fact because in the U.S. they don't have brownouts. We are the only country that has it.

Another thing to be proud of is the merging of Erap Estrada's "PACC" with Gringo Honasan's "YOU" -- it would be known as "PACC YOU".

My father is Dr. Jose Lising, a bisexual -- every time he sees six he buys it.

My mother Nieva Lising is a very religious woman -- she is a nun.

My parents are in the iron and steel business. My mother irons and my father steals.

I am married to Maris Paredes who up to now believes that love is really blind. I also have a son, Bugsy, he's only five years old and he already knows how to be ashamed of me.

I am also a firm believer in a lot of very serious facts of life. Let me share with you a few meaningful facts that I believe in:

I BELIEVE...that if you read too much about the bad effects of smoking -- give up reading.

I BELIEVE...that you should never make love with your eyes unless you are cockeyed.

I BELIEVE...d*** Gordon when he said that women should be put up in a pedestal -- high enough so you could look up their dresses.

I BELIEVE...Baby Boy Poblador when he said that women are the foundation of our society. I also believe him when he said that men are the ones who laid the foundation.

I BELIEVE...Lolit Solis when she said that Mayor Lim was her former boyfriend.

I BELIEVE...Mari Mar when she cried -- I saw tears running down her legs.

I BELIEVE...that Fr. Donelan will outlive us all.

I BELIEVE...IN GOD, THE FATHER ALMIGHTY, AND THAT EVENTUALLY WE WILL HAVE PEACE AND HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF OUR FAITH IN HIM.

GARY LISING, S.J.*

[psyche_08]

GOING THROUGH CUSTOMS

A distinguished looking young lady is on a flight returning from
Switzerland.

She finds herself seated next to a priest and asks, "Excuse me father, may I
ask a favor of you?"

"Well of course Miss, what can I do for you?" he replies.

"Here's the dilemma: I purchased for myself a superbly sophisticated
electronic hair remover. I paid a lot of money for it. I really went well
over the limits set forth by Customs, and I fear they will confiscate it
from me. Could you perhaps secret it through Customs for me under your
robes?"

"I certainly could, my dear, only I must warn you I really am not ever able
to lie."

"You have such an honest face, father, surely they will never ask any
questions of you," and with that she hands him the hair remover.

After landing they proceed through Customs and it becomes the father's turn
in line. "Father, do you have anything at all to declare?" asks the
Custom's officer.

"From the top of my head to my waist I have nothing to declare my son."

Finding this answer a little strange the custom's officer proceeds to ask,
"And from the waist to the floor, what do you have to declare?"

The priest replies, "I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be
used on a woman, but which has never yet been used..."

Roaring with laughter the Custom's officer says,

"Go right on through, Father. Next!"

[ryan22]

nyahahahaha...maau sad mo dala ug lusot....

[BaLeNtOnGs]

Frat lider: Balita ko GAY ka daw totoo ba?
Member: Gusto ko talagang linawin yan, d ata ako GAY! mga chismax lang un galing sa mga chuvanes na walang ma Do sa mga Chenilyn nila.. mga CHAKKAAAA EVERRRR!!!

kalingaw!

[br]Date Posted: May 15, 2006, 08:42:21 PM_________________________________________________P apa: Hoy dili ka pabayotbayot ha!
Anak: Di lagi pa. Moadto diay ko basketbolan karon..
Papa: Kana bah, astig!
Anak: Ma, kita ka sa ako POMPOMS, katong pink?!

[frnklncm]

SAM The HUNTER

One day, Sam, a seasoned hunter went to nebraska to hunt. In a bushy foliage, he saw a little black bear and take a good aim at it. One shot, and the little bear fell down dead. “HAH! I'm too good I even amaze myself!�, Sam said to himself. All of a sudden he felt a heavy pat on his shoulder, he looked at his right and saw a Big black bear looking down on him and said, “That was my little son you killed, now I am supposed to maul you to death but I am giving you a way out�. “Anything please, just dont kill me�, Sam replied. Ok, said the Big bear. “It's either I ram your behind or I' ll maul you to death right now''. Sam had no other choice but to let the bear give him a big butt ***.

After 1 week in the hospital, and 5 stitches up his ass. Sam was seething with anger and vowed revenge. He then went back to that busy foliage up the Nebraskan forest and searched for the Big Black Bear. When Sam finally saw it, he took aim and shot the Bear. One shot, and the Bear fell down dead. “Yes!Yes! HAH got ya!� Sam shouted in the air in celebration for his vengeange. Suddenly, felt a pat on his back and looked. He Saw a big Brown Bear Hulking over him and said angrily,�That was my cousin you killed, I will maul you to death except for one choice!�. “anything please!, just dont kill me!�. Sam replied. OK, said the brown bear “its either I ram you in the ass or I kill you right now�. Sam had no choice but to let the Big Brown bear take him from the ass.

After 2 weeks in the Hospital and 10 stitches up his ass, Sam was again Seeking for revenge. Seething with 2 times the anger, He once again went to Nebraska to hunt for the Big Brown Bear. On a wild Rapid, Sam saw the bear and took aim. One shot and the Big Brown Bear fell down dead. “YES!YES! Revenge is all mine!� Sam shouted in the air in celebration for his vengeance. He was jumping up and down when he felt a Heavy pat on his back and looked. Hulking over him was the biggest Grizzly Bear he had ever seen..Sam froze as it stooped down on him and spoke to his ear. “Admit it, Sam. You are'nt here for the hunt, are you?�